The Love Letters (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 17

"... Harry?"

I immediately let go of Louis' hand. "Uhm, hi, Lucas."

He stares at Louis. "Wow. This is awkward. I didn't know that you... oh my god, I feel so dumb."

Louis doesn't say anything. He just looks at Lucas, confused, and also kind of suspicious.

"Lucas, no, no! Don't worry, there isn't anything going on between Louis and me."

"Uhm..."

"Should I- should I leave?", Louis asks. I can't imagine what he's thinking- or feeling right now. The look in his eyes is dark and... cold.

"No, you don't have to", Lucas says and tries to smile.

"Yes, please leave", I ask. Louis nods. "Alright. Bye, Harold. Bye, Lucas." He turns around and leaves.

And of course, now I feel bad for him.

For five minutes, Lucas and I don't speak at all. Then, he asks: "So your name is Harold?"

"No, it isn't. Louis just calls me that because... I don't really know why. He just started doing it, I guess, and now it's a habit of his."

Lucas nods. I look at the hallway. Oh my god, I feel so bad. Louis literally went the whole way to the right backdoor with me, he even held hands with me because I was scared, and now I sent him away. I'm such an ungrateful idiot. Fuck.

"That means there's no relationship between you and Louis? I mean, he isn't your boyfriend?"

"No, no, no, of course not. He's not my type at all. We're friends, of course, actually quite good friends, but nothing more. God, no."

Lucas chuckles. "You don't seem to like him."

"What? No, I do like him! I like him very much, he's amazing. But I don't have any romantic feelings towards him."

"Alright. If you say so."

What does that mean? I clench my teeth, then I try to smile. "So... why didn't you text me? I mean, you have my phone number, and it would have made the whole situation easier."

"Well, I could've done this, but I've seen how you sometimes carried letters with you, that's why I thought it would be cute if I wrote you a letter. I guess I was wrong." He laughs nervously. I nod. "Yeah... maybe a little."

Suddenly, the bell rings. Wait, what? Is the little break already over?

"Fuck, I have to go, sorry", I say. Lucas smiles, but the smile seems forced. "Don't worry. Maybe another time."

"Yeah. Maybe."

I arrive too late to PE class because of W's letter, and I get a punishment. I hate the professor. She's mean and old and not sporty at all. I wonder why she decided to teach PE. She's probably dumb.

Later, during the lunch break, I meet Louis again. We bump into each other, and he apologises immediately. Then he looks up and sees my face.

Fuck. I still feel bad. I shouldn't have sent him away.

"Hi, Lou."

"Hi, Harry." He smiles at me, but the smile isn't truly genuine, it doesn't reach his eyes. For a few minutes, we just look at each other, nor daring to say anything. Then, I ask: "Are you mad at me?"

"I'm not. Why would I be mad?"

"Because of my behaviour. I was very ungrateful and... dumb. I'm sorry."

"Oh. Don't worry. I understand."

"Tha- wait, what, really?"

"Yeah. You obviously like that Lucas guy. It would be weird if I hadn't left."

"Oh- no, I don't like Lucas-"

"Yes, you do. I'm sure."

"No, I honestly don't! I admire him, but it's not like I have a crush on him or something."

"Mhm. Obviously."

"I swear!"

"Harry, if you had the choice, who would you hold hands with: Lucas or me?"

I don't reply. Not because I feel bad or something, but simply because I don't know the answer.

"See. I knew it." Louis smiles, again. "But, yeah, that Lucas guy really is hot. I am not into blondes, but I'd fuck him."

"I know, right! I prefer brunette, too."

Then I realised what he said.

"Wait- what?!"

"Hm?" Louis looks at me, curiously.

"D-did you just come out to me?"

"Oh." He blushes. "I... guess. But please don't tell anyone. Only my closest friends know about it... I have some issues at home, you know."

"Ehm- alright, yeah... Do you mind answering me one question: since when do you know it?"

"Uhm, a year and a half, two years or something."

Two years.

Two years!

Two years?!

Louis was queer all the time. And I just thought- oh my fucking god.

I'm such an idiot.