smother. [h.s.]

22. count the days

Pains - Silk Rhodes

cw substance abuse

THE NEXT MORNING, AFTER BALLET REHEARSAL

The sound of paper smacking onto the table startles me. 

I lift my head up out of my textbook and stare up at the person before me. Sasha stands behind the old library table, her silhouette outlined by the soft glow of the center mosaic-tiled lamp. In her hand is a stack of familiar letters. 

"Hi," I say suddenly. 

"Hi." She waves around her hand. "Why haven't you opened these?"

"Why do you have them?" I yank the letters out of her hold. 

"They were just sitting on your desk. If you were trying to hide them, you didn't really do a good job."

"I wasn't. I just haven't gotten to it."

"I'll open them right now for you."

"No." I clutch them closer to my book and shake my head.

"No? These are your college decision letters! I don't get it."

Her voice raises slightly, drawing the librarian's gaze towards us, who slowly ceases her bookshelf organizing and contemplates shushing us. 

"You're so stubborn," Sasha whispers. She sits down in the seat next to mine and pretends to be doing work in her notebook. 

She leans on her elbow and eyes the letters again.

"What are you doing tonight?" 

"Don't know yet," I hum, turning the page quietly. 

"I've heard word of some sewer rave." 

"Have you?"

Sasha presses her palm onto my textbook, blocking the long equations that I've been reviewing for the past half hour. 

"Are you actually studying?"

"Yes— why aren't you? Quarterly exams are next week."

"You're scaring me. I've never seen you study, much less on a Saturday."

"I've got a C in math, so I don't really have a choice."

"How'd you let that happen?" She leans in closer, her voice lowering slightly. "I've been meaning to ask you about what went down with Leo." 

The chair in front of us squeaks as it's pulled back. Zayn sits down across from us, joining our table.

"Can we join?" Niall asks from behind him, his fraying bookbag sliding off one shoulder. 

"You've already invited yourself." Sasha nods toward Zayn. 

"Great." Niall sighs as he settles down in the next seat over. "We're all on the same page then."

"Are you two studying for quarterlies as well?" 

"Nah, those will be easy. We just like to hang out here."

"Well, I've actually got work to do," Zayn mutters into his notes. 

"What are you guys doing tonight, then?" Sasha pulls out her nail file from her backpack and begins to nonchalantly file at them, forming the tips of her nails into sharper ovals. 

"We heard about some rave," Niall says, his pencil flipping around easily between his fingers. 

"That makes two of us," I murmur.