Jason: so your mom is half Arab and half Chinese and you dad is just white
Damian: you already know this, what are you going on about Todd
Jason: so technically you're more white than you are Arab
Damian: that just ruined my whole fucking day
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Jamie: amado, what would you do if I told you to go make me a sandwich
Damian: so I would assume you got tired of being alive
Jamie: you would really kill me
Damian: YES I WOULD. YOU ARE NOT ABOUT TO BOSS ME AROUND LIKE I AM SOME SERVANT HERE TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR EVERY NEED. YOU AREN'T SPECIAL LITTLE BOY, YOU ARE NOT MY SUPERIOR NOR WILL YOU "TELL ME" TO DO ANYTHING I AM NOT A USELESS- here's your sandwich beloved, LITTLE WORKER OR CONCUBINE HERE FOR YOUR EVERY NEED
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Damian: *high* what is truly the point of life. All we are here for is to be born, reproduce, and die. None of us serve any purpose here, but humans are different. We are supposed to be like every other animal but we choose to destroy the earth, other animals and each other out of greed and bias. We are a plague on this Earth and I honestly feel like coronavirus is just finally natural selection taking place. Millions upon millions have died yet people still refuse to believe it exists. We take take take take take. From other, from the world, even from ourselves and we refuse to change for the better. Humans are truly the scum of the earth.
Everybody at the Wayne enterprises winter gala: . . . . .
Damian: or it just doesn't matter and I'm over analyzing things and. . .or am I
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Bruce: Damian why did I get an email from your school saying you weren't in 5th period
Damian: I was in the bathroom
Bruce: yes they mentioned that, but what were you doing in the bathroom
Damian: what do you mean
Bruce: you know what I mean
Damian: what do you mean I was just in the bathroom
Bruce: you know what I mea- look why were you and 20 other students dressed in black cloaks with a voodoo doll of your teacher burning on the floor
Damian: no one likes her, and the doll wasn't real we just wanted to scare her
(This is a story from like 9 years ago, I heard it from a guy who I went to daycare with and got expelled for doing it.)
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Damian: your face is so fucked up it's the only part of you hat isn't a virgin
Stephanie: your so short you would break your neck if you fell off the bed
Damian: I am so glad I leave the cave before you get back, so I don't have to smell your sweaty ass roast beef vagina every time you walk
Stephanie: hey Damian you wanna know how I know you were adopted, because no one would ever willingly choose your as their kid
Damian: *starts to tear up*
Stephanie: no nonononono I'm sorry Damian I went too far, I'm sorry
__________
Damian:I have a boyfriend
Bruce and Dick: no you don't
Damian: what are you talking about yes I do
YOU ARE READING
Damian Wayne Oneshots
Hayran KurguIt's mostly angst. There is absolutely no y/n or x reader. And there is a lot of shit I may have made up but that's almost kinda the point of fan fiction and one shots. Using popular characters from books, TV shows, and movies and making short stori...
