Monster (A Bucky Barnes fanfiction)

Bucky Barnes

"Even though you worked on a computer for Insight, wouldn't that still count as field work?" I ask Kat as we're walking into the base.

"Nope, I mean it probably could be if I was actually working on the helicarriers, but I was just synching up the computers and stuff," she explains.

"So was there anybody actually on the helicarriers? I was on them and I'm still confused about that."

"Yeah, they were still fully functional helicarriers, they just targeted threats."

"So a lot of people died that day," I make my assumption aloud.

"Yeah, but they were the enemy. The price of freedom was high," she quotes the Captain.

"But there were S.H.I.E.L.D. agents on the helicarriers, too. Right?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right. They didn't know Hydra was taking over."

"I killed so many agents..," I trail off.

"So did Clint," Kat replies, after grabbing my hand in hers.

"What?"

"Clint was brainwashed by Loki, Thor's brother, two years ago. He came aboard the helicarrier and hated everyone, like he forgot us," she answers.

"That's how I felt. Angry and hateful."

"You were brainwashed. Clint and Natasha know what that's like if you ever need to talk to someone. They might not be accepting of you at first, but I can help that," she tells me.

"I wouldn't be accepting of me either."

"Bucky, stop being so hard on yourself. We've all killed. I think you need to talk to someone. I understand you're feeling guilty, but you're feeling guilty about something you had no control over."

"I did have control. I could've fought that. I could've saved so many people's lives."

"But not your own. Bucky, they would've killed you if you did that and you know it."

"But the people with families would still be here."

"We're your family now and you're here. Yes, you could've fought it, but you didn't know you could. You didn't want to rebel and get yourself killed. It's human nature."

"Exactly. I didn't want to and if I had, I could've saved so many lives."

"But not really. Hydra would've had one of their other hitmen kill who they wanted dead. You could've rebelled and you could've saved lives, but for a short period of time. If Hydra wanted them dead, they were going to die. Not your fault."

"Agent Oswald, report outside to meet Coulson's team," I hear Fury say in her earpiece.

"I'm going to get them settled, I'll see you later," Kat kisses my cheek and quickly walks away.

I head to the gym and put up a punching bag. After replacing three bags, I decide to lift weights. Steve comes in and lifts with me, the sounds of clinking weights the only noise in the gym.

"How long have you been in here?" Steve finally speaks up.

"Since Coulson's team got here," I reply, continuing with my set.

"I think you should be done. You're gonna hurt yourself. I get the fast healing but this isn't healthy."

"You sound just like my girlfriend... I... I mean Kat," I stutter, feeling my face heating up.

"Well she's a smart girl. I'd listen to her," he ignores my blunder.

"You're both probably right. She'd probably be yelling at me right now. I'm going to avoid that conversation, so I think I'm done for the day," I finish the set and out the bar back.