Introspection

Rosalie (He looked at me)

   I woke up, the TV was shining so bright. But it let me know that I was awake. I sat up and grabbed my phone to check the time. It was 10:10pm. As weird as it sounds, that always happens to me, angel numbers I mean. Almost anytime I check the time It's there. It doesn't bother me, It's quite comforting. I didn't really feel tired so I decided to get up and listen to music. I walked over to my desk where my record player was, and I grabbed the album Rumors by Fleetwood Mac. I put the record down in the player and pressed play. As the music began to play, I couldn't control my body, I had to move around. I started jumping around and dancing as the song Second Hand News got louder in my head than it did on the speaker. It felt so loud that I couldn't even hear my breathing. I felt alive, I felt in control. I felt happy. So I couldn't stop dancing, it just got more jumpy and fun. I even started singing. In that moment, I didn't care who was watching me, or hearing me, I was happy. But I did feel someone's eyes glaring upon me. It didn't matter to me though, I was happy, I was living. 

   The next morning, I didn't feel like changing my outfit, so I kept what I had on. I heard Jasper brushing his teeth in the bathroom so I walked out of my room and approached him in the bathroom. "What?" He said to me very muffled because his mouth was filled with foamy toothpaste. "This is our bathroom. Sorry, I forgot that you don't like to share." He looked at me with the dumb face he always give me, and rolled his eyes. After that lovely good morning I went back to my room, grabbed a pair of socks and put my best pair of converse on. I then went downstairs and without saying goodbye to anyone, I went straight outside. I didn't want to be in that house anymore. I stood right in the middle of the yard and looked at the clouds. Looking at them, I imagined that, that was what heaven was like. In my heaven, we got to ride clouds all day long. When I go, I'm gonna find John Lennon and George Harrison, and were gonna sing a couple albums together. That's part of why I memorized all the albums. So I can one day fulfill my dream. I didn't notice then, but Jasper was standing right next to me. He was looking at our new neighbor. "He's staring at you." I didn't really pay attention to his words, but then I realized what he said. I looked at Jasper and then I looked straight ahead. That's when I saw him. He looked just like how every other cool and hip teenager looked these days, I could see it on his face that he cares a lot about what others think about him. I bet that he didn't even want to move here. But why is he looking at me? He broke his stare with mine and got into his car. He sat in there for a little while but then he started the car and drove away.

   Jasper and I waited for the bus. Once it finally came, I sat in the front, like I always do. Jasper went to the back, where all of his friends are at. When I finally settled in, I pulled out a book and began reading. A couple minutes later, we stopped at a red light. For some reason, my brain told me to look out the window, so I did. There he was, looking at me. Why was he looking at me. Maybe I had it confused. Once I told myself that he was looking at someone else and not me, I slowly looked away. My mind was trying to tell me to look back to see if he was still looking, but I fought the urge and kept reading my book instead. The light then went green, I knew that because I could feel the bus start to move. But then as I was reading, I started to go into my own little world.

   I can feel the wind all over my body. I'm in a dress, why was I in a dress? I feel the water surrounding me, in the lake. Walter Wirth. My favorite one. The water felt surprisingly warm, I felt comfortable. I felt here, present. I could feel every breath enter and leave my body. I was the one breathing. I was living, I was happy. But I didn't know what I was doing here. Why was I here? I moved my hands softly with the water and felt how calming the water was. I felt connected with the lake. I felt-

   The bus hit a bump, launching everyone out of there seats. I couldn't remember where my mind drifted to, but it must have been a good place because there was a smile on my face. The bus pulled into school, made a stop, and we all got out. I turned to see Jasper and his friends running into the building as fast as they could, like they were allergic to the outside. I just sat at a bench right next to the main building. Then I saw him walk past me. He was walking with Sarah, Brianna, Mariah and Lisa. It felt like Sarah was latched onto him. He was looking at her, and that's when I finally knew that he was definitely looking at someone else and not at me. It was nice to have just a bit of hope for a couple seconds. But once again, I was right. No one like that ever looks at someone like me. 

   I'm always the first person in homeroom, and I always sit in the back. So I sat in the seat I always sit in, and began reading. I heard the bell ring and the class got flooded with the rest of the class. I felt the gaze of someone's eyes on me. I looked up and there he was, he was looking at me. No smile, no emotion, he was just analyzing me. Why? I couldn't understand why he was looking at me. He made the room feel warmer than it was. He made the room light up. But then Sarah noticed him looking at me and whispered something into his ear. I could only imagine what she told him. "Don't look at her, she's a freak." That's probably what she told him, now he's definitely never going to look at me again, especially if he knows that It's going to hurt his chances of popularity. For a moment, I thought that he might be different from everyone else, but he's just the same. 

   As the teacher was taking attendance, I heard his name. "Liam?" Liam, Liam, Liam. I wont forget it. His name definitely suites him, It's kind of lovely, it makes the room even warmer than he's already made it. Why am I so concerned about him. Maybe it was because he was looking at me, but he only looked because he didn't know about me yet. Not really me, I mean the rumors about me. (Rosalie had sex with a homeless man and now she has five different STDs. Rosalie is always depressed, I think It's because she killed her Dad. Rosalie's a freak, she put someone in the hospital last year just for fun.) Rumors, Just the fun of the school, if I didn't have so many, it would probably bother me, but It's funny when people talk about me. Even if it makes the world seem a bit lonelier, it still makes me laugh a bit. When my name was called he looked at me again. His stare was so strong that I forgot to say- "Rosalie? Is there something more important going on in your head right now?" Sarah looked right at me "She just has a crush Liam, typical Rosalie." Everyone started laughing, and once that happened, he looked away. "Here." Once I said it, everyone was still staring, make it stop. Things were better when the attention wasn't on me. But then the bell rung, and everyone went back to there normal lives. I walked out of the class and walked to my locker. He was right next to me. His locker was next to mine. I wonder if he realizes he's next to me.