smother. [h.s.]

8. make a wish

Rose Blood - Mazzy Star

"We've got to stop meeting like this." 

Slowly, Harry crouches down to my level on the floor.

He looks more tired than usual, the bags under his eyes noticeable in this dim light. He's still got his uniform on from classes earlier but he took off the blazer, leaving it on the bench by my things. The cuffs on his white button-up shirt are rolled up to his elbows neatly and his dress pants are perfectly straight, not a wrinkle in sight. 

My hands tremble from the adrenaline pumping through my veins. He stares at me intensely through vacant eyes— I try but fail to unearth what's going on in there, behind the glassiness of his gaze. The crease in between his forehead is prominent, etched into his smooth skin from the constant furrowing of his brows.

He brings his hand up to my face, the tip of his thumb lightly tracing along the indent of my chin, all the way to the end of my jaw. I stay frozen under his touch. 

Harry's fingers dip into my thick hair at the base of my neck, delicately grabbing a fistful of it before harshly tugging my head back. My chin sticks up from the sudden pull, a quiet gasp of shock leaving my parted lips. The air between us is thick, but still. Cold, yet hot. I feel like I'm burning up in his line of vision, but I can't look away.

"How stupid are you?" he shakes his head in disbelief.

I stay silent, observing his every move. 

His hand relaxes and releases his hold on my hair. My chin drops back down slowly, my head bowing down in relief. 

"I wasn't going to jump," I say quietly. 

"Right," he mutters.

"I wasn't," I say with more confidence. "I just like to sit here sometimes." 

I chew on the inside of my cheek, my hands laying restlessly in my lap.

He's right, I am stupid. I've let an argument send me spiraling. Even worse, I'm sitting here, allowing him to drag me around like a lifeless doll. The second he put his hands on me, I should have kicked him in the groin. I should have pulled on his ear while elbowing his ribs. I knew what to do, but I couldn't get myself to move in the moment. His hands, albeit rough and uncaring, make my skin come alive. Like a moth to a flame, everything in me says to go along, to listen to his course words— to stay in his hold for a few more seconds. 

I can't think of a reason why I feel this way around him. His presence is suffocating. He's rude, aloof, and annoying most of the time. And he's not even that cute. 

"Sit somewhere else. There won't always be someone around to save you." He returns to a standing position, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket as he takes a few steps backward. 

I lean my head back against the cold wall, feeling my heartbeat return to my ears. I cross my arms over each other and run my fingers over the goosebumps accumulating on my skin.

"I know," I say weakly. "Thank you, again. Why were you here in the first place?"

Harry holds a cigarette in between his lips as he considers answering my question. He leans against the railing of the stairs, inhaling while he lights the end of the stick. 

"Ivan and I have been doing our drops here, we leave cash for them to pick up."

"So you're part of his dealing ring," I connect the dots from seeing him in Ivan's room earlier. "Is that why you transferred here in your last year?"