So Long, Not Goodnight

Chapter Thirty-Nine

The blackness of the night was harshly interrupted by the bright, painful lights of the ER. As soon as the ambulance screeched to a stop, the EMTs were unlatching the gurney from the floor and passing it down to the tarmac of the drive and through the sliding doors, Frank close behind. They pushed past the front desk and reception area, sickly faces all staring at their passing, wondering what the emergency was and if they could catch a glimpse of the victim. Frank wanted to scream at them for privacy and rip each of their eyes from his boyfriend. 

They all passed through a set of double doors and as they reached the second, a nurse grabbed Frank's elbow as the EMTs rushed Gerard through and leaving Frank behind as the doors slid closed. "I'm sorry, sir," her tone was clipped and professional. "I can't let you go further. You're going to have to wait in the lobby."

"Bbut..." Frank stuttered, watching the gurney grow smaller and smaller down the hallway through wiry glass windows. "I need to be with him... He... He needs me."

"The doctor will keep you informed from the waiting area, sir," her eyes were so distant, a skill needed for such a job. 

"Please," Frank pleaded. "Isn't there something you can do?"

"I'm sorry, sir," she offered a cold and clinical apology. "There isn't more anyone can do until he's seen by the attending doctor."

Frank sighed in defeat and followed down the path where she pointed, where he joined all the others there also waiting with bated breath. He found a seat away from the rest tucked in the corner and plopped himself down on the deflated plastic cushion. Memories of waiting to see Jamia tormenting him and mixing with all the other worries of Gerard. He felt absolutely sick with worry as he saw Helena's eyes in the body on the gurney. Was that just a hallucination? 

Before his mind began to wander, the waiting room doors burst open and Ray and Mikey entered, seeing Frank slumped in the seat all the way across the room. They made their way over, hand in hand, and Frank felt a sharp pain in his heart as he just wished he could be holding Gerard's soft hand in his own. "What's the update?" Ray asked, taking a seat beside Frank and Mikey sitting on his lap, hugging him tightly. 

"There isn't one," Frank shook his head and squeezed his hands together into a fist. "They rolled him back and said that I couldn't go with him and that I would have to wait to hear what the doctor says."

"How was he on the ride over?" Ray questioned. 

Translucent green eyes shot before him and then dissolved into thin air. "He wasn't seizing, just a tremor every few seconds or minute." Frank sniffed, staring at the cold tiles below his feet. "I guess that's something, right?"

"I'm so sorry, man," Ray patted Frank's knee in sympathy. "It'll all be alright. That's what I've been trying to tell Mikey the whole ride over here. No matter what, things'll be alright."

How Frank wished he could keep a positive head like Ray was, but he couldn't help the nagging thoughts in the back of his brain that were just the opposite. Despite them, Frank nodded in response, trying to repeat Ray's words in his head, willing them into existence. It proved incredibly difficult as a nurse came in a few minutes later and made their way to a group near the door, gesturing with their unheard words as their faces broke apart and sobbed reverberating around the room, sending a cold wave over Frank. Mikey squeezed Ray harder as Ray patted Frank's knee again and left his hand. There's little less frightening than waiting on news of a loved one in an ER waiting room. Every minute you're at a tug of war in your head of wanting them to tick by faster wanting to know and wishing they would be infinite with the comfort of naivety. 

After what felt simultaneously of seconds, hours, days had flown yet crawled by, the doors opened again and it's as if they all knew that their number was about to be called. Frank and Ray sat up straight and Mikey buried his face into Ray's shoulder. As the nurse made his way over towards them, Frank felt his back rub up against the cold plastic of the chair with each step he took. "You all are here for a..." The nurse read over the chart on the silvery metal clipboard he held. "Mr. Gerard Way?"