Monster (A Bucky Barnes fanfiction)

Bucky Barnes

"Buck, you can't beat yourself up over this. It's not your fault she got stabbed," Steve says, walking into the waiting room.

"It is my fault. It's my fault she's here," I reply, looking at the floor.

"She got assigned to to keep an eye on you knowing she could get hurt. She would slap you silly if she heard you saying that."

"But I could've lost her and she wouldn't be in the hospital right now," I'm struggling to keep my emotions in check.

"Buck, you know you don't have to hide anything from me. I can read you like a book. Trained assassin or not, you're still my best friend and I can tell when you're hiding something."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do, I can see the way you look at her and how torn up you are about this. It's okay to admit your feelings, Bucky."

"I don't want to because Hydra will use her against me."

"Not if you stay with us. We'll keep both of you safe, I promise."

"I'm going to go see her now," I change the subject and stand up.

"Bucky, I'm serious. Don't be afraid to admit your feelings. It's okay," he calls to my back.

I walk into Kat's room to see her sitting up, watching television. "When did you wake up?" I ask, sitting in the chair beside her bed.

"Like an hour ago. I had to piss like a racehorse," she responds, making me laugh.

"Like a racehorse? What does that even mean?"

"I'm not really sure. Bucky?" she questions suddenly and I'm afraid she's going to ask about my feelings.

"You know it's not your fault I'm in here, right? You didn't have any control over the situation. And I'm fine now. Just a little stab wound. No big deal," Kat says, sitting up. I can see her trying to hide the pain she's in.

"I feel responsible, though. I could've kept you safe like you were keeping me safe," I look away from her eyes.

"I could've been more careful. There's a lot we could've done. You can't change the past. I'm going to be fine. I have stitches, I'm bedridden until further notice, and it'll all work out," she grabs my face in her hands. "I don't blame you at all. And I don't want you blaming yourself."

Without thinking, I lean forward and kiss her. I pull away before she can and stand up. "I... I... I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. If you want me to leave, I can," I whisper as I turn my back to her.

"Bucky wait," she calls out.

I don't turn around as I sprint away. I hear her calling after me but I don't stop. I can't face her. I know she'll be mad at me for trying anything with her.

•••••••••••

I've been successfully avoiding Kat for a few days since she got out of the hospital ward. Today, she catches me coming out of my room and I can't get away.

"Why are you avoiding me? What happened?" she demands, blocking my escape.

"I shouldn't have kissed you, I'm sorry," I apologize and look at the carpet in the hallway.

"Bucky look at me."

I look up and she grabs my face in her hands. "I'm sorry. You didn't want that," I look in her eyes.

"How do you know?" she asks and kisses me.

"I didn't think you felt the same," I mumble against her lips.

"I was trying to stay uninvolved because I was ordered to watch and protect you, not get involved with you. I say to hell with that now," she replies and wraps her arms around me.

I connect our lips and pull her in close. Kat closes the door behind us and pushes me to the bed. She pushes me down and pulls my shirt over my head.

"Kat stop," I pant. "We can't do this now."

"You just made it pretty clear what..."

I interrupt her before she can finish, "I do want this, just not yet. We can't go that fast. I'm 96, remember?"

She smiles and touches my face. "I'm gonna go now. Save myself from any more embarrassment."

"Don't be embarrassed, okay? We both took it a little too far."

"Yeah, that probably wasn't a good idea. Forgot I had stitches for a minute there," Kat responds, pointing to her stomach.

I laugh and kiss her one more time before she leaves. I sit down on my bed and think about our current relationship.

What just happened? Did she just tell me she feels the same? Of course she did. But how could she? I'm a monster. Does she even know half of what I've done? If she doesn't, will she still feel the same?

I lie down and decide to sleep on it. Maybe I'll figure it all out in the morning. Go into thinking about it clear-headed and well-rested.

First thing I hear when I wake up is alarms blaring. I jump out of bed and run out into the hallway, surprised when I see that it's empty. I look around everywhere before the speakers crackle to life.

"Don't worry, we had a little situation in the kitchen. It's all taken care of. Carry on with whatever you were doing, sorry for the interruption," Fury's voice echoes through the empty hallway.

I'm already up, so I head to the training area and find Steve hitting a punching bag. I clear my throat and he looks up at me.

"You're up early, having trouble sleeping?" I ask.

"I've had enough sleep to tide me over for a little while. What about you?"

"I was sleeping, but the fire alarms woke me up," I answer, wrapping my hands with tape.

Steve unwraps his hands, says goodbye, then leaves me by myself. I start hitting the bag and lose track of time. After replacing the bag a few times, I decide to take a break. I unwrap the tape and head back to my room.

Suddenly, two arms wrap around my waist and I turn to see Kat. "Hey, were you working out that whole time?" she asks, looking up at me.

"I guess so. What time is it?" I yawn.

"Not late enough for you to be yawning," she laughs.

"I've been up since the fire alarms went off," I defend myself.

"Are there any punching bags left?"

"Yes, of course there are. I wasn't in there that long."

"5 a.m. to 3 p.m.? I'd say that's a long time."

"I guess I had a lot on my mind."

"You guess? Bucky, that's not healthy."

"Super soldier, remember?"

"You may be a super soldier, but it's still not healthy to punch a bag for 15 hours. You need to go to bed."

"But I'm hungry," I whine.

"Then go eat then go to bed! I'm coming with you because you need to get sleep. And I'm going to make sure than you don't sneak out," she starts pushing me toward the cafeteria.

I make myself a sandwich and drink some water. I inhale the food then walk with Kat back to my room.

I lie down on my bed, fully clothed, the exhaustion setting in. Kat sits on the couch with a magazine. I close my eyes and slip into unconsciousness, hearing Kat's laugh.

A/N
I'm so sorry for the late update!! I was trying to write a little everyday, but I had writer's block and I wanted to make this chapter longer than usual. These past few days have been extremely busy and stressful, but there's only 5 days until Age of Ultron comes out in the U.S.!!! (NO SPOILERS PLEASE)

Thank you for the comments, votes, and reads! I appreciate it so much! You all are the best!!!