Chapter 15: February 27, 2022

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Wrote on: February 27, 2022      8:25 am 


How long has it been since I last wrote here? It was already 2 week ago. 

Within the two weeks I haven't written, a lot of things happened. We had our Finals exam, I went back home from our boarding house. Received a news that I passed on both major subjects, AnaPhy and TFN. 


Now, I'm sitting here at our bed with all the windows open. Today is a windy day. I feel like I am somewhere like the beach even as I'm just sitting here writing this. 


For the past few weeks, I have reflected on my actions. Thought about my decisions and until now all I know is to go with the flow of life. I honestly don't know which one is better. Originally, I planned to tell my parents how I've been feeling lately with my body but I guess I didn't have the guts to do so. 

Funny how I'm afraid to die yet here I am risking my all just to attend nursing school. Risking my chance to be healed physically and to consult a doctor just to continuously attend the second semester of my first year in nursing. 

The thing about doing nothing is that things become clearer now that your mind is clear of thoughts. 


I feel blessed, yes. Yet there would be times my mind would cower in fear of what tomorrow has for me. Times wherein my thoughts would be submerged in confusion. I don't know what to do next. 

I'm so tired, I'm tired. 

My life looked perfect for some, and for some it looked flawed.


When everything else feels painful, how is it that accepting becomes so hard when I've been talking about it like it's an easy thing to do? 


But, as time goes by, I begin to understand and accept the fact that life is indeed a temporary thing to hold on. That death is not that bad after all. 

I hope and pray that if my day of suffering comes, I may not forget the values and beliefs I have built so far. 


I remember Apostle Kathryn Krick once said, "The power of life and death is at the tip of your tongue". She said, do not speak death upon you but speak of the Lord and he will give you hope. 


Not long ago, I was looking at videos of me. I was looking at my fondest memories. I then realized, I lived a happy and good life. I am blessed and still blessed up to this day. 

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