The Protector

FIFTY-EIGHT

"Perry...." Kyler called out to me. I sat up from my bed, taking in the lilac walls of my childhood bedroom. This isn't right - Kyler never came to Portland, my head argued. "Perry, are you there?" he called again, and my brain suffocated the rational side.

"I'm right here," I called out as Kyler flung open the door to my bedroom. I staggered to my feet in my short pink plaid pajama shorts and sky blue tank top.

"Now that I know everything, and you've shown me your heart, I can't imagine not having it, not having you..." I licked my lips and closed my eyes.

"Kyler, we can't. You know I'm with someone else, and so are you. This is wrong," I said, trying to convince myself more than him. My shirt stuck to my back from my sweat as I looked at him in his black T-shirt and tight jeans. He ignored me and continued to walk slowly towards me. I backed up until my legs hit the edge of my dresser. I was trapped and he gently ran his hand along my collarbone.

"When are you going to stop pretending you don't want me?" he asked as he replaced his fingers with his lips on my collarbone, kissing up the side of my neck, my cheek, the corner of my mouth.

"Kyler," my voice a raspy whisper, "we can't." I pressed my hands against his strong chest. He stepped back and the insecurity in his honey eyes was enough to send me over the edge. Enough to send me from rationality to fantasy. I crossed the distance between us and slammed my lips against his, knotting my hands into his hair. His surprised mouth faltered for a moment before he opened his lips and I could taste him again. Mint and whisky. He swiped out his long arm, knocking everything from my dresser, my participation trophy from fifth grade kickball snapping as it fell to the floor.

"It's only sex," I growled as he picked me up and placed me on the dresser, ripping my shirt down the middle. "I mean it. This can't be anything more than sex." I moaned as his mouth worked its way down my chest. I reached out and ripped off his black shirt, returning the favor.

"That's a shame, I really did like that shirt," he teased, reminding me of when I was first gifted his shirt a year ago. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me backwards towards my bed, kissing me even harder.

"I've wanted you for so long," he said breathlessly as he pulled my shorts down over my hip bones.

"I've wanted you too," I panted, pulling his black boxer briefs down his strong, muscular legs. He shoved his leg between mine to push them even further apart.

"You ready?" he asked, hovering above me.

"Stop talking," I said, pulling him towards me and suddenly my eyes opened.

I was too hot, sweating so much my hair was wet underneath, wrapped in the plaid blanket on the rooftop. I lifted my head off Kyler's chest, my eyes meeting his beautiful Brown Eyes, visibly twinkling.

"Funny business," I muttered, sitting up quickly.

"Tell that to your dirty subconscious mind," he laughed, not bothering to sit up, but I noticed he enjoyed the dream as much as I did, his tight athletic shorts providing all the proof I needed.

"How do you know it wasn't your dirty subconscious mind?" I argued. He pulled himself up next to me, pushing a dark wet lock of my hair behind my ear.

"I've never seen your bedroom in Portland. How could I dream about it?" He tilted his head to the side. I looked away from him again, towards the sunrise peeking over the Bank of America tower. Something inside of me stirred at the bright orange and pink colors illuminating the morning sky.

"You're right. I'm sorry."

"I'm not. That was a fantastic dream," he said with a broad smile, and I felt my stomach leap. He shifted his position so he was sitting behind me, pulling my back into his chest. This was dangerous. I shouldn't have been there with him like this. He was engaged, and I was with Julian.

"Kyler..." I began, but he tightened his grip around me.

"Don't. Just sit here with me and enjoy the view." He said it easily, but there was an edge of desperation to his voice.

"It's not right-"

"Your skin looked just like this that night on your front porch during finals week when I surprised you," he said, stroking my hand gently. "Like you took a bath in strawberry sherbert, so delicious." His voice was wistful with the memory.

"How do you remember that?!" I asked, turning so I could face him. He smiled softly at me, but his eyes looked sad.

"After you showed me your memory recall last night I fell asleep, and as I slept, something inside of me shifted, like a big piece of stone, allowing me to remember it all in my own way. Remember you, Perry," he said. "That is, until I was pulled into your dream..." He smiled wickedly.

"I'm sorry," I said again, looking back at the skyline.

"Stop apologizing. I'm glad to know it's not one-sided." He laughed and drew circles on my back.

"What isn't one-sided?"

"Come on, I tried to kiss you last night. If that's not obvious I don't know what is..."

Before I could respond, a wave of nausea settled over me and my brain pulsed. I fell to the side, gripping onto Kyler's thigh for balance, and my eyes turned white.

I was kissing Kyler for the first time on the bathroom counter, then we were dancing in my bedroom after the country concert. Suddenly, the vision morphed into Julian kissing me in Portland after the rock concert, back to Kyler kissing me on the front porch of my apartment, and back again to Julian kissing me on the front porch of my mother's house. My mind flashed in and out, distorting the visions, making them overlap in a way they never had before. Julian held me at the park in Portland, watching the sunrise, Kyler held me on the roof in Dallas watching me watch the sunrise.

Kyler pulled away from me abruptly, causing me to slam painfully back into my body, and fall backwards. I blinked my eyes a few times, trying to steady myself as my mind reeled. Kyler paced in front of me at the edge of the rooftop, his shoulders tense and his long strides grinding into the tar of the roof. My stomach dropped somewhere below my Vans when I realized I was touching Kyler when my mind had flipped so violently. He had seen everything, our earth shattering moments intermixed with the passionate memories of Julian from this past summer.

"Kyler..."

"Do you love him?" He asked suddenly, turning on me.

"What?" I asked naively, trying to tear my eyes away from his.

"Do you love Julian?" He hadn't moved, but I felt as though he had shoved me right off the edge of the building. I stared down at the blue plaid blanket wishing I could melt into a stitch in the fabric. I couldn't look Kyler in the eye for this exchange. I knew if I did, I would lie and tell him I don't love Julian, that I had only ever loved him. Maybe in the long run that would be true, but for the time being, I knew I loved them both.

"It's different," I managed, still not looking at him, even though I could feel him staring at me.

"Do you love Alana?" I countered before I could stop myself. I certainly didn't want to hear his answer, but I needed to hear it. He was silent for several moments, so I had time to find the courage to finally look up. Kyler's Brown Eyes were pensive and I wasn't sure why, but I could feel his guard was back up.

"It's different," he finally growled before stomping past me, and ripping open the door to the stairwell.