The Love Letters (Larry Stylinson)

Chapter 27

The last one and half month was shit.

Louis didn't speak to me. Even though I wrote every single day a letter to W, he only replied one time per week, and he always sounded cold-hearted.

And I've got flashbacks. And nightmares. A lot of nightmares of what happened on that Saturday night at Zayn's.

And no one was there to comfort me. Because Louis hated me for some reason, and Louis was the only person who went with me through all of this. I only had my mum in weak moments, and she wasn't always there. She couldn't always hold me and help me. Louis could and Louis wasn't there.

Two positive things happened. One of them was  that my Gonorrhoea is fully gone now, and that I don't have to take antibiotics anymore. It also doesn't seem that I have any other disease. But I still have to go to the doctor for a few months.

The other thing is, that with Lucas, everything's great. We go to a lot of dates, and we started holding hands sometimes. There still aren't any butterflies, and I kind of miss them. But whatever. Maybe it's normal that way.

The thing is, I can't really enjoy the dates with Lucas, knowing that I lost Louis and W. Is Lucas really worth losing two people? I mean, the reason W doesn't want to write with me anymore is Lucas, and I still think that Louis likes Lucas. Or maybe he once had an affair with him and feels embarrassed, now that I'm dating him? Wait, apparently Louis didn't know Lucas before, right? Because every time I used to talk about him, Louis was confused, until the day I showed him who Lucas is. I don't know, but since I started dating Lucas, Louis isn't the same anymore, so I guess that Lucas and my relationship is involved.

I finally figured out that Lucas is androsexual. This means that he's sexuality attracted by men or males, or masculinity, and it doesn't matter what gender the person he feels attracted to is born with.

Today, on a Wednesday, he surprised me with chocolate marshmallows, which is very cute, but I'm allergic to marshmallows. It was so awkward explaining that to him. I still feel bad for him. I took the marshmallows anyway and I'm probably going to give them to my mother or something.

I miss Louis.

I realise it in art class, while writing a letter to W. I ask for permission to go to the loo, and then I run out of the classroom, because I don't want to cry in front of them. We became friends way too fast, that's why I miss him that much right now.

I close the toilet lid and settle down on it, then I grab my phone to text him.

You: hi Louis

He replies immediately.

Lou: what do you want

I sigh. I still don't understand why he's changed that much. I feel like everyone knows it but me.

You: i miss you

Louis doesn't reply until four minutes later. I see him typing and typing, probably deleting the text and starting again and again.

Lou: ok

Is he serious?! What an idiot.

You: wow thanks

Lou: what do you want me to say

You: i don't know but don't write ok then just don't reply at all haha

And that's what he does. He doesn't reply anymore. Fuck you, Louis. I know, I did something bad, but I don't know what and I don't deserve this.

I put my phone away and start crying. I don't understand this. No one gives me an explanation. The tears stream down my face, and I try to wipe them away with toilet paper, but the paper dissolves. Wonderful.

I lean my head on the door of the cabinet. The texture is raw and cold; it actually feels good on my forehead. Then I think of all the bacteria on the door and decide to wash my face. I open the door, wash my hands and put some water on my face. I feel a little better, now, but still not good.

I look into the mirror. My hair is a mess, I look pale and my eyes look dead. I try to fix my hair a little, but it only gets worse. The curls are practically gone. I want them back. Everyone loved my curls.

I turn around and leave the bathroom. I don't want to see this anymore. I want to be alone, and I want to get an explanation. I need to understand the whole situation. It's literally the only thing I wish for.

I think I'm going to confront Louis as soon as possible. If he won't tell me what's wrong by himself, I have to do something. I need him as a friend, because he's always there for me. He's one of the people I trust the most, even thought we are good friends now for little time.

I return to art class. I was gone for ten minutes now  they probably miss me.