smother. [h.s.]

6. deja vu

Small Talk - Julia Jacklin

"Do you get it now?" Alice asks as she holds a pencil up between her fingers.

"Kind of... could you explain it again, but slower?" Niall responds, scooting closer to her on the picnic table.

"Again?" she laughs lightly, biting her lip. "Okay, okay. This is the last time," Alice grabs the notebook from his hands again, drawing out another graph.

Alice and Niall sit side by side on top of the wooden table, a small gap separating them with their legs resting on the bench connected to it. This morning they ended up in the same advanced physics class. He thinks it was a mistake in his schedule since he's never taken physics before, but is gonna try and learn the fast-paced material regardless. That, and he seems to be taking a liking to Alice and her tutoring.

I sit on the ground, leaning my back against the trunk of a large tree. There's a half-hour left in the lunch break and the sun came out at just the perfect time. I let the warmth sink into my skin, waking up the dead, cold parts inside of me. The winter has made my skin dull and my hair a few shades darker. I always feel so frigid and dry— it's simply the worst. I don't think I was built to withstand this season. My body aches for the summer, for the feeling of going out to dinner after swimming, and for a sleepy lay about in a hammock.

"My, look at you," a thick voice rasps out.

The light from the sun is blocked as Ivan steps in front of me.

I peek my eyes open up at him, already feeling the absence of warmth. I pick up the book that I had dropped in the grass and find the spot where I left off. I have a bad habit of forgetting to use bookmarks, only folding the ends when I remember to.

"Are you sick or something?" Ivan nudges my calf with the side of his sneakers.

"No?" I shake my head, pushing my hair out of my face. "Are you?" I cover my mouth and nose with my sleeve, giving him a weird look.

He chuckles and tosses around the red apple that he's been holding in the palm of his hand.

"No. You just kinda look like shit, to be honest."

I scrunch up my eyebrows, looking back down at my book.

"Right back at you."

"I got a new delivery, by the way. I'm gonna sell this week but figured I'd offer to you before the good stuff's gone."

I hum, flipping to the next page.

"You'll get your discount, as always."

I nod lightly, licking the tip of my finger before placing it down on the paper.

"No, no, you don't carry the 1 until the end—" I overhear Alice giggling. The rest of the group is still on their way to the courtyard after getting stuck in long food lines.

"So, is that a yes?" Ivan crouches down in front of me.

I nod, not looking at him. He's being so annoying about this. He knows I'll be buying his drugs, he really doesn't need to give me a whole sales pitch about it.

I feel him getting closer to me, his finger reaching forward to gently brush a curl out of my face. I immediately bring my eyes up to him, shrinking away from his touch.

"You know, I almost feel bad. Shame, you'd be much prettier sober."

I swiftly grab his wrist, sharply twisting his hand in an unnatural way. I turn it until he cries out in pain.

"Ow! What the fu—stop!"

"Just try and touch me again," I let go of him and get up, huffing as I gather my things to sit by Alice and Niall, a good distance away from Ivan.