Collide / [Park Jay]

16

Little by little, with the help of the people around me, I was able to adjust well in this new chapter in my life. It feels refreshing that I'm now experiencing things I used to just imagine before. Attend regular school, live independently, make friends, decide for myself, and such. But sometimes, when I feel like everything's going on my way, I can't help but think that it's going to end somehow. Alam ko naman na dapat ine-enjoy ko na lang 'yong freedom na mayroon ako ngayon pero may mga pagkakataon lang talaga na hindi ko maiwasang mag-isip ng ganoon lalo na kapag mag-isa ako.

Well, don't get me wrong. I like being alone and living with myself. I like being active and making the most out of my time. But the thing is, I've always lived my life following some sort of a routine. Bawat araw, nakatala na sa akin ang mga bagay na gagawin ko sa buong maghapon. It seems like.. there's nothing interesting to look forward to and I'm just following a certain pattern everyday. And my weakness appears after those patterns. Kasi hindi ko na alam kung anong susunod kong gagawin. I can't seem to cope up anymore. I just feel lost.

My life after the pattern allows me to overanalyze things, mainly the reason why I tend to keep myself busy. Kapag abala ako, wala akong rason para mag-isip ng mga bagay na hindi naman makakabuti para sa akin.

"There's a newly opened cafe nearby and they have bunch of promos. Punta tayo later after class? What do you think?" Hana said while showing something to us on her phone. Katatapos lang naming mag-lunch at kasalukuyang naglalakad na pabalik sa classroom.

"Sure, g ako!" Sagot agad ni Sunhee.

"Ikaw, Yerim?" They asked in chorus.

"Uh.. sorry, I can't." Marahan kong tanggi. Napansin ko agad na parang nalungkot sila doon. "I have work later, so.." Paliwanag ko pa at tipid na ngumiti.

I finally made up my mind during the weekends. Malapit lang naman 'yong convenience store sa apartment ko at sandaling oras lang ang trabaho. Ipinaalam ko agad iyon sa store manager at masaya siya sa naging pasya ko. I also told my dad about it and he's fine with it. Iyon nga lang, pareho kaming nag-aalala sa magiging reaksyon ng mommy ko. I just asked him to keep it a secret between us for the time being. Soon, sasabihin ko rin naman 'yon.

"Ha? Paano 'yon, Yerim? You'll be working everyday? Paano 'yong club meetings mo?" Nagtatakang tanong ni Hana. She seemed so confused.

Bago pa ako makasagot ay pare-pareho kaming natigilan dahil sa narinig sa itaas na bahagi ng hagdanan. Nasa kalagitnaan pa lang kami noon kaya hindi pa namin tanaw kung kanino nanggagaling ang boses. I think they're having an intense conversation because we happened to overheard some of it.

"You think I wouldn't know if you're lying or not? I know you stopped attending your private classes. But my concern is, why is your name still on the list? Eh, 'di ba nga hindi ka na pumapasok?" Boses ng babae iyon.

"I'm doing just fine so mind your own business." The guy said in a cold baritone.

Napatingin ako kay Hana at Sunhee para sana magtanong kung anong dapat naming gawin. If we should go back or just stay still because it seems like a private matter. Pero nagulat ako nang wala na akong nadatnan sa likuran ko. Hindi ko alam kung saan sila nagpunta at bakit hindi ko iyon napansin.

I was still in shock when I turn around and immediately saw someone staring at me. Mas nadoble pa yata ang gulat ko doon. He's now looking at me like I did something wrong.

"I.. d-didn't mean to hear that. Sorry." Sinubukan kong maging kalmado kahit hindi na mapakali ang kalooban ko. I don't know if I'm nervous because my friends left without me knowing or there's just something with his gaze..

Jay didn't answer. Nilagpasan niya lang ako at nagpatuloy na sa pagbaba sa hagdanan. I heaved a deep long sigh after he's finally gone from my sight. It was so intense for some reason.

Natigilan lang ako doon, tila pino-proseso pa ang kaganapang iyon. Mayamaya ay narinig ko na lang na may tumatawag sa pangalan ko at halos takbuhin na nila ang pag-akyat sa hagdanan papunta sa akin.

"Yerim, sabi ko bumalik tayo, eh! Nagulat ako na wala ka sa likuran ko!" Sunhee said with a glimpse of panic in her face. Maging ako ay nagulat rin kanina noong wala sila. Hindi ko siguro 'yon narinig.

"That's Jay and Nari." Hana clarified.

"Nari?" Mahina kong tanong habang tinatahak namin ang halos bakanteng hallway papunta sa classroom namin. The students are probably out of the campus for lunch or they're just in the cafeteria.

"Nari. Yoon Nari. The girl earlier, 'di ba? Iyong kapapasok lang sa klase natin." They said. I then nodded slowly after remembering. From what I heard, she was out of the country with her family for a business trip that's why she's almost a month late for school.

"Next time, kapag na-encounter mo ulit sila na gano'n or basta kapag magkasama sila, just find your way out. You know, to avoid trouble." Natatawa pa nilang sinabi.

"Are they in a.." I was about to ask something but stopped in mid-sentence. Bigla kong na-realize na baka hindi tamang itanong iyon.

"Relationship?" Pagtatapos ni Sunhee. Hindi ako agad nakasagot doon dahil parang nahiya rin ako. "Well, no one really knows. They're both cool but when it comes to their personal lives, we're giving them that space." She added.

"Their families are friends and they're quite well-off. Oh, not quite but really well-off! So as much as we want to butt in, we just chose not to. You know, problema ng mayayaman!" Natatawang sabi ni Hana.

Hindi na ako nakaimik doon pero nagtagal iyon sa isip ko. It's interesting but like what they've said, there should be lines that we're not supposed to cross. And I guess, I should be careful from now.