more than this | mark lee

17 - she's amazing

"So do you like your new home?" Jieun said as she placed Finn on the ground. She watched as he roamed around his new home.

"it's just you and me now" Jieun pressed a smile. She unpack the toys which she had brought and place them on the table.

It didn't take any longer before Finn proceeds to bawl and cry as he brushed his body against Jieun's leg.

"I know you miss your friend, but he's busy with his other friends okay?" She said and bent down to caress his head.

"and I don't think we're gonna see each other any time sooner..." She trailed off the last part.

The apartment felt empty, even though it was fully furnished.

Seolla had moved out just a few days ago and now it's just her and Finn. She had the whole place to herself. She should be happy, right?

She should be feeling over the moon, knowing that her annoying best friend is no longer around and she no longer had to listen to her and her boyfriend making out.

She should be out here throwing a party inviting tons of people and getting wasted with every chance she had.

She should be jumping around having the fact that she doesn't have to do her laundry anymore.

But she wasn't. Instead, she felt lonely, sad and mad. All in that order.

Jieun let out a deep sigh as she laid down on her bed, head looking up at the ceiling.

Her outfits that took her hours to put together were wasted. Her make up that she made sure wasn't too cakey, wasted. The effort she took to walk his apartment, wasted.

She felt dejected, disappointed, blaming everything on herself.

Maybe if she made the call earlier, she would have been in his apartment right now, unpacking her things, settling down in his now not vacant room.

Maybe if she walked a few steps faster, she would have been playing and teaching Finn some new tricks with him.

And maybe if she was smarter, like her. She would be called amazing too.

Only and only if she had made the right move she wouldn't be here all alone now.

Jieun laid there thoughts and doubts filled her head. Her brain was fuzzy and she felt weak.

She wanted to cry. She felt her eyes getting wet, as tears were surging up, overflowing and making their way down her cheeks.

Her cheeks were heated in a shade of red. Not the type of red where you'd get from butterflies or simple compliments, but it's the type where you're so tired and exhausted just from anything and everything.

Her throat was tight. Feeling the hot tension wrapped around her neck. It was difficult to breathe. But she gave in anyway bawling her eyes out. Feeling her heart sank a thousand times lower if that's even possible.

This was the first time she had such a breakdown. The first time she cried her heart out. The first time she had cried over a boy.

She wanted to be alone yet she felt lonely.

Funny.

-

The past few days had been quiet.

Jieun would distract herself by indulging in her work and assignments. She'd isolate herself and avoid seeing anyone at all costs. All her social media was on pause. She stopped uploading pictures nor even any stories. It was as if she was off the grid.