smother. [h.s.]

11. a kiss with a fist

// play song when you see *

Celestial Crown - The Sword

Empty beer cans line the winding driveway, threatening to trip me with every step. I wrap my arms around myself as a cold wind blows through, my oversized jean jacket over my bikini top and shorts not enough to keep me warm. 

We had spent most of the day lounging around outside and drinking— only going back in the house to get more booze and food. It was the perfect day. We almost stayed behind to make a fire, but Sasha begged us to go to the party. 

Now, as we approach the nearby house, the sound of music floods into the otherwise serene street. It's blasting from deep inside its walls, making the ground around us shake to the beat. 

I'm still drunk from the day. With each step, I sway slightly and laugh to myself under my breath. I can feel Leo to my right, following me like a lost puppy, or more like a hawk. Sasha leads the group ahead of us and the rest of us follow in small huddles. 

I peek behind me, trying to get a glimpse of Harry. He's been sulking apart from the group all day. There's something about him that feels incomplete to me— like he's hiding something. Maybe I'm reading into it too much. Not everyone wants to be an open book. 

I can't help but crave those rare moments when it's just me and Harry; when he shows me a glimpse of his true self. They pass so quickly, often in anger or intimidation. There's a subtle rage boiling under his cool disposition, I can feel it. 

Yet I keep poking the bear, stupidly letting curiosity get the best of me. 

I watch as he walks along the edge of the grass beside Niall and Zayn. They're having a hushed conversation, and he doesn't notice my obvious staring. 

"Looking for someone?" Leo drawls out from in front of me. 

I turn my head back around, sighing as I take a sip from my third bottle of peach wine. I've been working through Noah's parents' cellar all day. The wines are far more expensive than anything I'd ever buy, but he gave me permission to go all out. 

"Not you," I say as I wipe my mouth on my sleeve. 

"No? That's a shame," Leo tosses his arm around my shoulder. 

I subconsciously lean my weight on him for support. The continued drinking has made me lightheaded. My head feels heavy on my shoulders.  

"Listen, this little crush of yours," he glances back towards Harry, "it won't last. You and me— we're solid. I know you miss me."

I let out a small laugh, kicking a beer bottle on the grass aside. My cheek uncontrollably falls onto his shoulder for a moment. 

"There's no we," I mumble as I lift his arm off of me, ungluing his body from mine, "and I don't have a crush." I glance back at Harry again.

I hurry up the porch steps before Leo can respond. Sasha is about to knock on the door when she notices it was left open. She pushes it open more and walks in, giving us the signal to enter. 

As we step into the house, we are bombarded by flashing blue and red lights. Through a dark hallway, littered with old beer cans and unidentified carpet stains, we make it out into a wide-open living room and kitchen. Groups of college students are dancing and drinking— some fighting, some kissing. Frat flags and sports team posters line the walls. Against the kitchen counter is an impressive collection of empty bottles from previous nights.

It's the closest thing to a real college party that we've had yet. 

Everyone starts to separate into different parts of the house, mingling and drinking with others.