But I Can't Lose Her

it's not until you lose everything - 55

that you can truly appreciate everything - belle

I grab my bag and walk out of the class. I say hi to a few people on the way out, but after I get off school property, I'm done with my social interaction for the day. The wind blows through the trees and through my hair, leaving chills down my body.

I walk home quickly, trying to ignore all the thoughts in my head. I quickly run up the stairs and throw my bag down, laying on the bed. I close my eyes, and when I open them, everything still seems dark.

I sigh before walking downstairs, going into the kitchen and grabbing some food. Everything that people said today is still running through my head, but for my mental sake, I'm ignoring it all. I can't worry about her.

"Harper? Cole?" I perk up and lean over the island to see past the wall, finding my mom start to walk over to me.

"Why're you home so early?" I ask, and she stops short, putting her bags on the island, watching me with wide eyes.

"Didn't you hear?" she questions and I squint at her.

"Hear what?"

"Ms. Manni got into an accident this morning," she says, repeating what I already know.

"Oh, yeah. That." I avoid her eyes, turning around and grabbing a cup from the cabinet.

"What? You already knew and you really asked why I'm here?" she exasperates, and I roll my eyes.

"I just didn't know how big of a deal it is, I guess," I state. That's a complete and utter lie. I heard about it all. How her car was flipped. The other one went off the road. It didn't even look like a person could've survived the wreck apparently. But I've yet to hear how she's doing yet.

Although I am worried for her. I love her. She was like a second mom to me. I have to get over it. It's over now, she's not in my life anymore. I'll wish Michael good luck and be on my way.

"Honey, she's in a coma." I whip around, spilling some of my water before placing it on the counter and looking at my mom in shock.

"A coma?" I repeat and she nods solemnly. "What do you mean a coma?" I question and she sighs.

"A coma-coma. Now, I've already texted Wes and apparently most of the town knows," she continues and I shake my head.

"No, like- like is it..."

"Honey, what do you think a coma is?" my mom asks, cutting me off, but I continue.

"But, is she alive still? What's going on?" I ramble on, our words overlapping and I can't stop with the questions.

"Harper!" mom yells and I'm struck back into the moment, staring at her. "She's alive for now. It's an induced coma, and mom-mom Manni said that she should wake up." My breath is relieved and I feel my heart pumping again. "But..." my mom trails off and I watch her carefully, waiting for her to continue. "I've seen this before. Families sue doctors because they induced a coma and it didn't work. It's terrible and rare, but it happens, mostly after car accidents," she claims, and I swallow before nodding.

"All right. Well, it's Ms. Manni. She won't die. She can't," I state simply and she gives me a look, reminding me that I can't know that for sure.

"Yes. But, just in case something does go wrong, we need to be there," she says and I look up to her in shock.

"What? We? Why we?" I ask and she looks at me like I'm insane.

"Because you're her daughter's best friend," she reminds me, and a pang goes through my heart at the constant reminder of what I used to have.

"Used to be," I correct, crossing my arms.

"Harper Trinity Locklift. She is your best friend," mom restates and I roll my eyes.

"Oh, yeah. I guess it's normal for best friends to lie and sleep with your brother," I say, shaking my head.

"Harper, you seriously cannot sit here right now and say those things about a girl you care so much about!" my mom screeches and I scoff, letting her wear me down.

"If she meant so much to me, why didn't I mean as much to her? Huh? Why did she choose to hurt me?" I cry out and mom sighs.

"Harper, she has been your best friend since Kindergarten. Now I'll be damned if you aren't there for her. I don't care about her and Cole, I don't care about the lying. The girl deserves love. Not just from you. Don't you want that for her?" she questions, looking me hard in the eyes.

"Of course I do. But why him?" I think about all of the times we talked about our futures together. About how boys would never get in the way, and we would always be by each others sides. We always have stuck to that.

"Because she can't help it. If she wants him, then you need to remember all the times she's been an amazing friend to you and march forward with that. Kyleigh has been there for you through the thick and thin and Harper Locklift if you choose to not be there for her in a moment as tragic as this, then you aren't the person I raised you to be, and you certainly aren't the friend she used to know."

I sit there for a moment, waiting for more to come. But that's it. The storms over, the volume goes down and she walks away to her bedroom, leaving me alone again.

I think about everything she said.

Yes, she probably would need someone right now. She's probably pacing around everywhere, not even thinking right now, like she always does when she's nervous. Or she's waiting, just waiting for the moment that they announce her mothers death. Because knowing Kyleigh, she won't believe she's going to be okay until she sees it with her own two eyes.

But wouldn't that be him now? He's supposed to be the one to comfort her, and make her feel better. He is her boyfriend.

The thought makes me shiver, but also makes me sigh. It's hard for me to keep reminding myself I'm upset at them. I hate them for what they did to me. But I don't hate them.

No matter how hard I've tried, I watch out for her everywhere. I wait for her to show up at pre-calc, making sure she's still going to school. I look over her shoulder every once in a while to see what she's doing, hoping she's not losing too much help.

I listen to his voice when he calls her at night, just to say goodnight and wish her sweet dreams. I listen to the excitement he gets in his voice and the laughs he has. I see him when he's with her, and he seems like a completely different person.

But why did they lie. I wouldn't have liked it either way, but did they really think they could keep it a secret? I always knew they were different from me and Michael, but I thought they just had a closer connection for some reason. To me, Michael was strictly her older brother. But to her, Cole was someone she wanted to care for. Wanted to love. And I don't understand why.

But is it really so bad? Maybe it's not so crazy for her to see past all of the problems and all of the issues just to get something she's been looking for her whole life. But, it is crazy. Because it's Kyleigh. She overthinks every detail of something when it involves other people, and she thinks about every single factor.

So why did she choose to stop thinking about this one thing?