Sage
Morning had come and so had the time to confront my mother. I had longed to talk to her for so long and had pondered on what I would say to her if I ever had the chance again. Now that she was alive, the things I wanted to say to her were a whole lot different. I emerged from my tent, draped in flowers, flowing garments and angst. What would I say to her? What would she say to me? I couldn't sleep following the night of her arrival, so instead, I tossed and turned until I eventually got up, dressed myself in attire to meet my mother, attire of a queen - and waited for the rising sun to lick at the side of my tent. As soon as the orange hues started mixing with yellow, I emerged - ready to take her on.
When she wasn't there, I walked over to my throne, or was it her throne now? And took a seat, impatiently waiting. I wondered if she was nervous too, or if she was excited to see me... or was she angry? Anxious?
I waited impatiently as time went on - me sitting alone, and her in her tent. I was tapping my foot on the earth beneath me and biting my nails, contemplating barging into her tent, just as she emerged. I stared at her as my chest moved up and down to keep up with my rapid breathing. She stood grounded in her place for a few moments before her chest rose and fell, and walked toward me.
Within moments, she was standing in front of me - eye to eye. Her eyes matched mine in color and shape. We looked similar in a lot of ways actually. Our hair - hers, reminded me of my own untamed mess before it was washed and decorated - looked eerily similar. Our ears, our chins. I was getting caught up in our similarities when her voice broke the silence. "Let's go for a walk." That was all she had said. That was the voice I remembered but hadn't heard in years. The voice that I replayed over and over in my head whenever I was feeling lonely or sad or in need of my mother.
We walked in silence until we reached the forest. I couldn't bear it anymore. My questions outweighed my caution. "Why did you leave me?" I blurted.
Her face paled, taken aback by my sudden flirtation with the unspoken and forbidden topic. Us.
She didn't speak. Instead she just furrowed her brows and then relaxed them again. Followed by a twitch of her mouth, before she erupted in laughter.
Now it was my turn to pull a face. "Why... are you laughing?" I managed. My voice sounded small and childlike. God, was this what she was going to do to me, revert me back into a child?
"This isn't a funny topic." She settled her laughter, "It's just that I never thought I would be having this conversation with you." She tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. My heart warmed at her touch.
"Neither did I..." I smoothed over the same piece of hair when her hand fell, hoping to still feel her fingertips lingering. I looked at the ground, not really knowing what to follow that with.
She began walking again, so I followed her stride. "I never liked being a mother. I wasn't good at it and I didn't enjoy it."
Her confession tore through my gut like a freshly sharpened war tool. Any warmth in my chest was now drained. I felt tears stinging my eyes, but I couldn't let them out. I needed to know more, and I had a feeling that if she sensed weakness, she would run, so I held them back and cleared my throat instead. "What didn't you like about it?"
"What didn't I like...?" She trailed off, a laugh threatening to escape again. She looked at me for a long moment, sympathy pricking at her eyes, and possibly her heart; but I didn't want to get that hopeful. She sighed, "Well, for starters, you tore apart my nipples whenever I would try to nurse you. I nearly threw you to the wolves many times. If your father hadn't been there... well... you may have not been here." She smiled at the memory, as though it was somehow fond to her. Her confession both confused me and cut through my gut again, getting those tears a little bit closer to falling.
"Is that why you left me?" I managed.
Her crystal blue eyes narrowed as her brows knitted together. "No, child. That's not why I left you."
"Then why?" I urged. I needed to know once and for all.
"Life wasn't what I thought it would be when I left this place. We were poor and hungry, we always wanted for food. I didn't get the respect that I got here, when I lived with you and your father. His people," she paused, "Your people... they treated women like the filth of the earth. We ran away together because we were in love and they treated commitment like it was nothing. Everyone had at least two wives, some had more." She sighed. "Besides that... you never stopped crying and I couldn't help but believe it was my fault. Your father assured me that it wasn't, but I couldn't shake the feeling. I felt a pull bringing me back here but I was too scared to return, so instead... I went somewhere else, and had been there until now. But, as I have now realized, I needed to come back here. Now it is time for me to return and resume my place as queen, and time for you to go back home."
Back home? Back to Bear? The thought terrified me. No. I wouldn't do it. "No." I said simply. It came out much more confident than I felt.
"No?" She repeated, her voice was a concoction of amusement and disbelief.
"No. I won't go back. This is my home now. I am their queen."
"I don't think so young lady. I was born to rule. You were simply a temporary replacement while I was away. But now I'm back and you need to leave."
I folded my arms across my chest. "You weren't simply 'away', you abandoned the throne and I picked up the pieces and led them through battle, successfully I might add. You should be thanking me and asking me for the privilege to rule underneath me." I got slightly worried after the last sentence came out - Like a kid about to get into trouble.
Now she was really in disbelief. She made a mixture of noises that were indecipherable, before storming off in the opposite direction. A giant butterfly caused a stir in the air by flapping its enormous wings. She tried to swat it away, but it gracefully dodged the hit. She turned around and threw vicious words at me instead, "You should feel lucky that I left you with your father! If I was the one looking after you and you behaved this way, I would have ended you before you even had the chance to defy me. Watch your back, witch." And with that she was off, disappearing in a cloud of raging black smoke - similar to the one that I had myself been surrounded in, not so many moons earlier.
