Catch Me If You Can

Chapter 13: Surrender To Me

It was already dark out when I finally got out of the library. I had to take a few moments to calm myself down and finally stop crying, cuz I was too scared and ashamed to tell anyone who may have noticed. I knew there was no turning back now and I was too weak to fight back anymore. He made me feel weak. 

I knew that he was sick. Narcissistic, annoying, terrifying, abusive, manipulative, aggressive. But I didn't know he was this dangerous. What would actually happen in that library if I didn't stop crying? How far would he go? And where would he go from that? His family still thinks he's this charismatic golden boy, who can't do wrong. Well, at least his mom thinks that, but I don't know about his dad. Maybe he got it from him, but I don't wanna reach too much.

I was slowly walking home, when I pulled out my phone from the pocket. I needed to talk to someone. I really had to finally stop with the lies. But I couldn't. I couldn't imagine the consequences, for me, nor for him. But why was I still so invested in him? He deserved to be punished for all the shit he did to me. Was it about my ego? Maybe I wanted to hurt him on my own. And in that moment, I decided to stick to my old plan.

The house was empty when I came home. I was kinda surprised, but I was glad that I finally have some time just for myself. I went up, took my clothes off and decided to took a bath. I let the water running and went to the kitchen, to get some food and wine. I put some music on and finally loosen up for a bit. Being alone made me realized how stressed and full of fear I am basically every day, ever since I came here. I mean, ever since I met him. I wanted to call Jules and Cassie to invite them over, but I also wanted to get drunk and I just knew I would've told them everything under the influence. 

This was also the first time I ever felt alone. From the first day, there was always someone around, someone who cared for me. But getting into this whole thing with Nate kinda isolated me in a way. He was my secret, my biggest fear, but also my guilty pleasure. I couldn't stop thinking about everything that went down in that motel. I wanted to be mad at him. He hurt me, over and over and he made me feel like I deserved it. But I was still expecting something more from him. Something not this painful.

I got my food and a bottle of wine and went upstairs. I put the plate on the small table right next to the bathtub, closed the door and started taking my clothes off. I took of my makeup, put my hair in a claw and noticed few new bruises on my neck from the incident in library. I also had a huge purple bruise on my hip and few on my legs. As I was looking at myself in the mirror, I started crying uncontrollably again. I allowed this. I put myself into this situation. If I was a little stronger, little nastier to him, he would leave me alone. I'm sure he would leave me alone.

But I had to rest now. I quickly pulled myself together and hopped into the tub. As I was slowly stepping in, I've heard some noises. It distracted me to the point that I accidentally burned my foot. 

"Fuck! That's too damn hot." I turned on the faucet again, allowing the cold water to cool down the tub little bit. I finally got in and closed my eyes for a moment. It was so peaceful and silent that I slowly started zooming out. I filled my glass with wine, gulped it in one take and closed my eyes. But as the water calmed down and the silence started to intensify, the noises became prevalent again. Someone was walking in the lobby downstairs and I started panicking a little. 

"Hello? Did you come back already?"

I shouted from the bathroom in hopes that maybe my parents just came back little sooner, but I got no answer. I tried to stay as calm as possible, but the combination of curiosity and fear made me feel restless, so I got out of the tub, ready to check it out. As I was reaching to the doorknob, the door opened and all of a sudden, Nate was standing in front of me.

"What the fuck are yo-"

He put his hand on my mouth, wrapped his other hand around my waist and pushed me back.

"Sssshh, don't scream, it's okay, it's okay."

He was standing there, holding me in his arms, while my wet, naked body was leaving water stains all over his clothes. He was staring into my eyes with frantic look as he was breathing into my face.

"We already had this talk. I'm not gonna hurt you, if you will cooperate with me. But if not, it will end up just like the last time, you remember?"

I nodded my head just to let him know that I get it, but in reality, I just really wanted him to let go of me. He finally put his hands away from me, took a step back and started scanning me from head to toe. He saw some parts of my body already, but I was never really naked in front of him. He looked me in the eyes one more time, before he closed the door without his stare leaving my body. He started rolling his tongue in his mouth, calculating his next move. I would like to say that I was cursing him out, making a scene or at least covering myself up. But you already know I wasn't able to do anything more than just stand there like a defenseless prey hoping for the beast to just go away eventually. But Nate was a real animal. And he wasn't really hiding it anymore.

"H- how-... how did you get there? How did you know I was alone?" I tried to form a sentence while holding back tears, but the fear was suffocating me.

He came closer and took my face in his hands. "You don't need to know. The only thing that matters is that we're together now. Alone. And we can make this up." He smiled, just like he always does when he's about to manipulate me into doing something for him. I grabbed the hand, took it off of my face and took a few more steps back. 

"You really think that when you're threatening me one second and then lying straight to my face with this sweet bullshit, I can't tell the difference? Why can't you just finally leave me alone? Is it really worth it, to chase someone like this? Do you enjoy it that much, huh, Jacobs?" I was angry but I couldn't stop myself from almost falling apart. 

"Yeah.. I enjoy that. I enjoy being around you. Chasing you, terrifying you. I love the way you make me feel. I can't get enough of you. And every time you get away, I got really, really angry at you, cuz you aren't easy. But the chase, the fight, the obsession.. just makes me wanna rip you apart and devour every... single.. piece.. of you." His voice was soft and calm. It was almost like he was high on something. But that something was me.

"So please.. don't make this harder for me.. and get into the tub."

I listened. For the first time, I didn't feel like fighting. I leaned back and watched him undress. The soft light really brought up his muscles and all the other things I never really noticed cuz I was doing everything that was in my power to avoid him. Even tho I failed every time. He finally got in, sit back on the other side of the tub and immediately pulled me closer to him. But he didn't do it roughly. For the first time, he was gentle with me. I made it to his chest and sat on his lap. He put his hands on my breasts and slowly started kissing my collar bones. 

"I know you will think I'm a monster. And I truly am. Cuz I really can't take this anymore."

As I started processing what he just said, he already lifted me up a slid into me. I hissed in pain, but I couldn't go back now. He looked at me one more time before he kissed me and I started riding. The way he felt inside of me was painfully rewarding and the sudden wave of guilt, pleasure and hate hit me like a tsunami. But I was his pleasure and he was my guilt.