The Love Letters (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 34

He is right.

Louis is right. I am superficial. I never noticed it, though. I thought it was only my type. But he's right. The last times I felt butterflies, I was always with him. Why did I choose to ignore them? Why am I that stupid?

As I lay in my bed, I grab my pillow, bury my face into it and start to cry. I always do the wrong decisions. I scare people who are important to me away. And I've got a feeling that Louis won't come back that easily to me this time. He's changed. I saw it when he called me out earlier. I saw how he broke. I saw it in his eyes. I think he's going to be less naive, less kind, now. I don't know what to do. I want him back. I know, that's selfish, very selfish, but according to him, I am selfish so it's okay.

I want to call him. But I know I can't. I grab my phone, open his contact and stare at it. Lou. Should I change it to Louis? He doesn't want me to call him Lou, anymore. He looks so adorable in the picture. He is wearing my jumper and is laughing. He literally looks like the sun.

No. I can't change the name to Louis. This is too personal.

I stand up and go to the drawer with all the letters of him. I search the first one he ever wrote to me. As I find it, I fold it open and scan it. He said so many beautiful things to me. He said I was glowing since my outing. He complimented every of my facial features. He must have spent a lot of time looking at me.

But so did I with him. I did so when I had a crush on him, but also later, when we became friends. I know his beautiful face by heart.

Honestly, all of this is so fucked up. I used to like him, then I stopped, then he started, and we didn't talk for years (partly because we barely knew each other). Then we became friends, then we got into a fight, we became friends again and now, he confessed that he has feelings for me. I understand why he confessed, but it ruined our friendship. It's not his fault, obviously, it's me, not him, but couldn't he have picked another time? Maybe in a few months when I would realise that he was still the person I had feelings for? Honestly, this is a horrible way to find out that you like someone. It shouldn't have been like that.

A tear lands on the paper of the letter. I immediately wipe it away, but that smudges the ink of the paper. Fuck! I put the letter back into the drawer, not wanting to destroy it more. My hands are shaking, so are the sobs that leave my mouth. I jump on my bed and try not to overthink everything. Then I grab my phone and call Zayn.

"What's up, bro?"

"Zayn...?"

"Harry?", the tone of his voice changes immediately. "Are you crying?"

"C-can you come o- over,... please?"

"Of course, I'll be there immediately." He hangs up. I sigh. I'm so lucky that my best friend is my neighbour.

Three minutes later, the doorbell rings. I stay in my bed. Only a few seconds later, the door  to my room opens.

"Harry?"

I don't reply. I stare at the wall. Zayn sits down next to me. He puts his arms around my shoulders and sits me up. Then he hugs me. He puts my head on his shoulder and rubs his hand down my back. "Hey, Harry... what happened?"

I sniffle. "Well... my date with W didn't turn out really well."

"Uhm, I noticed", he jokes. I laugh dryly, then I start to cry again.

"Aw, no, Harry, please don't cry..."

I look into his big brown eyes. "W is Louis."

Zayn just looks at me. He nods. Then it hits me.

"You knew."

"Yeah..."

"You fucking knew. And you didn't tell me."

"Everyone knew, Harry. Everyone but you."

"Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Because it was none of my business. It still isn't."

"If you were a good best friend you would have told me. But you didn't." Right after I say the words, I regret them. "Fuck, I didn't mean that, I'm sorry-"

"'s alright", Zayn says, "but the thing is, it wasn't my job. Louis wrote the letters, he had to tell you about it."

"How did you find out, though?"

"Well, I know that I was smoking and he wanted a drag of it and he didn't like it because he's a little baby, and yes, I know that he's older than me, anyway we started to talk about you and I noticed how in love he seemed which honestly was pretty cute and I slightly asked him 'Do you like Harry' and he said yes so I asked him if he was that secret admirer and he answered yes to that question, too. I guess he told Niall and Oli because they're his best mates and I told Liam and Roman and Nick so... yeah everyone but you knew."

"Fuck."

Zayn smiles. "Do you want to tell me what happened exactly?"

And that's what I do. I tell him everything, from the beginning to the end, the whole story, everything Louis and I have been through, every little moment, every single butterfly. He listens carefully, I can see it on the expression of his face. He takes in every piece of information, being the perfect best friend he is. When I finish, he takes a moment to look at me, then he hugs me.

"What... what do you think?", I ask.

"Honestly?", he swallows, then he pulls away from he. "I think you're an idiot."

"Wow, thanks", I say. He laughs. "No, but Harry, he's literally the whole jackpot, and you let him slip away."

"I know that you like short people, but that's just you."

"Oh my god, shut up, Harry. No, but just listen to yourself. You still aren't over him after, what did you say, two years? You literally told me the reason you didn't want to go on your first date with Lucas was because you didn't have any butterflies, and now, you're telling me that your whole body never stands still when you're with Louis? You tell me that his touch leaves a tingle on your skin? You both kiss all the time? Harry, you are fucking dumb."

"We don't kiss. Only, you know, cheek kisses. Just like you and I do."

"Don't compare me to Louis. Go marry him, Harry."

I look down at my hands. They're wet from my tears. "I really am an idiot."

"I'm aware of that. Get your man back, Harry. He always came back to you, but I don't think that he will this time. You literally only rejected him because of his height."

"That's not true, Zayn, I've-"

"Oh, shut up. I love you, Harry, and if Louis ever hurt you, which he would never do, he would not survive the night. But in my opinion, even though he was a little too harsh with you, this is your fault. Louis is the victim in this story, not you."

I know. I messed up our relationship. "What should I do, Zayn?"

"Rest a little. It's six p.m. now, you should stay here for the weekend and sleep. I can always come over."

"Thank you, but I meant about Louis."

"Oh. Well, try to get along with him again. I know that he's important to you. You both have to decide what happens, then."

I nod "Alright..."

"Wait. Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"You like him, right?"

"I... I think so."

"Do you want to date him?"

We couldn't be in a open relationship because of his dad. But... "Yes...?"

"Then you need to give everything to win his heart again."