Catch Me If You Can

Chapter 22: Put Me To Sleep

When I got back to his room, he was already laying down, searching for something on his laptop. I put the tea down and sat next to him, when I got a text message.

I know I probably shouldn't text you rn, but at least let me know if you're okay. 

"Who's texting you at this hour?"

"It's just.. Jules. She wanted to know what am I up to tomorrow."

"You two are like... best friends now or what? I thought you don't have many friends here."

"Why would you think that?! ... You know what, I really don't wanna fight tonight, don't answer that question."

"Good girl", he answered quietly while still looking at the screen. I handed him his cup of tea and watched him drink for a while, before I replied to McKay. 

So far so good. I hope I will survive the night. Thanks for looking out for me, I appreciate it a lot. <3

"Damn... why did you put so much sugar in it? You wanna kill me? Jesus Christ.."

He passed the cup to me before he started coughing and I could see that he actually chugged down half of it. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't know if you like it more on the sweet side or not. I will get you some water."

"No, it's okay, it's no big deal." He said as he grabbed me by my arm before I could stand up and walk to his bathroom. 

"What is it about me that you can't let me go? And yes, I know I already asked you something like that, but... Why are you doing all this? One day you're cold and manipulative and the next you're trying your best to make me like you. If you actually tried to get to know me more and listened to me, maybe you would find out that I really don't need much to start liking a guy." I said while staring in his eyes the whole time, but as his expression slowly started changing, I looked away.

"I never wanted to.. let you know. But yes, you attract me a lot. I like the idea of how dominant, protective and interested you could be. But so far, you've only showed me the worst, most toxic sides of you. And I can't fall in love with this version of you. I don't know how your other relationships went, but I'm not here to play games, fight all the time and then call it "complicated love" or some other bullshit. People aren't supposed to have relationships like that." 

"But you still choose to stay. As you said, I almost raped you and you still decided to spend the night with me. You know who I am. And how cruel and sick I can be. And you're still here, laying in my bed." 

He got closer and as we were both sitting with our legs crossed, he grabbed me by my ankles and pulled me towards him. At that point, we were facing each other and I could see that he's going to kiss me. I grabbed him by his neck and pushed him back, making him lay down.

"This is what I'm talking about. I just told you how I feel about you but the second I put my guard down in a slightest, you immediately find a way to use it against me. You don't wanna be loved. You don't wanna be in a relationship. You just like to hurt people. It's almost like go off from harassing me.  And that's why I will always despise you, cuz you can't even treat me like a real human being with feelings and free will." 

I was frantic. No matter how loud or quiet I was, how angry or gentle I was... How many conversations we had about this, he never really listened to me. He just wanted me to agree with him and gave my power away. I was so tired of his shit and we still had a whole night ahead of us. But then I realized I'm still siting on top of him. He didn't say a word after my monologue. Didn't try to fight me, choke me or push me away. He was completely still, with his hands relaxed on my thighs, smiling at me like the happiest man in the world.

"I'm pretty sure my parents heard all of it."

"Fuck you Nate. If you're trying to make me ashamed, then I have to tell you that it's not gonna work. They know who you are and I'm pretty sure they don't like how you turned out either." 

He grabbed me by my waist and rolled me over, making us switch positions. Now, I was the one laying there peacefully, but shockingly, I wasn't scared. I was still counting on that Xanax to knock him off soon and I tried my best to not provoke him any further. He leaned down to my face, making his lips almost touching my cheek.

"You make me fuckin mad, you know that? But ever since that bathtub experience, I kinda feel like you're doing it on purpose." 

"I'm not here to sleep with you. I only came so you will not think of hurting me or my friends as a punishment for not showing up and embarrass you in front of your parents." 

"I don't believe you."

"You don't have to. We're running in circles, all the time."

"But you told me you're attracted to me like.. fuckin 15 minutes ago."

"Yeah. But I can't pretend you turn me on while you're trying to scare the living shit out of me."

"Fine. I give up. What do you want me to do?" 

"Can't we just... watch a movie? We can compete in who's gonna have the best commentary, if you don't want me to be completely silent."

"Whatever you want. But please, at least change into pajamas."

I got up and grabbed an oversized t-shirt from my backpack. I stopped for a second, cuz I couldn't decide if I should change in the bathroom instead, but I knew he would probably throw another tantrum, so I stayed in the room and turned away from him. I tried to get out of my clothes as fast as possible, just to stop him from creating any terrible ideas in his head, but I wasn't apparently fast enough.

"I already saw you naked, you don't have to be so secretive now."

"Just because you already saw me naked doesn't mean I want you to look again."

"Yeah, whatever. I will find a way anyways."

For the next 2 hours, we've been watching bunch of movies and TV shows, making lots of never- ending small talks and trying to act like we're completely comfortable with each other. I was pretty surprised that he wasn't trying to touch me or force me into something, but I knew it was just another part of his strategy to gain my trust back (if there ever was any). After that, he finally fell asleep hard and I could breathe again. But not for long.