smother. [h.s.]

3. wintergreen

Valse Sentimentale, Op. 51, No.6 - Tchaikovsky

Everything is soft. Smooth like butter. Lilac and clean sheets. A bitter wind hits my legs.

If I don't make any movements, I don't exist. I can stay in my half-asleep coma for a couple more minutes. The only things separating me and the outside world are my closed eyes. One blink awake and the perfection will be over. I wish they'd stay shut forever. I wish every day could be filled with this nothingness. No stress, no problems, no nothing. This is what I want most. Each morning, I get a little taste of what I'm missing out on.

My fingers bend a couple of times to see if I'm alive. My eyes slowly open, squinting from the harsh white light coming from my open window. I groan quietly, looking at the absolute mess I made on the way back from the club last night. Puddles of melted snow pool on the wood flooring from my boots and the window left open all night allowed snow to accumulate on my windowsill.

Shivering intensely, I get up and shut the window. I clutch my head in my hands, standing by my bed for a moment to let the throbbing subside.

Fuck, what did I do last night? And come to think of it, how did I get back here?

I shake my head slowly in confusion and rummage around my bedding to find my phone. Once I grab it, I facetime Sasha like I always do after our nights out. The ring tone beeps for a few moments until her puffy morning eyes appear on my screen.

"Morning," I mumble as I grab a towel to mop up the mess.

"Hi." She yawns. "Get back home in one piece?"

"I always do," I reply as I sit down on the floor. "But I don't really remember how. Or when. It's been a while since I've blacked out that bad."

Sasha frowns a little, her bottom lip sticking out when she does so.

"Oh, I thought you were doing okay."

I grab my phone and walk into my bathroom. I place it down by the sink, continuing our call as I wash the old makeup off of my face.

"No, I'm fine," I say firmly, spreading the facewash onto my cheeks. "I was just having a little fun. My mom is gonna kill me when she sees me though." 

Looking down at my legs, I bite my bottom lip in stress and examine the pale blue bruises forming. I definitely got them on the walk back, my inebriated state always making my journey home alone dangerous.

"I told you to stop walking around like that at night. You're gonna get kidnapped or fucking trafficked or something. How am I supposed to have a fun weekend if that happens?" I can hear her huffing as she shuffles around her pastel pink sheets, her fair skin still looking amazing after a night out.

"Sorry if my being trafficked ruins your weekend, Sash." I laugh lightly, finishing my skincare routine.

"I'm not joking. Ivan can totally drive you."

"Ivan is fucked up every time I see him."

"And, he's a great driver on drugs. Follows the speed limit in a scarily accurate way. Right on the dot." She smiles stupidly. 

"Uh-huh." I nod and smile in amusement. 

"I forgot to ask, where'd you even go off to? I didn't see you after we got separated. It's unfortunate you left actually, Alice and I had the most insane—"

My mind tunes out her long-winded story as I try to remember where I was and who I was with last night. My eyebrows furrow as nothing comes back to me.