Do not read this book, you'll die of laughter

Funny (& Gross) Story #80

Excerpt taken from Reddit by 17thGentleman, 2012, "Funniest Go-To story"

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This is kind of gross, but I call it the "Circle K" story.

The night before I drank probably 8-10 beers with friends and totally forgot that the next day my Mom wanted to me to take her out to a Día de los Muerto festival happening downtown. (I live in the Phoenix Metro Area) So I drive us out there, my girlfriend is along as well, and we walk around for a bit. We have some really good pulled pork sandwiches and some jamba juice (Yes I know you'd expect Mexican food but that's what we ate.)

Once we'd seen everything we wanted to see, we decided it was time to head home. On the way back to my car though, my stomach started bother me... You know that feeling you get when it's like: "Well I know Diarrhea is coming... but I think I can make it..." It didn't feel that bad, so I figured I'd make it home (only a 15 minute drive).

Well, 5 minutes into the drive, I realized that wasn't the case. Apparently the mix of beer, pulled pork, and juice had become some sort of ultra-pressurized shit bomb that was ready to explode any moment. I started freaking out, trying to drive safely as possible while also locating a bathroom. But the part of town I was driving through didn't have much of anything, just closed down shops and nowhere to really stop and use the restroom.

Then I saw it, a circle K corner-store on the horizon! I parked as fast as possible, legs shaking, and ran inside, ready to release the nuclear bomb that inhabited my bowels. I asked the clerk,

"May I use your restroom?" To which he replied, "No, employees only." At this point my mouth just sort of dropped open, I literally could not hold it any longer, "Please! This is an emergency!" I pleaded, but he just stared at me, smug in the fact that I would not receive the key to my Lower Intestinal salvation.

Pissed off and nigh unable to walk, I ran back out to my car, ready to drive down the street and hopefully find another place to shit... But my mom had gotten out and was looking at a freaking Red Box. I had no time, I had to go, and there was nothing else I could do about.

So I did what any sensible person would do, I sprinted back around behind the store, dropped my pants, and shit against the back wall the place. It was the most embarrassing yet relief inducing moments I have ever experienced. And as I began to wipe my ass with some random receipts I had left in my wallet, I looked up to notice a group of 8-10 day laborers that had been standing on the street corner watched me do the WHOLE THING. They were laughing hysterically, a few of them clapping and giving me thumbs up.

When I made it back to my car for a hasty get-away, my Mom had the gall to ask:

"Do you still need to go?"

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PS!!!! Can't believe it's been 4 years since I've updated... I'm back with a new story and I hope it made you laugh! Just too bored at work and decided to hop on ontoWattpad and I'm surprised to see this book still on the charts!