Him | k.sj.

.10

I'm not sure how long I sat against the door, head lifted, while emotion flooded my eyes and flowed down my cheeks. My head buzzed. My heart drummed. I wish I felt my body, but I'm not sure if I would react to my own touch-or would. I'm not sure if I'm even here.

He left. I told him I loved him, and it didn't matter to him. He turned his back on me and left. There were no words, no hesitation. Nothing but a decisive pain he's willing to endure after I told him the truth. He's willing to ignore his feelings, omit mine and move on as if nothing mattered. It's bullshit. It's utter bullshit and I don't believe it for one second.

Seokjin loves me. I love him. What the fuck is wrong with us?

It's me. He's doing this because of me. Because I said I couldn't handle a celebrity's life. That was before I met him. Before, I thought about loving someone besides family, and they'd feel the same for me. How can he not see this? How could he be so blind to not realize I threw that silly notion away from moment he kissed me? Or the days when I would tutor him on the piano? Last December. Why didn't he see it then?

I'm an idiot. He told me what he wanted, and I shut him down. He respected it, but it hurt him. It wasn't because of the celebrity status. It was because I feared I couldn't be he wanted in a relationship, yet it would kill me to see him with someone else. Capricious, I know. I should have my head examined. After thinking about our time in December, he didn't care about that. Seokjin would take me as I am, and I turned him down. Of course, he would turn his back on me.

Could I run after him? It's not like I don't know where he lives. I would run all the way to his dorm like a madwoman. Tired and out of breath, I would knock on the door until someone answered, find him and confessed my love to him over and over until he get in his head that I want no one but him. That I've always wanted him. Could I do this? I closed my eyes, imagining myself doing just that-except Seokjin takes me before I got the words out and reciprocated his feelings for me. Could this happen instead?

What am I doing? I love this man, so why am I sitting here when I should go after him?

With all my strength, I lifted myself from the floor and grabbed my keys off the counter. I swung the door open and gasped. My chest tightened and I'm sure I wasn't breathing.

"Hazel," he called, voice deep and raspy.

Seokjin didn't give me a chance to respond, and I allowed his kiss to convey whatever he wanted. Whatever he needed. Something seemed different with this kiss. It was roughly steady, demanding. As if his lips told me I was his and he wasn't letting me go. It was goodbye and hello at the same time.

"I'm sorry." He uttered on my lips. "I'm sorry I turned my back on you when you said you loved me. Please. Please tell me you forgive me. I promise to never turn my back on your truth again."

My eyes filled again. "I forgive you, Jin." Before I spoke again, I exhaled, then said, pausing our kiss, "I want to be your girl, Seokjin. I want to be at your apartment, play games with you, play the piano for you and cuddle in your arms while we watch our favorite dramas. Everything. I want to be everything to you and I want to experience everything with you. I love you, Seokjinnie, so much."

He lifted away, but his lips were still close to mine. "I love you, Hazelnut. I love you and I will protect you. You are mine and if you say otherwise, I will..." He paused. "I will tickle you mercilessly until you scream Seokjinnie is the best." He said. A sly grin followed afterwards.

I bit down on my lip, chuckling. My heart running erratic to a non-existent finish line. I leaned in and gave him the softest kiss I could muster before pulling away and wrapping my arms around him. "Deal." I said.

Seokjin lifted me by my legs and cradled me in his arms . "Good. Now, we've got some making up to do." He said as we headed towards my bedroom.

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