Daisy

6

"Felix it's not your long life love, why couldn't you forget him?!" Jisung yelled at me. I was standing there looking at the ground. I was fighting with myself not to break but I let my tear drop. He came closer to me held my hand in his
"Im sorry, but i don't understand why don't you want to get surgery? You just met hyunjin maybe three months? You can't do that to yourself Felix" he said this time softly 

"You don't understand" I told him

"Then make me understand, I'm here for you I'll listen" he softly said and sat on the bed, i sat and hugged him,

"You know, w-when I was just a child my parents would fight all the time and when I was seven years old my mom left us with other man, my father wasn't sad he was rather happy. He got married with another women. She would beat me when my father wasn't in house to look for me. I thought when he will find that his wife is beating me, i-i thought he will get divorce with her but he did opposite, he too started beating me whenever he is drunk. They didn't cared about me since I born. They never kissed me or called me pet names, they never gave me any affection a love I needed in my life. I was used to this pain until I came here in korea. My grandma gave me what I needed in my life and later I found out I'm unwanted child taht they never wanted, that night i wasn't sad, but I felt more useless than what I was feeling. My grandma is sick she will leave me soon and there will be no one. Im used to it and to be honest I don't want to live, not because of hyunjin but just i don't want to live Because of my past, i even t-tried taking my life but I was useless in that"

This time when I completed I saw tears falling from jsiung eyes, "don't ever call yourself useless, you are not! What your parents did was their fault and I'm sorry how they treated you, you deserve so much"

"I tried when I met you but I.. i-i can't anymore I can't think"

"Please, lix, live for us, your friends, you told me one day you remember? You never thought about having friends and now you got, we are a family!! You said it we are a family, then why are you doing this to your loved ones?"

I don't have any words to say, I want to stay and live with them but I can't live without hyunjin. Even if I get surgery, I will definitely fall in love with him once again just like I did. It will repeat.

"I want to, but there's no other way sungie"

"There is, You can do surgery"

"I know ..But.. I don't want to let go of my feelings that I have for him"

And then we heard the phone ringing, we saw whose phone it is and saw Minho hyung and Chan hyung at the door. How didn't we notice them

"Was everything you said is right?" Chan Hyung asked we stayed silent

He came close "fuck tell me lix!!" He yelled at me angrily, I cried again

"N-no" I said in my cries

"Then why are you both crying, don't lie and tell the truth" minho hyung said in a soft voice

Jisung hugged him and cried again "lix-ie has a h-hanah-ki d-disease" he told them in hiccups

They both remain silent and I can't look at them but I can tell they both are sad and worried "h-he don't want t-to get s-surgery, please lino hyung tell lixie t-to get surgery" he said to minho hyung, still crying

I don't want to give them pain, because of me, I don't want to make them worry for me, i don't deserve them

"He will sungie, we don't want to lose him" minho hyung said

"Is it hyunjin?" Chan hyung asked

I nodded and he wiped my tears and hold my face to look at him

"Don't worry ok? We are all here for you"

"I'm sorry hyung, I don't want to lose any of you but I have to, I'm useless my whole life is useless, it won't get any better. Please I want to take this beautiful feeling that I felt for once, please" I said feeling guilty "I love him"