je t'aime | jaywon

: chapter - 5

— 🛒 : chapter 5
Authors notes: rlly angsty and sad bc it
portrays jungwon's cracking facade as he breaks
down all alone by himself when that was the thing
he hated the most, being alone was what he despised
in this narrative, and feeling like it was all his fault
📌 — wordcount : 816 words.

-

...

"I can't just.. I can't believe you."
Jungwon sighs, gently patting a cotton swab
Onto Heeseung's cuts on his fingers from the Glass shard.

"I'm sorry." Heeseung says.
Jungwon flinches, getting reminded of Jay always
Apologizing and apologizing, "There you go again with
Another sorry.. Heeseung. I get it, I know you're angry
About him, but can you just give it another time?"
Jungwon asks quietly.

"I know I know.. It's just.. I couldn't help myself.." Heeseung mutters Out, "That's because you took so much alcohol in the party.. Can't you Just give it a break too?" Jungwon crosses his arms after he bandanges

Heeseung's hand with gauze.

"I'm worried. Heeseung." Jungwon sighs.

"As much as you hate him Heeseung I can't do anything about it, and besides, We're only just here through a work basis okay?" Jungwon silently says to Heeseung, who looked at Jungwon with soft puppy eyes.

"Fine, I'll quit drinking alcohol." Heeseung scoffs.

"Hey, are you upset? Y–You don't need to quit y'know.. I just.. I was just worried okay.." Jungwon mutters out, "You sound upset Babe, it was all my fault for ruining Sunghoon's party." Heeseung Says, making Jungwon regret scolding Heeseung.

Jungwon's soft expression turns into a gentle
Frown, "No no that's not what I meant.. I.. I'm sorry okay,
I just wish you would've just.." Jungwon muttered out, now he Was the one apologizing to Heeseung.

Heeseung sighed, looking at Jungwon.

"I'm gonna go to bed." Heeseung mutters out,
Standing up from his bed and opening the door's
Room to the lounge area to go to another room.

"Where are you going?" Jungwon said silently.

"I'm gonna go sleep in the guest room."

Heeseung mumbles, before Jungwon could say
Anything, the boy left Jungwon in complete silence,
The door closing completely was evident and basically
Felt like a stab into Jungwon's heart.

Jungwon's eyes welled up with tears,
God, it's so hard to be in pain. He hated it.
He hated it so much. He wanted to be so strong, but feeling like Everything was crumbling made him despise everything, He hated, everything, he didn't, want this.
It felt like shards of glass piercing into his skin,
How his loving relationship was on cold ice, not to
Mention the ex he loved the most coming back, then
Coming to this?

It hurt, it hurt so much.

Jungwon cried, and cried, and screamed
Into his pillow his frustrations as he held tightly
Onto the sheets as he sobbed, He didn't wanna make
Heeseung hear him like this.

I feel so stupid, he thought.

It hurts so much, our relationship hurts so much.

Jay, hurt me enough.

Jungwon sobbed and cried and threw his frustrations out,
It wasn't rare that he cried, but  this time, he couldn't hold it
In anymore, he had no idea what to do, he didn't expect Jay
To come back, he didn't expect Heeseung and him to come crashing Down either.

But everything felt like his fault, everything to him felt like
He was the reason that everything was going wrong, he never Felt so useless, it felt like everything that built up inside Him was just releasing throughout his body mentally and physically.

It hurt, it hurt so much.

The pain was unbearable, even if it wasn't like someone
Beat him up, it felt like his heart was on the verge on
Failing him, he hated everything he hated , he hated it,
So, much.  It hurt, everything hurt, so much things hurt,
He, hurt. Jungwon cried and cried, his sobs being frequent and Loud, but not loud enough for Heeseung to see, or even
Care for, it pained Jungwon, he didn't know what love
Meant at this point.

It's all my fault. Was it just all my fault that
This happened?

Jay is injured, Heeseung doesn't wanna talk to me,
It's all, down to me, I was the one to blame here.
Jungwon thought as he covered his ears, wanting
Dead silence as he cried onto his pillow.

He sniffled, removing his face from the soaked pillow
From his tears, still in distraught as he looked at his
Drawer, opening it to see Jay's necklace.
He looked at it and held it, pressing it onto
His chest tightly, biting his lips from being overwhelmed.
But, he couldn't keep it in.

He cried, he cried even more, and laid there,
A total mess of an idiot, it was heartbreaking, and

Boy, was Jungwon not a stranger to that word.

He was totally good friends with it.

And that was what pained him the most.