When can you come back again? [MILEX] +18

4

January 03, 2019 - London

- Matthew! Bear with me, man, I lost my train of thought!

- What exactly is it you've been drinking these days?

- A little of this, a little of that, who knows?

It bothers Matt that I drink. He assures me that lately I have done it in excess. But Matt is a good friend, even though I haven't been in a while. He deposits money on the bar, and patiently takes my arm, urging me to get up.

- Your eyes are heavy and the weather's getting ugly, let's go Alex ... you've had enough

- Do you think I need to spend less time stood around in bars? Do you think I look pathetic?

- I think you should forget about him and go on with your life, I'm sorry it's like that, but he's gone, and neither I, nor Jamie, nor Nick can continue to witness your self-destruction ... at least do it for your nephews

I followed him and got into his car to go back to the hotel. The dark night is illuminated with the flashes of lightning. On the way, in my confused drunkenness, my friend's words echo in my mind.

August 22, 2018

- Do you remember where it all went wrong?

- Exactly the wrong time in exactly the wrong place

Miles left the room. During the three days that I took care of him, he progressively improved. We didn't talk, since most of the time he slept. I sensed that my company made him feel safe. I was in charge of cleaning the room, changing the sheets, bathing him, keeping him hydrated and nourishing himself with easy-to-digest dishes. Getting the utensils he used to self-destruct one last time out of the room was the hardest thing for me. I didn't want to touch them, nor did I want him to see me doing it. Finally, on the second day, while he was sleeping, wearing gloves, I threw them into a bag. Even if it was wrong, I checked his belongings to see if he still had some of the substance, I didn't find anything. It's the first night that he would go out for air, and he wondered if I would accompany him. We agreed that after the dinner, he would join in the routine inspection.

- ... My mother passed away in 2014, due to cardiac arrest. From one day to the next, I didn't have her anymore. We were very close, you know? I had planned a trip for both of us, I finally got a stable job and was able to afford it ... she deserved more than that trip, she raised me alone, since my parents separated when I was very young, and my dad ... started another family and practically forgot about me

- Miles, I'm so sorry, I can't even imagine the pain you must feel

He followed me as he spoke, his hands in his pocket. Even though I was concentrating on my tasks, I also listened carefully to him. Additionally, I noticed how he half smiled when I offered my condolences.

- I couldn't bear the idea that she was gone, and it seemed very unfair to me, so I started spending time in bars, drinking until I lost consciousness. Until one night, the bar I frequented was closed, an inspection closed it, I think, I no longer remember. The point is that I walked blocks and blocks, until I found one that caught my attention. I found it at the end of an alley. I never liked judging by covers, so I gave it a shot despite its seedy facade. By the end of the night, I had already injected heroin. The beginning of the end!

When he mentioned the word "heroin" I stopped my walk. My gaze sought his, but didn't find it. He was looking out at the grass.

- My girlfriend got tired of me coming to our apartment high on drugs, so she dumped me. Since I was late for work, they cut my hours, so I also had to move because I just couldn't pay for where I lived. I got into a fight with my whole family, and my friends stopped inviting me to spend time with them

- What was it that made you reconsider your situation?

At the question, Miles winced.

- There are things that I just cannot explain to you and those that I hope I don't ever have to ... but I felt very alone and very afraid of dying

- But now you are not, now you have me

The words were automatic, they came out of my mouth without thinking. As well as my hand went to him and gave him a squeeze. Miles's surprised gaze searched mine.

- You don't even know me, and you take care of me like nobody else, you give me the strength to continue

- How can I put you off, when you're a matter of urgency?

My thumb stroked his palm. We stood still, staring at each other and our hands exploring each other. We agree by looking down at them at the same time, and observing our hands, as if it were a burn, we immediately part. Conscience manifested that the situation was uncomfortable. Miles lit a cigarette, and we walked on.

- Do you have someone, Alex?

- If you mean my relationship situation, no, I'm single. I was engaged once

- And what happened?

- She didn't want to marry ... she chose her professional career. I don't blame her for that, I wouldn't have given up on the hotel either

Miles didn't ask any more. When he finished smoking, he quickened his pace to walk beside me, brushing our bare arms. The feel of his skin against mine made me tingle strangely. An electricity that I hadn't perceived before. In the moonlight, his honey-colored eyes turned golden. I found it drawing me towards him. Perhaps what is happening to me is that it has been a long time since I have had intimate contact with a woman, and I was convinced that was the reason why I was fantasising about a male guest.