Two-faced

- her confrontation -

It's been like this for a week. I haven't spoken a word to Jacob or Sunwoo. Jia and Chanhee text and call still, but probably just because they feel bad.

But honestly, I didn't realize how happy I was having friends. I think I took advantage of all the times we laughed together. Because now that I don't have that, I miss it.

On a Sunday afternoon I make my way to the printing room to pick up my essay papers. The library is pretty busy at this time but the print room is empty.

I tap my foot as I wait for the seven pages to come out of the machine, when I hear rushed whispering just outside the door.

I walk over to the doorframe out of curiosity, but just as I do a familiar someone runs right into me- or is shoved into me.

Sunwoo swears and looks back at the running away Jacob.

"Sorry," Sunwoo mutters to me and begins walking away.

"Wait." I tap his arm and he stops immediately

He stares at me as he waits for me to say something.

It then hits me that I have nothing to say to him. I just said 'wait' because I haven't talked to a human being in a while.

"Er... nevermind. Sorry," I back away.

Sunwoo looks like he's about to leave but then says, "you know you don't have to sit in the courtyard alone everyday. Jia- er I mean... we all miss you."

I'm startled at his statement. But also relieved. "I-I would but. I don't wanna make it awkward."

Sunwoo scoffs, "it's already awkward. Nowadays Jia stares daggers at both me and Jacob. Though that new kid, Kevin sits with us. He um, he's nice,"

Sunwoo usually doesn't talk this much, but I feel like he's trying to cling onto the conversation since we haven't had one in days. It makes me smile a bit.

"Alright. I'll stop by tomorrow," I say.

"Sounds good." Sunwoo says.

"Yep." I say awkwardly. Then we stare at each other for an awkward two seconds before Sunwoo shuffles out of the room.

I can't help but smile a bit at our strange conversation. I missed him. Er- I mean... I missed that. 'That' being having conversations with my friends.

[ next day ]

I've never dreaded lunch to arrive more than I have today. As soon as the bell rings Kevin and Jacob leave together and Sunwoo waits for me while I stall by slowly packing my things up.

"Could you go any slower?" He asks.

"I could," I stick my tongue out at him.

Sunwoo rolls his eyes but watches me carefully and adds, "You don't have to talk to him. You know, Jacob I mean. I don't know if you're mad at him or not, but you can just talk to Chanhee or Jia... or me."

I gulp and say, "I don't- I don't know if I'm mad at him. I don't think I am. Honestly I-I just want to know why he said what he did."

"Why don't you ask him?" Sunwoo says to me as we walk down the hallway.

"because I'm scared."

"Of what? What could Jacob possibly do. You would beat him in a fight to be honest- even though you're like 5 feet tall," Sunwoo sticks his arm out to prove that his wingspan hangs well above my head.

"It's not that!" I swat his arm away. "I'm afraid of what he'll say. What if he says something about me that I don't want to hear?"

I expect Sunwoo to add on and insult me, but instead he says, "There's nothing bad he could possibly say about you. Um, I mean like. Jacob would never say anything bad about anyone,"

"right. You're right," I sigh. "I'm really just avoiding it."

"Better do it sooner than later or else you'll never be able to move on," Sunwoo shrugs.

"Ugh you're right,"

"Of course I'm right."

When we approach the bleachers together, Jia and Chanhee make a spot in between them. Jacob makes eye contact with me and swallows, while Kevin who sits next to him waves enthusiastically.

"Hi!" Kevin grins. "I thought we'd never see each other again!"

Everyone looks from Kevin to me in shock.

"Yeah same, I thought it would be at least a year," I laugh.

"You two know each other?" Sunwoo asks.

"Yeah- well no. We don't even know each other's names, but we've met before." Kevin explains. "I'm Kevin, by the way."

"Cha Daeun," I tell him.

Everyone continues their own conversations, as Kevin seems to tell funny stories. But I can't help but glance at Jacob every now and then. It almost seems like his angelic glow faded a little bit.

He catches me looking at him and takes a breath before nodding his head slightly, motioning for us to step away for a second.

We walk down the bleachers in silence and towards a quieter part of campus.

"I owe you an apology," Jacob says.

"Hm?" I ask.

"I'm sorry for phrasing my words like I did... it was confusing, and I feel like it might have caused more pain than if I had been straight forward," Jacob adds.

I swallow. He's right. But what do I even say to that?

"You don't have to apologize for what you're feeling. But yeah, I mean if you really didn't feel the same way about me I would prefer to know then to just... keep hoping." I say.

There's a long moment of silence.

Jacob twirls the drawstring on his jacket and says, "I-it's not that simple for me. I really wish I could tell you that I don't like you and we could be done with it. but, I-I want to be truthful."

"Then be truthful!" I can't help but raise my voice at his vagueness. "I don't understand what's so impossible for you to tell me! If you feel the same way then say so, and if not then just spit it out."

"I-" Jacob looks at me with eyes that say he's lying when he says, "I don't like you."

a part of me feels crushed. But I just want to accept his words, whether he's lying or not, he said them out loud so it's what he wants me to believe. So I will.

"Okay," My voice wavers and Jacob looks on the brink of tears.

"I'm so sorry," He looks at the floor.

"Look I don't know what's going on or why you said you like me but couldn't be with me before... but if this is how it's meant to be, then I think we should just move on." I can't look him in the eyes.

"Can we still be friends?" Jacob asks.

"Of course," I force a smile.

You might never see two people smiling with such sadness behind them, and for each their own reasons.

[ jacob pov ]

Lucky enough, I was able to get a transfer dorm so that Kevin and I could room together. he feels like a best friend to me already. I don't know why, but we click so well, as if our personalities were made for each other. It's like, whatever I'm lacking kevin has, and whatever Kevin lacks I have.

"Why didn't you tell her you only rejected her for Sunwoo's sake?" Kevin asks me as we sit on the floor contemplating my situation.

"I don't know it just felt... it felt wrong." I say. "For one, Sunwoo would murder me. And also, when or if they do get together, I don't want it to be because I forced them to. I want them to grow together naturally."

"Damn, you really are selfless." Kevin grins at me, but then his smile fades. "But you have to think of yourself sometimes you know?"

"... Yeah," I say.

Kevin perks up again, "But don't worry, now that I'm here, I'll make sure you do."