Vampire Heart

Chapter 23

I had played my part. I stood witness to Jan Turek making love to Irena, my Irena, and I had to swallow the burning coal and be quiet about it. It hurt like nothing I had ever experienced in my existence. Not even the most terrible wound, not even my brothers' betrayal had been so painful as having to see the two of them joined on Irena's bed.
I do not even remember the journey back to Kasperk. I must have taken to the air, fast as a raven, my raven always a wing’s breath away. I do remember entering the book room and the twin looks of worry on Alzbeta and Henri’s faces.
‘What happened?’ Alzbeta leapt and ran towards me, taking my cold face into her hands. ‘Damian. Are you all right?’
Henri too stood up from his place beside the fire and came to me.
‘By the looks of him, I’d say he’s far from being all right,’ he murmured. ‘Tell us what happened. Did you see Irena?’
I began to inhale and stopped, mid-breath, my mind blank.
‘I need...blood,’ I managed hoarsely.
Kol the raven gave a wild croak and fluttered above me.
‘No...you’re free to go. Go...’
Henri opened the window for him and the bird set off into the night with a long forlorn cry. Alzbeta took me by the shoulders and made me sit down before the hearth.
‘I need blood, Beta,’ I implored her, feeling my eyes sting with blood tears. ‘I need blood—human blood—I need to...kill.’
She put her arms around me and held me close. I knew that above my shoulder, she and Henri were exchanging deeply concerned glances and thoughts.
‘All right, if he needs human blood, he should damn well get it,’ Henri decided and grabbed his cloak. ‘I’ll come back soon. Take care of him, Beta.’
She simply nodded and he disappeared into the night after the raven. Alzbeta’s hands were stroking my hair and she lifted my head, forcing me to look at her.
‘What happened there?’ she whispered, wiping the red tears with her thumbs. ‘Tell me.’
I shrugged and glanced into the fire.
‘What needed to happen I suppose.’
‘Did you see her?’
I nodded.
‘Did you speak to her?’
‘Briefly. And only to scorn and reject her—’
‘What did she say?’
I inhaled deeply, feeling all the torn pieces of my heart stretch painfully and tear apart even more.
‘She wanted to know if I still had feelings for her. She still hoped. Until the last minute, she still hoped, Beta.’
Alzbeta squeezed my hands tightly, her features twisting up with pity. I kept staring into the flames, words forming out of my mouth without me even hearing them.
‘Close after midnight, I entered her chamber at Turek’s instructions. I found the two of them entangled and half-naked on her bed—’
Alzbeta’s breath hitched and she covered her mouth, eyes wide.
‘Oh no. Damian!’
‘That was the plan all along, you see. I knew what to expect. I thought I was ready.’
‘Were they actually—’
‘Yes.’
Alzbeta swallowed audibly.
‘I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have seen that.’
I shrugged again.
‘It was the only way—for her to be able to let go—’
I could not finish and say, “of me,” “of us.” Alzbeta snuggled closer on my lap and brought my head to her generous bosom. Of few moments of silenced passed.
‘What did Jan say?’ she asked in a small, guilt-filled voice.
‘The usual damned nonsense, that I’m not welcome there, not needed...as if I didn’t already know.’
After another silence, I added:
‘Irena would have stopped me. At the very end, she called my name. She called me back. It took everything I had not to obey her and throw myself at her feet.’
Alzbeta huffed indignantly.
‘After she had just betrayed you with Jan?’
‘Even so. Because she never really betrayed me. She allowed herself to feel love again with someone else. That that someone isn’t me, it’s not Irena’s fault, is it?’
Alzbeta’s emotions were swirling with guilt and regret.
‘It had to be done, Damian,’ she tried, her mind racing to find the best in a worst situation. ‘She wouldn’t have stopped searching for you otherwise. There is too much at stake here. This whole damned country depends on that girl. You did the right thing. I hate to have to say it, but...I do believe it’s for the best.’
I shifted my leg and forced her to stand up. I walked to the window and gazed at the pale streak of purple dawn.
‘I hope so, Beta. For everyone’s sake, I hope so.’
Out of the trees, Henri was coming back, a slouched figure dangling on his shoulder. He was actually bringing me human blood. At first, I wanted to meet him on the path and release the mortal. But as he got progressively closer, I distinctly saw who that crooked figure was.
‘What is he thinking?’ I muttered, as Alzbeta joined me at the window.
‘Making amends,’ she grinned and waved at her lover.
It had not been more than an hour since Henri had left. He could run faster than I, that I had always known. But for him to travel all the way to Kostvice and back so quickly, it was quite a feat. One minute later, he and his load were making a proud entry in our parlour.
‘Good morning, my loves,’ he declared, depositing the old hag directly on the carpet.
Erika had her mouth covered with a rag and her arms and legs had been securely tied.
‘I have brought you a gift,’ Henri said and rummaged in his pocket.
The emerald medallion I had gifted Irena long ago was now dangling before my eyes.
‘It never suited me anyway,’ Henri chuckled and placed the jewel in my palm.
