𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐍

19

3RD PERSON POV

Jisung was shocked, if he didn't ask how he was earlier and didn't even help him, why did he ask him now? 

ME 

Why? 

LEE MINHO 

What do you mean why? You seemed sad. 

ME 

Oh, im alright. 

LEE MINHO

You better apologise to hyunjin then, hes been pretty sad since then. 

ME 

Okay. 

Jisung sighed again, he was being wrongfully accused of everything. But somehow, he still felt guilty for everything, so he decided to text Hyunjin. 

ME 

Please tell me what i did wrong, i wont do it again. please!

HWANG HYUNJIN 

Oh? Don't you remember? I got mad at you, and you got mad at me even if you were in the wrong. You were doing the whole damned dance wrong and you said I would only get into the group because of my visual. 

ME 

Im so sorry, i didnt mean it, i promise! You're such a good dancer and you deserve to be here, im sorry!

Jisung was flabbergasted, he forgot he said all those words. he didn't mean any of them, he was just so mad and prideful at that time and said it. 

HWANG HYUNJIN

Oh you know what, doesn't matter. I doubt you'd be able to debut with those kinds of moves anyway. You dont even have the face to be in a group, your face is too unpleasing to the naked eye. They could edit it and all, but once they see you personally, what would they think? 

ME 

Being an idol isnt just visuals you know that right? 

HWANG HYUNJIN 

Yeah but looking at society don't they only look for visuals? The prettier you are the more castings you get, because thats the only thing the entertainment business looks for. You won't be able to survive unless its all group projects. 

ME

Well thats true but talent also matters! 

HWANG HYUNJIN 

Your talent doesn't make up for your visuals. You know that right? 

ME 

Right... 

Jisung was a little shocked to say the least, he thought Hyunjin would be more depressed and all, but he just made fun of him the whole time practically- but jisung didn't disagree to what he said either, he partially thought it was true. society cared so much about looks, the prettier you are the more popular you are. Not the more talented you are the more popular you are, and he was sad it was true. He sighed, becoming an idol felt like it wasn't the thing for him. Feeling like he didn't belong and preforming in front of a crowd thats staring at him? No- no, that didn't mach at all. Besides, the crowd would prefer a more handsome idol, and a more talented one. So him leaving wouldn't be a big deal, they could cover it up like he had some sort of illness, or he simply just quit- the people wouldn't mind at all. He sighed and slapped his face with both of his hands and shook his head, he knew that keeping negative thoughts would make the next day worse, and make him even sadder. 

ME 

please forgive me hyunjin. i dont want to burden the rest of the group anymore. 

He sighed again, all he hoped was for the sickening tension to disappear. 

HWANG HYUNJIN 

I forgive you. do better. 

Jisung sighed, it was his fault the tension was there and the fact its been so awkward with him there is plainly just his fault. Hyunjin was right, it was the bitter reality he had to face, and he surely had to do better- at this point he was just thankful Hyunjin forgave him. 

"STRAY KIDS" GC 

ME 

Im sorry for everything ive done... im so sorry for the tense atmosphere that ive created in the studio. 

Jisung couldn't look at the gc anymore when he saw that people seen his message. He was so anxious, he didn't even know if he could face the members tomorrow. He sighed and decided to take a shower, for him it feels amazing when hes just showering and closing his eyes, thinking about particularly nothing as his stress steams away from his body- like an at home therapy session. He looked at the mirror and pointed out the wee bit of hanging fat around his thighs and upper body, he shook his head then saw the dark bags under his eyes, it made him look exhausted- and he was. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to shush his mind about his raging thoughts and stepped in the shower, letting the cool water flow down his skin. His mind fell blank as he focused the relaxing water engulf his body, releasing all of his tense muscles. But this time as he took a deep breath, instead of the calming quietness that surrounded him, it was replaced by merciless voices who pointed out all of the negative things about him. 

You're too fat. 

No good to the members. 

You'll burden the team. 

Do you think they want you here? Of course not. 

You dont and never will belong. 

You're bringing them down.. you alien. 

"Alien?......Alien." Jisung said out loud. 

It was such a foreign yet familiar name to him, but he couldn't understand why it was ever familiar. 

"Go back to your mommy you shitty ass nerd!"

"Even the teachers don't like you, you god damned disgusting alien!" 

Right, now he remembers. The kids that used to bully him called him alien all the time. But happy-go-lucky younger him paid no mind to these names, in fact he was happy because he thought he was unique. But as he grew older, he began to resent that name, Aliens were ugly and unknown, and most definitely unwelcome on earth. Who would welcome him on earth though? Not even his parents did anyway. 

As time went by, I became an adult
And even though I'm not perfect, I'm proud of myself