Daisy

7

We are in the hallway on our way to the playground to watch a soccer match. Chan Hyung, minho hyung, hyunjin and changbin hyung are playing soccer. We are cheering for them.

We directly headed towards the players room where we are meeting before the game and giving them a good luck cuz it's a big match

My heart drops in once when I saw hyunjins girlfriend is with him. Yes! They are dating for like a week now. My sad look wasn't hiding from all who knew about me loving him.

Minho hyung patted my head and I smile. Sometimes we just smiled to hide sadness...

Hyunjin waved at me and I waved back, smiling a fake one. He seems to understand it and I saw his face saddened. I'm not spending any time with him, he was too busy hanging out with his girlfriend. He already forgets about me, and I'm here searching for a little hope that he could love me back.  He is still looking at me but I ignored it and then the coach whistles signaling the game is starting.

"Seo changbin! If you don't win this game, I will..."

"You will kiss me!" Changbin hyung yelled and all laughed at them and seungmin blushed "duffer" and hide behind jisung

They are always like this and we all know changbin loves him but seungmin always denies him... Then why it didn't happen with changbin hyung? Isn't his love is one-sided? Maybe Seungmin loves him too, he is oblivious sometimes

'like mate stop procrastinating' sorry it's uninvited.. haha

The game started and we all are cheering for them, but one person is too loud, his girlfriend who is cheering for him.  They won. After they ended we all gathered and she ran towards us and gave towel and water bottle to hyunjin and helped him. I smiled he has someone who cares for him, who loved him just like me, who will be there for him when I wont. But hyunjins mind is somewhere else...

He told me to wait for him while all were gone

I waited for him and he came after changing his jersey and shorts

"Let's hangout somewhere, like we use to" he said

I want to spend my time with him but, his girlfriend will be there from nowhere and I don't want that to happen with me right in front of him.
I'm not going to tell him what I'm suffering from, I will tell him one day when I felt its right.

"I have to help my grandma" I said, his brows furrowed in confusion

"You changed Felix, what's wrong with you? You are ignoring me, did I do something wrong?"

I felt very guilty. it's not his fault that he don't have feelings for me.

"No, It's not like that"

"Please, let's hangout. We aren't spending any time together. I know it's my fault, I'm with Aeri but I want to make it to you. Let's go please"

His eyes I can't deny. He is too precious to me "ok-"

"Baby, you forgot we have a date today" his girlfriend said running towards us like i said out of nowhere

He looked at my eyes full of guilt and sorry. I smiled and told him 'it's okay'

Just then I felt that, I ran towards the restroom and did the same what I always did. It's happening to me more these past days

I Headed to my house and rain started pouring, and I couldn't mind getting wet. I'm always like this waiting in the rain so no one can see me cry. Crying for growing pain in the heart. Crying for those beautiful petals covered in blood. Crying for myself how unlucky I am, I want to spend my last time with whom I loved and that even I couldn't get. How worthless I am. I am an unwanted child, my mother left us, my father always got his anger on me, my stepmother slaps me, the only love that I felt, wasnt loving me back! I'm gonna die one day and left all sorrows behind me. I'm just worthless shit happen in the whole world

I have a thousand reasons to die and many millions of tears to cry. Rain is pouring heavily and I Reached my house feeling sick and tired of pain that is in my heart.