𝐓𝐰𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 who have been separated for some time reunite however, mindsets have changed, feelings have changed and all-around people have changed as a whole. What happens when the two realize it for themselves.
𝐂𝐨𝐩𝐲𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭...
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-'๑'-
Aaliyah sat in her bedroom writing out her feelings in her notebook that she newly bought, she needed this, she needed an outlet to spill all her emotions and thoughts she had been having and thinking for the past 2 years. She had many skeletons in her closet that no one knew about and it was time that she put the pen to work.
I feel lost since their passing, the feeling of loss has never left me. Quite honestly I've always felt lost one way or another. I didn't get to properly mourn their loss like I would have wanted to but damn my whole life I never felt good enough anyways. The constant feeling of having to be in a mental competition with your well-off older brother, normally in families the youngest has it easier but that had never been particularly the case for me. Perhaps if I was the youngest male sibling id have it differently, I was held to a different norm than my brother. My parents would always use the excuse "you don't want to end up like your brother do you" whenever they felt like I stepped out of line as if there was seriously something wrong with Armon. It was like they wanted us to hate each other sometimes.
We were completely different but yet the same person, he would act out cause he wished mom and dad would let him live a little while I tried hard to break my essence and attempt to be perfect for their attention. I can't ever make them seem like they were terrible parents but they surely did things that parents shouldn't do. I'm finally writing this out after many years of concealing or pretending like it never occurred or affected me. Shit when I was molested by a family member when I was 13 it changed me, it took away from certain parts of my innocence, the actuality that my young self tried telling my parents and they completely disregarded me ate me up. It made me fear the world, it made me realize that no matter how loud you scream for help no one will hear your cries.
That's why I'm so scared to have kids, cause you could turn around for a second and some evil sick, mentality deranged person could harm them, then again I don't want to have a kid just to be another statistic of a black woman who has to raise children on her own with no father. I don't want to have to deal with the idea of a man departing me or mistreating me. My parents were poisonous for each other however they were made for each other, no matter how many times they tried divorcing they ended up being back together. Somehow when you think about it, the fact that they died together is quite beautiful as well. I hated the world and some days I still do, as I grew up I learned to forgive those who did me wrong in any way, forgive those who didn't love me when I needed to be loved.
My traumatic situations made me into the woman I am today and I'll forever embrace her.
Aaliyah finished up writing in her journal as she sighed loudly looking at the ceiling trying to hold back her tears. She hated to sound ungrateful but she never understood why she could be in a room full of people she appreciated her but still feel so alone. She couldn't lie and say that she sometimes felt like going back into the depressive cycle that she was going through in the past. She knew that she was better than that person, better than the voice in her head telling her that she shouldn't be here currently.
