Dance For Me

Delusions

//TW: Miscarriage//

*Cassidy POV*

"What makes you think I'd ever want to have a baby with you, huh?"

Justin kicks me while I'm already down, literally. I shouldn't have agreed to come out with him tonight. He's too high, too drunk.

He brought us to this sketchy motel to meet some of his friends. I know he's only here to score some drugs, but I wanted to tell him the news when we weren't at my apartment, I knew this is how he'd react and I didn't want Calum to see it.

Calum's been begging for us to move, so Justin won't know where we live, but I can't, I love him.

"Answer me!" Justin screams, kicking me repeatedly in the abdomen.

I know what he's trying to do. He's never purposely kicked me in the stomach before. It's obvious what he wants this outcome to be.

He's trying to kill our baby.

"It was an accident, I swear" My mouth fills with blood as he begins throwing punches.

I wish my body was used to this, I wish it got easier every time, but it doesn't.

A hard knock comes through the motel door and Justin lets out a rugged scream. He pulls a small pocket knife from his pocket, placing it onto my throat, pushing on it roughly, but not enough to bleed.

"Stand up, don't say a fucking word" I scramble to get myself up off the floor. I know he doesn't like when people see me looking pathetic.

I can feel the blood rushing from my nose and mouth as I stand straight. My head feels dizzy but I try my best to keep myself standing straight up. My ripped dress and missing shoe makes it obvious of what happened in this room.

Justin swings the door open, revealing a shorter gentleman with wavy brown hair, his chocolate brown eyes are cold as he looks between Justin and I. His all black outfit and designer shoes force me to look towards the floor. He seems important, and I don't want to screw anything up for Justin, more than I already have.

"Zach, my man. How's it going?" Justin's attitude completely changes as the man walks through the door.

"Is she good?" His voice is low as he asks about me

"Yeah, she got jumped on her way over here, she'll be fine. Ain't that right, kitten?" Justin walks over, pinching my shoulder.

"Yeah" I keep my voice quiet as I speak.

"Get yourself cleaned up, I'll be back later"

He didn't come back until the next day, and by the time he did, I was already bleeding on the bathroom floor of the motel room.

I didn't want to go back to the apartment when I was in such bad shape, Calum would've questioned me and I wouldn't be able to give him an answer. I couldn't tell him I was pregnant because he'd be disappointed in me. Not because I was having a baby but because I was having one with Justin. Calum always hated him, and clearly for good reason.

If Calum found out Justin was hitting me, I don't know what he would do, but I know it wouldn't be very pretty.

I get the same déjà vu feeling as I sit in another unfamiliar bathroom, bleeding from another loss.

Maybe I'm not meant to be a mother, or maybe it just wasn't the right time, again.

I've felt so ill that I haven't moved from beside the toilet since I started bleeding. My mind has been foggy and my body feels numb. I've been seeing things that aren't there. In a delusional state, if you will. I think it's my mind trying to cope with losing the baby.