Not My Fairytale.

Chapter 2: October 29, 2022

Wrote on: October 29, 2022    8:55 am

Okayyy omg I just finished my quiz on TFN earlier at 7:30 am and luckily I passed because of the study session me and my friends had the other night which lasted until 12 am. 

Anyway, here is a random thought at this moment. 8:55 am.

The thing about "nevermind, next time " always results to "too late" and "I wish I ...."

I just realized it now, that in life, you should do everything you want to do or you want to say to someone while it's not too late. 

Real talk. I feel like I am only going to last for a couple of months and that I'm going to die sooner. Crazy thought coming from a student nurse huh. But hopefully not. I hope I still have around 60 years of life ahead. At this moment, while I am typing in this journal, I just realized how lucky and blessed are the people who reached the age of  60 plus of even just 30 plus. It is a long life already but I know somehow if you are already in that point, life may seem too short and too fast. 

People never get contented. When it's there they find for more, and more. 

I know that I'm up for something bad. I know this is God's plan. All I know is that He blessed me with a good heart, and amazing mindset, a great family, many talents and a good and supportive set of friends. 

All throughout my life, I experienced puppy love well  academic journey will never be complete without those.

I also experienced getting my heart broken and the lessons I learned from it. I also experienced falling into a canal, it is a smelly drainage. I experienced getting bitten by a rabid dog while walking in the evening to have my handouts printed at a computer shop. I experienced having a sleepover at my bestie's house with all of my friends and we all know how hard work we have to put in for our parents to say 'yes' :>. 

I experienced attending a debut of my close friend. I experienced going to a pool party with my friends and classmates. I experienced competing at dancing competitions. I experienced being a lead role at a theater art production during my SHS (Senior High School) days. Also during my SHS days, I experienced making a lot of friends starting from strangers. In this timeframe, I experienced dancing all night until early morning, winning an Interpretative competition in school, to recite a spoken poetry in front of my teacher and classmates and many more good experiences that is definitely worth remembering. 

Come to think of it I should still be happy that even though if I feel physically ill at the moment,  my happy moments outweighs my bad days. But I'm not saying that I wanted to die or whatever. of course, I know I can definitely handle nursing but only if my physical aspect is in the best condition.  

Now, I don't even know if I am still sure and confident of the course I chose. How can I study nursing or be a nurse if I, myself, am ill to begin with?

Hays honestly I felt like I lost my energy nowadays. I felt like my drive to study or work on my school works declined, but I'm doing my best to be strong even after all these negative and scary thoughts.

BUT SERIOUS TALK!

If I would be placed in a position wherein my parents would need to pay for hundreds of thousands for  a certain procedure that could improve my life or to revive me and make me live longer, then, I am not saying that I wanted to give up but I just don't want them nga example kailangan nira mama magbayad hundreds of thousands to parang revive me or make me live, diri nga naruyag ak paggive up pero gusto ko nala nga dri nala hira magbayad sugad kadako nga halaga and if that moment i'm in a coma i think it's better to live me be. By that moment alam ko my soul is wandering around or maybe mamemeet ko pa ngani hi Daddy God or hi Lola and the thing is i know wray ito pain by that time since i'm not in my physical body.

Haysss Lord please help me gadddd I know i would be doing my very best hit nursing tas mapaabroad ak kay syempre kapoy nagad hira mama ngan gusto ko nga somehow makahinga hinga gad hira pagtrinabaho tas maexperience nira kanda lola naexperience na gihapon hnggg.....tasss since tisoy man sapit haak tas diman liwat hiya academically inclined wa man nala gihapon ako gineexpect haiya. Diko man pwede piriton or what. Tas alang man ak umasa kan job hin kadako it age gap namon

ANOTHER

Yaik what have i done to myself? Nagkaada man ako yellow discharge do i have infection or STI? Huhu Lord I'm so sorry for the things nga nabuhat ko it was a mistake na diko na gust utruhon pa huhu :<<< kadisappointing ko nala nga tawo haamon pamilya grabe naawod nala ak i feel guilty for everything na sayop nga nabuhat ko. It's all too late na hays