Fragments Of A Broken Mind

XXXVII

I called out to them,

But they ignored me.

They saw my tears,

And decided to look the other way.

They heard my wails,

But always pretended they didn't.

They witnessed those nights,

The nights where

I tossed and turned in my sleep

Before just crying

So that I fell asleep.

They're supposed to be my life,

My safe place from the cruel world.

I'm supposed to feel at home with them.

My happiness should lie in them.

But why is it,

That every time I'm near them,

I wish I wasn't?

That every time they laugh together...

Whether it's at me

Or just some silly joke...

I feel like a feckin' stranger?

Like I don't belong?

Like I never belonged...

And over the years,

I realize I'm fine with that.

But I can't tell them that.

Cause to the world,

We're a big happy family

And they'd never let me destroy that.

So, I sit tight

And shut my mouth

And I smile.

I feckin' smile

Cause I can't do nothing else.

My hands are tied.

Now, the only thing I can do

Is kill my emotions too.