Do not read this book, you'll die of laughter

Funny Story #82

Excerpt taken from Reddit by Fizzyplums, 2012, "Funniest Go-To Story"

- M18!-

TLDR: friend was given the option to be shot in the face with a gun, or a penis by a ladyboy in Thailand

I love telling this story about a mate from footy. Is a little unnerving and also NSFW.

So he was in Thailand as a first time traveler, sitting at a bar downing drinks. As he scans the bar he notices one particularly cute local girl giving him a look up and down. He quickly flashes her a smile and gets one back. "wow" he thinks to himself "I might be onto something here".

He promptly orders two drinks and brings one over to her. They drink and chat for a few minutes before heading to the dance floor so that he could grind his semi erect penis against her through his jeans. After a while of dancing, she asks him if he wants to go back to her house for a few more drinks. "bloody oath" he replies thinking that he was about to get lucky with minimal effort on his part. Before they can even get in the door to her apartment they are locked in a passionate embrace.

She fumbles for the keys and after what seemed like an eternity to him, she gets the door open. From here they quickly move to the bedroom where he throws her down onto the bed and lowers himself over her. They continue to kiss, and without any discouragement from her he moves his hand down her stomach and into her pants. What he found in her pants he has described as the second biggest stomach dropping, head spinning experience of his short life. There in her pants he found a penis. He promptly removed his hand and sat up.

"woah that's a penis" his response.

"yes it is, do you like it" she asks.

"oh, no, sorry I like vaginas"

"but you don't want to try suck it"

"not really, I might just leave now"

She gets up off the bed, heads over to her purse and walks back over to him. She reaches into her purse and pulls out a gun, points it at him and says "no, I think you really want to suck MY penis though"

The first time we all heard this at football, our first question was what happened next, to which he replied, "well I'm still standing here aren't I"