The Billionaire's Hidden Son (Cavanaugh #1)

Kabanata 33

Kabanata 33

Explained

I WAS too bewildered, and the words that Kiana slapped on my face did not incontinently register in my mind. It was hazy to me, so blur that I wanted her to repeat it, if it was the only way to clear it. She was frustratedly pointing her index finger at Lazarus that time. Referring to him, that he was one of those people who used and fooled me.

Things unpredictably happened in the time when we were good and healed.

Akala ko ay siya lang ang dahilan kung bakit nagkasira-sira na ang buhay ko. I blamed her for leaving me after saying that the liquid that I mixed in Lazarus' drink was totally an ecstasy. My conscience would not bear the consequences that might happened to Lazarus if I did nott stay to help him out of those unbearable effects of the drug.

I took all the responsibility. Ngayon ay pasan ko na lahat ng responsibilidad sa murang edad. If those things did not destroy my life, I would be with my parents by now, walking down the streets of Canada and feel the freedom for a lifetime.

Ayos na sana. Si Kiana lang sana ang sisisihin ko sa lahat pero hindi lang pala talaga siya.

I was asking myself. What have I done to deserve this shitload of a hell? Could not I just be happy? Hindi ba puwede 'yon? Wala na nga'ng pera at sobra'ng paghihirap, hindi pa masaya.

Only my son could give me feel pure happiness, in such situation as this.

It was three days since that incident in the restroom happened. It was weekend, and I guess some of Lazarus' relatives were already here. Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng nangyayari sa labas ng suite na 'to. How would I know if I locked myself in this high class suite of this beach resort since that day?

Minsan ay pumapasok si Lazarus dito. Syempre resort nila ito kaya kahit iharang ko pa ang mga mamahaling gamit dito sa pintuan upang hindi siya makapasok ay mabubuksan niya pa rin. Makakapasok pa rin siya.

The 'third week' that he kept on bugging me about the pregnancy test was getting nearer. I was nervous because what if he was right? What if I was pregnant again?

Nagdadalawang-isip na ako dahil simula kahapon ay sumasakit ang ulo ko. Headaches, uncontrollable emotions, and addiction of sleeping. Until now, my head was aching, overthinking things, and would eventually fell asleep.

Lagi akong nakahilata sa kama at palaging natutulog. Feeling ko ay may lagnat ako dahil parang nabibigatan ako sa sarili ko. I could not even walk without stumbling, and the world felt like spinning. I was not even drunk but I felt so much than suffering from a hangover in the morning.

Hindi alam ni Lazarus ang lahat ng 'to dahil sa tuwing pumapasok siya rito ay naaabutan niya akong nakahiga lang sa kama, at kapag gising ako ay magkukunwari akong tulog. He would just convince me to listen to his explanation so I would rather sleep than believing another lie.

I needed space, and it was not like I need it for the rest of my life. I just wanted to think, wait no, I did not want to think. It would only hurt me more if I did.

Alone. I wanted to be alone and that was it.

Naalala ko lang 'yong mga pinagsamahan namin ni Kiana noon. We cheated on our exams together, ate lunch and snacks together in the school cafeteria, cutting classes sometimes. Then the school principal would demand our presence in his office together. When together was left to be a nice memory.

What would I expect? Everything was all temporary.

Noong mga panahong 'yon ay bago ko lang nakilala si Irithel. I mean, kilala ko na siya dahil sa pagiging sikat na playgirl pero mas naging close kami nang lumipat ng paaralan si Kiana.