Meeting Daisy

sausage king of midtown manhattan

Month: Vida
Date: Winters'
Year: Day Off

A lot of people at school liked to spread rumors about my family. I heard he killed a guy or they'll rip out your teeth. Oh wait, they had done that nevermind. The point is that I've learned quite a lot from Dad & Billy throughout the years. For example, I first learned how to use a gun when I was only six. It was after Dad got out of jail. It kind of surprised me that I still liked to go ten years later. Seemed like it was the only time my family didn't annoy the shit out of me.

COCK! .... BANG! "Nice kid," Billy encouraged. I was in a booth with Dad & Billy behind me. Ted was in the booth next to us. Dad got me into shooting as a way of self-defense. "Daddy's job is a very dangerous sweetie. I don't want you getting hurt", he'd tell me. I would just nod & smile with a lollipop in my mouth.

I'd keep shooting towards the target on the board as Billy would check out Ted, or even start shooting himself. The shooting range was always empty whenever we went. Dad knew the owner & we'd go after hours. I started to get anxious from thinking about Scott, issues at school, struggles with upcoming recitals, etc. Dad noticed & got closer to me. "Honey, I bring you here for practice, not to let out anger." I ignored him as I kept shooting, aiming towards the crotch area, imagining it was a guy. Dad started to get worried. "Okay V. Let's take a break.", he suggested taking the gun out of my hand. I rolled my eyes, grabbing my water bottle. Shooting always helped me keep things off my mind in the healthy kind of way. The alternative was cutting myself in my bathroom.

Mom took me to a child psychologist for a little while when I was ten. It didn't help that I didn't talk. For a brief period, I stopped just so I didn't have to see that obese, middle-aged asshole. Neither her nor Dad had checked me in a while, so I started getting into it again. I moved spots on my body so it wasn't as obvious in the same place. I mainly had scars because I'd go through periods where it felt like I would live without doing that vicious task.

Dad was completely heart-broken, which is obviously normal. Once a month, the boys & I would go see a movie when I was in middle school. "Malcolm X!! Oh god, we HAVE to see this one guys", a young Ted demanded. Everyone seemed onboard about it except me of course. My twelve year old self kept standing outside the "Aladdin" poster. Dad glanced over, about to tell me that we're seeing "Malcolm X", but then he stopped himself. Of course he knew I didn't want to watch some wrestling film, but knowing me I never picked a movie. Just as we were walking to the ticket stand, Dad hesitated, "Wait.. Six tickets for Aladdin please." That was one of the last times I showed true emotion with him around. Everyone groaned.

The scene with "A Whole New World" was on the screen & I remember feeling like I wanted a boyfriend to take me away on a magic carpet. Ted, Duke, & Billy were sleeping as Dad & Cal were awake, having disgusted expressions on their faces. "You must REALLY care about this kid, huh?"Cal asked, feeling surprised. Dad felt quite hurt by that question. It made him feel like he was turning into Tom, which sickened him. Am I a good father? Does she think I don't care about her? Fuck... Why is she so fucking sad?

Dad then looked over, watching me have the biggest smile on his face. He smiled to himself. Nah, she'll be alright. We're all alright.

***

I wish the world wasn't so fake about life. As kids, we're told that over time life will get better & things will work out for us. They're always wrong. My 4th period debate teacher had the whole class do an assignment on things we need to change in our school or society. School seemed so much easier to me because they're a fucking lot of things that should've been changed. It also seemed nice to talk shit on school in school in an accepted aura. "Ms. Winters, you're up!", Mr. Stanley chanted. I had zoned-out before that & coming back to reality wasn't something I wanted right then. I got up slowly, playing with my big curls & my sleeves. I've always hated talking in front of people. It could be my very small group of friends & I'd be uneasy. I looked up, seeing Kim on one side of the room, giving me a thumbs up, & Scott on the other side, trying hard not to smile. "Well... We're waiting for you girl.", Mr. Stanley snapped. I took a deep breath, looking at my shoes. I looked up, putting my paper up to cover my mouth. "Okay so uh for my essay, I wrote about something in this school that's been going on since before any of us were born & it's becoming worse & worse...", I stuttered.