The Protector

TWENTY - FOUR

My hair was still damp against Julian's warm chest as I outlined the several colorful tattoos on his body. I smiled and thought how envious Avery would be of me as I traced the outline of a large one below his navel. I returned my hand to the beautiful tatoos on his left arm. A bright turquoise sparrow caught my eye. The sparrow was extremely intricate, perched on a golden branch on his forearm. I followed the branch up with my fingertips to where it slowly transformed into a lock of hair, flowing from a beautiful girl's head on the inside of his bicep. The girl looked oddly familiar and I wondered if she was the tattooed representation of Julian's beloved Emily. I tried to ignore the thought as Julian wrapped his right arm around me and lazily drew circles across my pale tattoo free shoulder.

"Will you tell me why you were crying earlier?" he whispered, his voice raspy as it escaped his swollen lips. It was late, but neither of us were tired. We were too busy making up for lost time to be tasked with something as trivial as sleep, even though my body now battled that sentiment.

"It's not important," I said, focusing my eyes on the white walls, noticing how boring and dull my room was compared to Avery's fabulous suite. Julian, however, was undeterred by my flippancy, guiding my chin so my eyes met his. He reached out his left arm to slowly trace my own swollen red lips and I playfully nibbled at his large index finger.

"Your tears are important to me," he said, and my heart seized at the intensity in his green eyes. It was an intensity that screamed much more than 'just friends'. I tore my eyes away from his, trying to ignore the pair of gorgeous honey colored eyes that remained in the periphery of my subconscious.

"I ran into Francesca Radulov when I was leaving a friend's room, and she said some stupid, unkind things to me. That's all," I admitted to him and hated how stupid and childish I sounded. Julian stiffened beneath me.

"Whose room? What kind of stupid things?" he asked in a nonchalant way, but I could hear the slightes tinge of jealousy in his voice. I shook my head and pushed out a little peace in his direction, a new skill I recently learned in my Peace Keeping for the Professional class last week.

His shoulders relaxed beneath me and he chuckled, "No fair." He groaned and kissed my hair.

"Have you met me? I never said I play fair," I teased, laughing. "I was in Avery Bennett's room, suite, rather, but before you puff up your chest and get all jealous and alpha, you should know you are much more his type than I am."

Julian grunted. "Oh, I know all about Avery. And you should know by now I'm everyone's type," he proffered proudly and I sat up from the bed and attempted to crawl away, feigning disgust. "Oh no, you don't," he barked and grabbed me by my ankle, flipping me back onto his chest before I even knew he'd moved.

"Speaking of not playing fair," I muttered, but quickly threw a hand over my mouth to hide my smile. He traced the goosebumps on my arms that cruelly gave me away.

"You still haven't told me what the Radulov girl said," he said and I sighed.

"Oh, just the usual mean girl bullshit. I'm a whore, full of STDs, blah, blah, blah," I said and shrugged, pretending her words didn't sting. I've always been a bit of a people pleaser so this much outright hatred sat heavy on my heart. "I thought that stupid shit would end after high school and when it was just as prevalent in college, I thought it would finally end in the 'real world'. Guess not," I mused.

"Some people never grow up, but you know none of that's true," he stated firmly as he sat up to look me in the eye.

"Of course," I lied and the words fell flat as soon as they left my lips.

"I'm serious, Perry," he said and the intensity in his voice made me shiver. "You're the most amazing, beautiful, kind-hearted person I've ever met. I know we agreed to be just friends because of the losses we both experienced, but that's become quite difficult for me," he admitted and I held up a hand to beg him to stop, but he persisted. "I mean it, I didn't expect this, but somehow over these past few months you picked up every shredded piece of my heart and glued it back together again." I shook my head, wanting to cower from his words, but I found myself unable to do so. I had been lying to myself for months, trying to convince myself I didn't feel the same way about him. I tried to convince myself that in Kyler's devastating absence I felt nothing for Julian, pretending as though he hadn't somehow found a way to make me feel whole again. In reality, I know Julian had somehow completely blindsided me and made me feel something as dangerous as love - hope. The hope for a bright future with someone else, someone other than Kyler Isaacs. I reflected back to how earlier today I had foolishly thought I would run to Kyler in that cell and apologize for feeling this conflicted, but the truth was, I wasn't sorry. I wasn't sorry for healing myself, even if my healing occurred by, and many times in, the hands of someone else. The hands of Julian Rodriguez.

"Please, say something," Julian begged as his tear-filled eyes searched mine.

"I would be lying to you, and myself, if I said I didn't feel the same," I said, brushing my hand to his cheek to catch the tear that fell. "But, I don't know how much I'll be able to give you. I do know I won't be able to give you everything you deserve. My heart doesn't have that capacity right now. Not after everything that has happened. After Ben. After Kyler...," my voice trailed off, and he reached across to catch the tear that rolled down my cheek. We sat in silence for several moments, across from one another, occasionally stealing a glance to see what the other was thinking.

"The only thing I ask is we both give this, whatever this may be, a real shot and see what happens. We should always be honest with one another, even when it's uncomfortable, and we should try our best not to hurt one another," he said, breaking the silence, his voice rushed and bordering on mania. I opened my mouth to explain to him all the reasons why this crazy idea was catastrophic, but I found myself unable to speak. Honestly, I did want to try this, whatever it was, with him. I wanted to try to take the leftover pieces of our collective hearts and see what could possibly become of the combination. The man in front of me, no matter how equally broken, was good for me. He saved me when nothing or no one else could. He squeezed my hands stiffly between his awaiting my answer.

"Okay," I croaked.

"Okay, what?" he asked, pressing my hands again.

"We can give this a try," I said as I let out all the air in my lungs. I suddenly felt lighter than I had in a long time. His lips met mine before we could say anything else, and we fell back onto my bed. Our mouths slowly explored one another, as if our tongues were meeting for the first time. I shut off my mind completely, and that Tuesday night, on the twenty-fifth day of September, I gave myself entirely to Julian. My body. My heart. My mind. I was his, and only his, for the first time in my life, without any Brown-Eyed ghosts watching over me.