smother. [h.s.]

19. come one, come all

Chaise Longue -  Wet Leg

4 WEEKS UNTIL THE BALLET

NEXT MONDAY MORNING

"Negative again!" the school nurse says with a thin smile. 

Her greying bangs drape over her forehead, where her tired eyes peer up at me. She brushes them out of her face and hands me a sticker of a bandaged heart with the words "You Did It!" above it. 

"Thanks, Pam. See you Saturday," I say back at her genuinely. 

The smile on my face grows as I turn around, rushing out of the infirmary doors. I passed without any help. 

Yes— the pee was all mine this time. 

I clutch my old copy of Romeo and Juliet in my hands as I turn the corner of the hall. I've been reading it over to prepare for my role. It's been nice to get into reading again. Sometimes I can go months without picking up a book, and then I'll spend a few days trying to devour everything in my to-be-read list. I usually end up just giving up, though. 

After what happened this weekend, I needed some quiet. I spent most of yesterday writing in my diary and catching up on assignments. As for my diary, I've seriously fallen behind on my log of events. It's taken forever just to write out exactly what I want to say and what I remember onto paper. 

I stopped writing once I got to last Saturday night. I didn't really know where to begin. 

Turning around the corner of the hall, I head out of the building and make my way to the ballet studio. The campus is empty this early in the morning, apart from the lacrosse players stretching on the outskirts of the athletic fields, and the cross country runners that pass me occasionally, making quick laps around the main quad. A couple of their heads turn to look at me as I pass, making me cross my arms over my ballet cover-up and wrap skirt.

We're starting choreography rehearsal today, meaning we'll be paired off. I'll be dancing with Ivan alone for the first time. 

Anxiety slowly begins to flow through my body with each breath. I've been jumpy these past few weeks, more than usual. I rub my arms from the cold and trudge on, hoping to shake off my nerves. 

I push through the studio doors with a loud thud. The piano music playing suddenly comes to a stop, and the dancers turn their heads at me abruptly. 

"She's late every day," Jake complains under his breath as I set my things down. 

I pretend not to hear him. While they stretch, I quickly slip on my ballet shoes and then join them. 

"Ivan with Shalom, Sasha with Jake, please." Miss Karenina waves her hands in the air for us to separate. Ivan and Sasha reluctantly take a step apart. 

"Let's begin with act 1, scene 5, where our Romeo and Juliet first meet," Karenina says between turns of her notebook pages, "at the Capulet masquerade ball."

My eyes flicker up to Ivan beside me. He stares straight ahead with his shoulders back and his hands elegantly clasped behind him. I fix my posture to stand like him. 

"The most important part of this scene is love at first sight. How can we express through our bodies that Romeo has fallen for her Juliet?" Her eyebrows raise a little and she takes a step toward Ivan. 

We all stay silent, waiting for one of us to bravely answer. 

"Hm?" She taps her pencil against the paper loudly. 

"Through the eyes," Ivan answers confidently. His voice echoes up the tall studio ceilings.

I glance at Sasha with a subtly amused look. She rolls her eyes slightly in agreement.