Bodel
It had been two days and two nights since I had exposed myself to Bear and set the way for a lifetime of embarrassment that was no one's fault but my own. I stood once again, washing the dirt-ridden clothing of my father and staring longingly after Bear, who this time, at least turned slightly to meet my eyes. Slight acknowledgment at least was something right? My stomach churned with anticipation. Look at me. Hold my gaze. Marry me.
And he did. One-hundred and eight-two days later. Not because he wanted to and not by any amount of convincing on my behalf, but by an exchange of our fathers. Well, my father pretended that our fathers had an arrangement when Bear didn't bend to the will of my seduction. And I had felt unworthy of Bear's love and affection ever since. I fussed at the food tent, preparing dinner with the other women as Bear rushed in and kissed me on the cheek. "I will be back. I'm going to fish with the boys." - One of his many excuses to get away from me. By boys he was referring to our twin sons. They were now two and a half years old and rearing to get into anything they could get their hands on. I saw him enter our tent briefly before disappearing in the direction of the lake with the boys - something they had done many times before. He often went into our tent alone; he went in there to write. I had watched him many times.
Suddenly tiny hands wrapped around my legs, pulling at my skirt. "Mumma?" A little brown haired boy called from below me.
"Daskin, why are you here instead of catching fish with your father and your brother?"
"I'm hungry." He whined.
I patted down his perfectly floppy hair, which looked just like his fathers. "Go and play. Supper will be ready soon."
"Okay." He drew out the last few syllables before running off.
A short time later I heard screaming, accompanied by desperate splashes. Two sounds that would be ingrained in my memory for a lifetime to come. I spun around so fast that my ankles buckled beneath me. I picked myself up, scrambling to run to the lake as fast as I could. The ground worked against me every step of the way, trying to make me stumble. I fought back, picking myself up until I made it to the water's edge. The blood was drained when I saw Bear's face, he was silent holding a limp, tiny body in his arms - Daskin. His brown hair was matted around his forehead, pieces damply stuck next to his muddy eyes. Darias, his twin brother was holding onto his fathers arm, "What's wrong father? Why is Daskin sleeping? Or "Wake up Daskin!"" That's when Bear began to sob. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to hit Bear for letting this happen, but nothing came out. I was frozen into place, while my brain processed everything that was happening. My body took way too long to catch up to my grief, but when it did, I heard a shriek that terrified me and everyone in the village, and echo through the mountains. Darias turned on me, "Mumma?" That's when I lost it. I lost it because I knew my baby was gone. Though he was physically there, the light from his eyes was gone. I snatched him from Bear and fell to the ground, placing my head on his chest, hoping to hear breathing, but there was nothing but the sound of gentle sobbing from those around him. I tried to breathe life back into his mouth and he only turned blue and my efforts were in vain. His once pink lips were burning on white and his once browning skin was now ashen and veiny.
It was only moments earlier that he had been pulling on me, asking me to play with him, and now that chance was gone. Forever.
