Wrote on: January 19, 2022 11:08 pm
Last night, I clearly remember myself lying on the upper deck of our bed. My board mate, Rose, was lying on the under bed. It was past 11 pm already and it was almost 12. I had a tiring day, doing all the quizlet reviewers, and other activities on other subjects. I just layed down and listened to a song and luckily it was a worship song. I just looked at the ceiling emotionless and soon after, my tears started falling slowly until I cried my heart out silently while my roommate was already sleeping. I was crying because I was afraid of what is happening to my body and of the thoughts about what is about to happen in the future or the coming weeks and months.
My thoughts were running in the dark parts I never should've gone to but I think it is part of slowly accepting the reality.
As I was crying, I murmured the words in our dialect, "Lord, please help me. I am scared for my life, for my parents and my family. Give me an answer as to what I should do. What should I do? Should I just let it be and cause it to worsen so that I can temporarily escape or tell mama about this and instantly schedule a check up for early intervention?
I don't know the answers to all these questions. I don't know how to face it. But I have trust in His plans. Whatever it is.
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