Agent 34 (Book 1)

23. Don't want to? Or Can't?

There's a message at the end of the chapter about why I've been absent. Other than the obvious, dealing with classes. I was going to post it up here, but it's kind of long.

Anyway, Enjoy!

Sam's POV

After losing my hearing in my teens, I'd spent a good few months getting used to the feel of the hearing aids in my ears. After that, it took over a year to get to a point where I could almost forget they were there.

Now, I was more aware of them than ever. And I wanted nothing more than to rip them from my ears and throw them as far away from me as I possibly could. I couldn't do that, however, or else I'd get my family killed.

Couldn't tell anyone about what was going on. Couldn't warn them about Lydia. Not without suffering the consequences. Lydia had made that abundantly clear.

"I will know if you tell," Lydia said. "I can promise you that." She knelt down with her gun in her hand, leveling it at me. "And if you think you can write a quick note, type a quick message, that won't work. Trust that I have people watching you and at the slightest hint of you trying to get help, your family dies."

I stared back at her blankly. "Honestly," I said. "I figured pen and paper was a little old school anyway, especially when I could just use sign language."

The blow that slammed into my head would have brought me to my knees if I hadn't already been on the floor.

I touched at the wound on my temple. It brought me pain, but I ignored it.

I wanted desperately to tell Everly. Hell, I wanted to tell anyone at this point. That wasn't going to happen though. I couldn't risk it.

Without expressly saying it, Lydia had made it clear that she had people in the agency. She had people on the inside. I didn't know who they were and for all I knew, one of them was a member of the new team Everly was working with. I couldn't take the chance of telling anyone when there were lives at stake and any conversation be it verbal or otherwise had a chance of being picked up on. No matter how slim that chance, I couldn't-wouldn't-risk it.

But that didn't mean that I had to completely play along.

I was only in this position as long as I was useful and I didn't intend to be very useful for very long.

The quickest way to make sure I would no longer be useful? Make sure I wasn't involved with the people who made me useful. If Everly had no reason to be around me, then Lydia couldn't use me against her.

I figured Lydia would be pissed, but I was willing to take that chance. After all, I hadn't technically broken any of her rules yet.

Though every second I was stuck in this predicament was killing me. I couldn't consciously let my sister, my niece, and my nephew die but I also knew that eventually, there would be no way for me to go through with whatever Lydia asked of me.

I rubbed at my head, the ache in my temple having nothing to do with the blow I'd received from Lydia. I pulled at my hair, wanting to scream. To shout. Wanting for all of this to be some kind of fucked up dream and when I finally woke up-when I finally opened my eyes-I'd be anywhere but here. Somewhere else, with Everly by my side, my family safe, and everything back to the way it had been only a week ago.

I suppose if I was really wishing for all of that to be true, then it'd be nice if Lydia and Hayden's positions were reversed.

I tipped my head up to the sky and closed my eyes, letting out a long resigned sigh. I knew, that as soon as I was no longer of use to Lydia, she'd start tying up loose ends, which would mean my death. Which was the other reason, I'd come to the decision to break things off with Everly-no matter how much it pained me to do so-I didn't want her to have to mourn my death while she still cared for me. I'd rather burn the bridge and let her hate me all the way into my grave.