When can you come back again? [MILEX] +18

3

December 24, 2018

Miles: How are you, my love? In this particular celebration, more than ever, I am blinded by nostalgia. Somebody told the stars you're not coming out tonight and so they found a place to hide. My soul hurts to miss you, my soul hurts to not find you. I want to sleep in the city that never wakes up and revel in nostalgia. Did your existence meet mine or maybe, I just imagined it all? I ...

A tug on my pants pulled me out of my writing and gloom, looking down, little Amelia hangs on me. She smiled at me and I picked her up, smothering her plump cheeks with kisses. She is wearing a red velvet dress, white pantyhose, and the tiny black patent leather shoes that I give her. She laughs when my kisses make sounds. In her hand, she is carrying her favourite stuffed animal: an Easter bunny that Nick and Kelly gave her.

- Will you go downstairs for dinner or will you keep hiding? - Matt asks, leaning on the door frame of my office, watching the tender scene I starred in with his three-year-old daughter

- I'm quite alright hiding tonight - I say without looking at him, concentrating on Amelia's smile as she touches my beard, tickling her little hands

- Alex ...

- Let's get down, my little Amelia Darling, before your daddy bothers me ...

I kiss her cheek again and she lets out a laugh, which wraps my sad heart in a blanket of sweetness. She stretches her arms when she sees Matt, he takes her leaving a small kiss on her forehead. We walk through several corridors, until we reach the exclusive staff room, where we will spend Christmas night. At the table, everyone is waiting for me. When Nick sees me, he gets up and goes to get food. Jamie starts serving the drinks. Tonight, it's just us, we gave the employees the day so they can be with their families, just as we would be with ours.

The first to become a father was Nick, with his girlfriend Kelly they had Hearst four years ago. The little blond is kneeling on a chair, devouring some baked potatoes. The first to marry was Jamie, to Katie, his longtime girlfriend. Matt was the last to make such a commitment, with Breana, a North American girl. He and Jamie became parents the same year, in 2015, the first one to Amelia and the last one to Forrest. I'm happy for them and I love being an uncle. I wish for the same life, and I believed it was going to happen when eight years ago I got engaged to the only girlfriend I've ever had: Alexa. We met at a music festival, and the crush was instantaneous. Despite our different lives, she is a fashion journalist, and I have several jobs saving for the dream that we chase with my friends. We managed to be together. She was the woman of my dreams; elegant, cultured, intelligent, funny, and as beautiful on the outside as on the inside. I thought that after three years together, we could take the next big step. I was so immensely happy when she accepted my marriage proposal. We spent a year planning the wedding, until three months before the agreed date, she announced that she couldn't do it. Getting married would ruin her career. The job offer to work in New York was presented and she accepted behind my back. My heart was shattered. After that event, I haven't been able to establish a relationship.

Jamie had tried to match me up with friends of his wife, and Matt before Breana, when he would go out to bars to meet girls, would also try to get me to hook up with someone like him. I couldn't, I had, but the next morning, I woke up uncomfortable at the idea of ​​having slept with someone I didn't know. I don't judge it, but I don't prefer it. I need to fall in love, or feel some kind of connection for something so intimate. Forrest started kicking and throwing food, he was obviously already sleepy. I offered to put the little one to sleep so Jamie and Katie could have a quiet dinner. They refused but I insisted until they accepted my offer. Taking the child by the arms, I carried him and left the room, speaking in a low voice and stroking his back. They say that I have something magical with children, a simple touch or words, and they calm down. I went up to the elevator, and went down to the floor where every corner has his memory. I look in my trouser pocket for the key that I always carry with me. I opened the door to room 505 and turned on the nightstand light. Stroking my nephew's hair, I settled into the couch and sang a lullaby. Forrest hid on my neck. I looked at the bed and imagined that he was still there, curled up peacefully like he was that morning. A tear ran down my cheek.