Him | k.sj.

.5

The steaming hot water buzzing against my skin couldn't soothe the worry battling within me. I used this time to shed the remaining tears I'd hidden from Seokjin. I feel idiotic. Stupid. I used my friend to cure my own insecurities instead of talking with him. However, he's used me to relay his genuine feelings about us. Now we are both in a bind.

Even my quiet sobs against the steaming shower couldn't stop my memories of him a few moments ago, give or take a few years ago. From the moment I met him at the network, till our first official meeting at his parent's Christmas party, and the time we spent together in between, I wondered how have we had managed not act on our impulses sooner?

My sobs continued until I wrinkled underneath the water. I'm not sure how long I've been in here, but a part of me hoped Seokjin has left. I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. The steam covered every surface of the window and my bathroom. I towel dried my body, but not my hair. I needed some form of matter to remind me I still breathed. Even after my intimate moment, I remained sad, but now it seemed for a different reason.

I opened the door to find my bed unmade, but not cluttered. It was later than I was usually awake and my stomach rumbled, not having any satisfaction from hunger earlier. I threw on something to cover me and halfway dried my hair. Seokjin had not left. Though I didn't see him, I sensed him, or perhaps the residue of our lovemaking.

Slowly, I stepped out of my bedroom and found Seokjin in one of his favorite places, the kitchen. My stomach growled again, catching the aroma of food sitting on the table as if waiting for me. Seokjin sat down. He wore his jacket and his hair laid disheveled on his head, but still made him handsome as ever. He smiled and gestured for me to have a seat.

"I can't stay long, but I wanted to make sure you got something to eat." He spoke. Hunger stung my body, needing substance to fulfill it, but I found myself satisfied from Seokjin's presence, though there was something lingering in his tone suggesting he wasn't as pleasant as he seemed.

I nodded. "Thank you." A guilt hovered over me. Still saddened, I needed to explain myself to him. "Look Jin..."

He held up his hand, interrupting my statement. "Hazel, we don't have to do this. Just eat, okay?" There was a bitterness attached to his words. Annoyance visited Seokjin.

"I can tell something is bothering you, Jin. Why don't we talk about it?" I offered. My hunger suddenly went away and replaced with nerves. I sensed another disagreement coming.

Seokjin scoffed, rolling his eyes away while twitching his lips. "You regret what we did, don't you?" He glared.

"I never said," I whispered. "But maybe it was a mistake. We agreed to be friends and sex complicates it. It complicates us. Besides, you're still talking to your ex, so it's obvious you're not ready for anything." My body trembled, admitting my reason for allowing us to enter a compromising situation.

Seokjin's browns knitted in disgust. He scoffed again and stood up, walking toward the living room area. He rested his hands on his hips and turned toward me. "The things I talk to her about have no relevance in reconnecting a relationship. She wanted advice on how to handle a situation and I gave it to her. That was the end." He answered.

I felt even more foolish. Of course, she would make it seem more than it was.

"She asked me if anything was going on with us." Seokjin sneered with a humorless smile. "I told her it was none of her business. Of course, she didn't like that, but I could care less." He approached me, eyes glazed as if he wanted to cry, but he gritted, trying his best not to let his tears fall. "You're the one who's not ready, Hazel. I don't want to be another mistake to you." He retorted before walking away.

What have I done? "Seokjin, wait! Don't go, wait!" I called after him, but he ignored me, heading straight toward the door. I rushed to him, grabbing his arm and he slowed his tracks, rolling his stare back at me. "Don't leave like this, Jin, please." I pleaded.

Crimson tainted Seokjin's stare. "You made it like this." He snatched away and opened the door, leaving me struck by the tension now hovering over me.

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I'll finish this 💜

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