Why Can't I Be The One By His Side?

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June 6th, 2017

Draken had dropped by the bakery three times already. 'Won't treat you differently' well that was bullshit. And the guy didn't even buy anything the last two times, just sat at a small table near the counter and looked over at him every so often. Anyone other than Takemichi who saw that would definitely think that Draken was stalking him. Ran certainly did, and the giant bastard even still wore platform shoes.

"So is he like in love with you or something?" Ran asked, he was supposed to be cleaning out the espresso machine while Takemichi was serving customers, but it was painfully obvious because Draken was sitting only 3 metres away.

"Oh Draken-kun?" Takemichi laughed aloud just at the thought, "No way, he uh, just found out I went to the hospital the other day and is being overly worried. Just like I told you, my friends are really overbearing."

"Ok, well are you feeling better? You look overly tired today."

Maybe because I was having a mental breakdown until 1 am and then got confronted while I was with someone I really didn't want anyone to find out about. Oh yeah, now Mikey probably hates me and Draken knows I have cancer, so I'm feeling just peachy.

"Had a movie night with a friend."

.

"Draken-kun," Takemichi crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at his friend who had showed up once again at the end of the day. "Don't you have a job you should be at instead of checking up on me every hour?"

"Seishu can handle it. Just wanted to make sure you're alright," Draken replied nonchalantly as if he hadn't been acting like some creepy stalker all day.

"You promised you wouldn't treat me differently," he huffed, "you showed up at my store four times, not even buying shit, that's being different."

Draken sighed, he had gone a little overboard hadn't he? Seishu had certainly given him strange looks because he kept leaving but didn't question it. He assumed Draken might have been trying to contact Mikey, because the latter didn't come home with Draken that morning. But his mind had constantly been reeling ever since Takemichi told him he had cancer. It still didn't feel real. But now his thoughts were filled with, at any moment Takemichi was just gonna drop dead.

"Sorry Takemitchy, I'm just worried y'know?"

"I get that, but it's raising questions. Just shoot me a text or something, I really just want to live my life as normally as possible for as long as I can."

Draken didn't want to know how 'long' that would be.

.

Mikey unclasped his hands yet he didn't raise his head. He stayed there, on his knees in front of his grandfather's shrine. He was heartbroken. He had never felt it before. He had felt jealous whenever he saw how close Takemichi was with others, but this empty feeling in his chest, like a black hole sucking everything out of him, it was terrible.

He did the thing he had dreamed about, he drove around Tokyo until the sun rose without a helmet. He didn't want to stop, because stopping that adrenaline would take his mind back to what he saw in Takemichi's apartment, who he saw.

And now, as he had been for the past hour or so, was at Sano Sasaki's shrine. He was trying to find the words, but he hadn't uttered a sound since he spat those words at Takemichi early that morning. Grandpa Sano was probably looking down at him, disappointed, wishing he could grab Mikey by the scruff of the ear and drag him to Takemichi to apologise. He technically had no right to say that to Takemichi, they weren't together, they never have been and...and they never will be, he realised now. He always had hope. Hope that Takemichi would see him, hold him, love him.

How long had Takemichi and Hanma been fucking? Years? He scowled at the thought. Was Hanma always the reason Takemichi never looked his way? He just couldn't imagine the thought. Takemichi should hate Hanma. Takemichi and eventually Hina had been the main brunts of Kisaki's hateful actions back when they were in school, and with Kisaki, was always Hanma.

Or were Takemichi and Hanma more than that, more than just sleeping together? Or was Takemichi just incapable of loving anyone romantically and Hanma just happened to be the closest person around when he had adult needs to fill? Why couldn't that be him? He would have settled to just be a sex partner to Takemichi because at least then, he could still be by his side.

He was a coward, he idolised Takemichi, he loved Takemichi more than he could even comprehend. He told waiters straight to their face if he didn't like the food or the service, he disobeyed his grandfather countless times, he rejected others without remorse, he boldly declared what he thought of others and yet...and yet he was too afraid to confess to the boy he's been in love with for more than a decade. And look at where that cowardice got him? His face was shoved into the fact that he and Takemichi would never be together. And after what he said, who knows if he'll even have him as just a friend anymore.

.

Takemichi eyed the tobacconist store on his way home, right now, just spending the entire evening smoking, maybe binge watching a TV series sounds like a pretty good way to spend his time. But pretty soon that idea makes his chest feel tight and tears brim in the corners of his eyes. He should apologise to Hanma, he really did care for him as a friend. And Mikey...the look on his face when he saw him with Hanma, he would never be able to forget it. Draken was right, he should talk to Mikey, but how could he? Just imagining his reaction, the way his face would fall and his jaw would tighten, it made him feel sick.

But to take his mind off it, he decided he should call the Sano that already knows.

"Hey Emma-chan."

"Takemichi-kun! You have no idea how worried I've been, how could...

Rather than smoking and binge watching, spending hours on the phone crying with Emma was how he spent his evening. 

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