I need you here, why are you not here? If you're not here, where are you?

Chapter Ten

{Ten}

Having a strong hold on the fragile blue pen in my right hand, writing on a random write block I found laying around in the living room.

My head is a very scary place right now.
Sometimes silence hurts more than the truth,
And sometimes you do not need the truth because silence is an answer too.

A loud thunder followed by a light flash makes me look up. Staring out of the window in front of the old wooden desk, I see that the sky turned dark, almost pitch black.

Barely audible to myself but loud enough for the flame from the candle to move, I whisper. "You loved thunderstorms."

Looking down on my paper I shred and fold it, laying it aside as I start with a new one. But before I start, I take a sip from my drink, the substance burning in my throat.

Thunderstorms,
To me they sound scary, loud, and rainy.
To you it sounds like heaven.
Half hell, half heaven.
You knew I was scared to death for thunderstorms,
Yet you dragged me every time to the big window on the second floor.

Maybe it was a sloppy excuse so you could hold me,
Maybe you actually loved watching the rain drops fall, the light flashes, and the dangerous sounds of the thunder,
Maybe it reminded you that even nature needed to scream sometimes,
And maybe, maybe all of that made me love them too.

Being curdled up on your lap, your arms holding me close, your nose nuzzling in my hair, soft whispers of sweet words to calm me down.
But what I loved most, is watching you watching the thunderstorm.
You could sit there all night watching nature scream for help,
And I could sit there all night watching you relate to nature.
And oh I love the expression you have when a there's a light flash you think is beautiful.
And oh I miss the expression you had when you counted right and you looked at me,
Pure happiness written all over you face.