The Protector

FIFTY-NINE

My next week of classes went by rather quickly. I managed to avoid both Radulov sisters like the plague, continued my morning beatings with Jin Sung, and hadn't seen Kyler since our last meeting on the rooftop. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed, but I knew his absence was for the best since Julian was pulling extra shifts all week. He was bound and determined to find Beth, and I loved him even more for it.

I sat perched on my bed, pen in my mouth and computer in my lap, trying for the millionth time to write my paper on the Legend of the Sisters, while the news played quietly in the background. According to Shillings, it was 'imperative to stay up to date with nightly headlines' because they could give us subtle hints on The Resistance's whereabouts.

I turned up the volume as the overly tanned female news anchor announced, "No leads have been made in the deadly gas leak at the popular bar ORO last Friday night. The leak caused one death and several other patrons to suffer short term memory loss." I shuddered at the thought of the dead redhead girl next to me in the cage and shut off the TV.

When Avery visited me in the infirmary, he showed me through my gift of touch how he and Alana had used their peacefulness to lull the entire bar to sleep, and wipe the memories of everyone there with a powerful Healer serum through the sprinkler system. It was the perfect cover. Society knew The Protection couldn't anticipate accidents, so this was just another senseless tragedy. Beth's blue eyes floated through my mind, but a sudden knock on my door made them disappear just as quickly. My Seer instincts heard Julian's rapid heartbeat on the other side of the door.

"Come in," I said lazily, not bothering to look up from my computer screen. I was expecting him, but hoped he was running late so I could spend more time on my paper. I rummaged through my backpack next to me looking for the small black book from the library, but became frustrated when I couldn't find it. "Where did I put it?" I asked myself and grumbled, shaking the backpack upside down. I heard Julian enter the room, but I didn't look up as my backpack's contents spilled all over my bed. I felt a strange sensation enter the room with Julian.

"Hi," was all he could mutter as he stood in front of me. I looked up at him and noticed his disheveled clothing and tired appearance. I forgot about my search and stood up, reaching out for his hands.

"What's wrong?" I asked, sensing a disturbance between us. He shook his head and glanced down at the floor.

"Nothing. I'm just so tired," he mumbled, barely a whisper.

"Come sit down. Are you hurt? Did you find Beth?" I prodded as he sat down on the bed. Frustrated again with my mess, I pushed everything off and onto the floor, creating a space for both of us to sit down. I sat down and rubbed his back as he dropped his head into his hands, rubbing his temples.

"No, I didn't, but I think I'm getting close," he said with a little more energy.

"Good. Do you want something to eat or drink?" I asked him as I stood up and headed to the desk to see if I even had anything to offer. Julian kicked off his shoes and slid himself back on the bed and placed his head on my pillow, turning onto his side. He looked like a small child in the fetal position.

"No, I need to sleep," he said, again in a barely audible whisper.

"Okay," I said as I walked back to the bed, laying down beside him, cradling his body. I gently rubbed his arm and could tell he was already on his way into a deep sleep. After a few minutes, I wrapped my arms around him and gently closed my eyes and joined him in a deep slumber, our bodies so close to one another, I could feel his heartbeat.

**************

I opened my eyes. The room was silent, but I felt wide awake. Why had I stirred so suddenly? My vision was blurry, but slowly coming into focus. My arm was draped over Julian's body, but the body in front of me somehow seemed much smaller. And there was hair. Lots of hair. Julian's hair was much longer than usual. It took a few more seconds, but I suddenly realized this wasn't Julian I was cradling. I slowly moved my hand down the arm, and it was soft, petite. This was a woman. I was frozen with fear as I tried to figure out where I was, who this was in front of me. It was at that moment I realized I wasn't me. I wasn't Perry. I was Julian. I glanced around the room and I recognized nothing about it. The walls were much darker than mine, and we weren't in a high rise as I could see faint movement outside the window. We were on a ground floor. The woman in front of me stirred and reached a small hand back to my hip, slowly rubbing it up and down in a very sexual way. The hand slowly found its way between us, exploring for parts unknown. At least parts unknown to me in this body.

"Good morning, baby," a soft, and, to my surprise, a somewhat familiar voice whispered. She pressed her body into mine as she continued the exploration with her hand. She turned a little, her dark glossy hair spilling over my arm as her deep blue eyes met me. Those eyes. Like two perfectly round sapphires...

I snapped shut my own eyes, trying to exit the dream/vision or whatever this was. After a moment of disorientation, I slowly opened my eyes and I was back in my room. I closed and opened them once more to make sure I wasn't confused, and I was absolutely back in my room, everything clear as could be. I quickly pulled away from Julian as if he were somehow toxic. My body revolted and my hands shook. I could see him stir, and he slowly rolled over and opened his eyes. I quickly stood up.

"Perry?" he said, a little disoriented by my reaction.

"Julian, who was she?" I choked impulsively. I knew what I had experienced was far too vivid to be a nightmare. Sleeping entwined with Julian I had inadvertently jumped into his mind, reliving one of his most intimate memories, and from the way everything was so perfectly clear it had to be recent. No more than a couple of days old.

"What? Who? What are you talking about?" he asked, genuinely confused.

"I saw you with her, Julian. In your bed. You know you can't lie to me." My voice was harsh, but my eyes were already beginning to water a little around the edges. Juilan opened his mouth to speak, and I could tell he was carefully choosing his next words. He closed his mouth again, then his eyes, and he exhaled a large defeated sigh.

"You're right. I can't. And I won't," he quietly admitted, and the words pierced my heart. I knew what he was going to say next before he ever had a chance to get the words out. "I was with Emily... but it's not what you think, Perry," he pleaded as he sat up and inched closer to me.

"What do I think... Julian?" I sneered, my tone mocking as I backed away from him. He could sense my trepidation, so he stopped where he was on the bed and reached out to me like I was a panicked cornered animal.

"Come back to bed. Please," he begged.

"I think I'll stay right here. Tell me what I got wrong, Julian. How am I wrong about you sleeping with Emily?" I asked. He closed his eyes again.

"I don't know what happened. It was like I wasn't in control of my own body. I couldn't control myself," he blurted. He looked genuinely sorry, but I didn't believe him. Protectors, especially ones of Julian's caliber, were very good liars.

"No, your dick was in control. And you let it. You disgust me," I said as the anger rose from within.

"Perry..."

"You told me you loved me. And I foolishly believed you. I'm so stupid," I said, now talking to myself more than to Julian. I felt the bile rise in my throat, pushed up by the growing anger inside my gut. I breathed deeper, clenching and unclenching my fists. Julian stood up and walked towards me, one hand outstretched. "Don't you move an inch closer to me," I yelled at him. Suddenly a glass vase on the desk next to me flew off and landed on the floor, shattering into a thousand pieces. Julian stopped and looked at me, his eyes large.

"Perry, let me explain-"

"You should probably leave my room right now before I do something you'll regret. For your own protection," I said to him, my disgust emphasizing the last word. Julian stared at me for a brief moment before he grabbed his shoes and quickly walked out of my room. As soon as the door closed, I slowly slid to the floor next to the bed, choking on the tears I had so bravely held back during our exchange. I hated Julian for doing this to me. I hated the way he healed my heart, and made me fall in love with him, only to betray me in the worst way possible. My shoulders shook as more fresh tears rolled down my cheeks, and I barely noticed as my hands fell to my sides, right into the pile of broken glass, but the cuts and scrapes on my fingers would pale in comparison to the gaping hole Julian tore in my heart.