Summer of '93 [PERCIVER]

16 - CONFESSION

Alone in his hotel room with the door locked and windows closed, he allowed himself to express his anguish. His fingers moved to weave themselves in his hair. He walked blindly to his desk chair and sat on it, his elbows burying themselves into the hard wood surface. His forehead was buried into his palms and he let out a loud groan of complete and utmost frustration at himself.

How could he have been so clearly mistaken? Percy disliked being wrong, he was someone who was always correct – except for when he wasn't, of course. So often he had commended himself on being so correct all the time, for always hitting for the targets he aimed at. But now, oh but now... his own arrogance had led to his downfall, had led to making mistakes that could have easily been prevented. He had wasted the past two days on an outcome that didn't need to happen. What an idiot he had been!

Oliver's expression was one Percy hadn't expected to see. It had taken him aback to see him that way. Percy had known that he was able to drain all of the energy Oliver possessed, but he didn't realise that he was able to supply him with it as well. The way he had smiled was so incredibly hopeful, so very optimistic.

Percy had been the one to brighten his entire expression. Percy possessed some form of control over that. Now that he thought about it, he had the ability to do that all summer long, not just today. Oliver's smile lit up his eyes whenever they were together, he had thought of it as something he did with every smile. But had he done that in the past? From his years of observation, he confirmed that while it did seem in character, it didn't happen with just anyone. Percy wasn't just anyone – he was able to provoke what most couldn't. Oliver had never made excuses to leave when they were together, he had even walked him to his hotel room before.

How could he be so insecure that he didn't see the glaringly obvious signs?

But... he hadn't always smiled like that. Not at him, anyway. When had things changed between them? He knew this change was somewhere, he just couldn't pinpoint where. He groaned; his head cloudy. Why didn't he know? The memories clumped themselves together and passed by in pictures, leaving him with feelings of warmth and confusion. Why had their dynamic changed? When did it all change? Something about Percy caused Oliver to smile as if he was the small beam of light in complete darkness.

He wasn't a mind reader, nor was he an empath. He definitely should not have presumed. Miscommunications always ended in disaster; he should have known. Percy was by no means a stupid person, so why, why did he make such stupid decisions all of the time?

Perhaps he didn't know Oliver as well as he thought he did. He knew his moods and his specific passions within Quidditch, but he didn't know him. Didn't know his parents' names, didn't know his favourite colour, favourite subject, what toothpaste he liked best. There were so many things he didn't know, yet, he had dismissed that notion. Because Percy Weasley knew Oliver Wood better than last year's Transfiguration textbook. He was able to discern him easier than he could discern the shapes of the clouds in the unusually blue sky above.

He was suddenly reminded that despite his knowledge being vast, it was not infinite.

He was fucking idiot, of course he was. Besides, why had he been so willing to throw everything they had away anyway? Simply for a mere guess? They had euphoric times together, nights that made him swoon internally and days that brought a spring to his step. Why wouldn't he sacrifice anything for the happiness it had been so difficult to obtain? The happiness he couldn't find anywhere else, with anyone else?

Oliver twisted his mind in perhaps the sweetest of ways. Caused him to forget his previous trail of thought, caused him to lose all focus he once had. Oliver brought out the human in him, brought out something as natural as the physical human being itself. Something so beautiful and raw – yet painful at the same time. Percy couldn't bear to even think of it.