My fingers closed around it. It had been Irena’s present and she had been forced to exchange it for a false promise.
On the floor, Erika’s eyes were throwing sparks at each of us in turn. She settled on Henri in the end. He smirked and gestured to her.
‘I know her old shrivelled bones haven’t got much left in them, Dami. But if your want her, she’s yours.’
I crouched down and wrenched the rag from around the woman’s mouth. Yes, upon closer inspection, I could determine a resemblance to my nemesis Kendra.
‘What do you know of Loki’s mirror?’ I asked her in Old Norse.
‘Nothing of interest to you, you cursed demon!’ she hissed and spat me right in the face.
Henri launched himself over her, shook her and threw her across the floor to the opposite wall. I stood up and wiped my face.
‘Leave her be, Henri,’ I sighed, satisfied I had proven myself correct.
The hag had answered me in my own native tongue without even noticing it. She was not Kendra, that was clear enough, but a close relation. Perhaps even her daughter. Witches could live long hundreds of years as well.
Alzbeta approached me and put her hand on my shoulder gently.
‘What did you ask her?’
‘If she knew anything about the mirror...’
‘Obviously, she does,’ Henri scoffed, and plunged his sharp-nailed fingers into the woman’s thinning hair, pulling her head up roughly.
‘You will answer him, or die,’ he hissed in her face. ‘Or will you spit at me too. Will you? Darling?’
Alzbeta cringed; she also knew of Henri and the hag’s past together. The hag cackled a stiff laugh, displaying her black hole of a mouth with decaying teeth.
‘I would do something else to you, darling, would I still possess her mirror,’ she sniggered.
Alzbeta grew tall beside me, but I held her still.
‘The mirror is gone, Erika,’ I said clearly. ‘Shattered to pieces. If you ever nurtured the hope you could get your claws on it, I’m afraid it’s too late.’
‘And where are those pieces?’ she hissed, her eyes sparkling with fury. ‘Even if turned to sand, it still has power. One shard of it is enough to command the fickle.’
I felt the muscles in my jaw working with subdued anger. One shard still existed, that was certain, not farther than in the attic of this very house. More might still be out there somewhere. Who had cleaned the debris at Karlstejn after Alzbeta and I had gone? Turek had sworn to me one piece was all that was left. What if there were more? Where would they be? Who would keep them?
‘I have one more question, Erika. It would be wise for you to answer if you wish to leave this place alive,’ I said, gesturing to Henri to step aside and let her collect herself from the floor.
I crouched down once more and tore apart the ropes binding her limbs. She grinned an evil grin, her eyes two narrow black slits.
‘Why would I bother answering to you? Wasn’t I hauled here to be killed anyway?’
‘I swear to you, you will walk free if you answer honestly.’
‘Ha!’
‘After all the trouble I went through to get her for you, Damian,’ Henri rolled his eyes annoyed, studying his fingernails.
I threw him a glance, then returned to Erika.
‘Tell me. Is Kendra alive?’
Erika’s ugly mouth opened and she let out a hissing sound that slowly became a sniggering, mocking laugh.
‘No. She was murdered. By your brother.’
I felt the ground shake under my feet.
‘You are lying. My brothers are dead. I slaughtered them.’
Erika’s laughter was growing breathless and she started coughing badly. For long minutes, she was unable to catch her breath. I grabbed her shoulders and shook her lightly, forcing her to look at me.
‘Tell me, damn you! Tell me who did it!’
Gods knew, Kendra had made plenty of enemies in those ancient days. Certainly, the hag was speaking nonsense, making a fool out of me for even inclining to believe her two-tongue words.
‘I told you,’ she spat, her thin hands wriggling beneath her robes, ‘your dear brother—’
‘No. They are dead. All dead.’
‘Not all. He ain’t dead.’
‘Who is he?’
Erika just cackled, her hand flashing out a thin blade. I moved away instinctually, but the knife had never been intended for me. The hag stabbed herself instead, plunging the blade deep into her heart.
‘No!’ I cried and pulled out the knife, closing my hand over the gouging, blood-spouting wound. ‘No! Who was it? Which of my brothers? Tell me who was it, damn you!’
Erika fell down to her side, her cackling mouth at last silent, her lightning-throwing eyes empty.
‘Damn you!’
I released a cry of powerless anger and rose to my feet, my blood-stained hands raking through my hair. The others stood watching me, close to one another, full of apprehension.
I released a cry of powerless anger and rose to my feet, my blood-stained hands raking through my hair. The others stood close to one another, watching me full of apprehension. I gave a soft scoff, staring at the blood on my hands that did not even tempt me anymore.
‘And here I thought this night couldn’t get any worse...’
I closed my eyes and heaved a deep breath, then turned to the other two.
‘We have to get rid of the body. Erika was a renowned healer in her county. Her absence will not go unnoticed.’
Without saying anything, Henri paced to me, stood still for a moment, gazed at me long and deep, then wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in a tight embrace. I wanted to resist at first, I could feel myself tense. But after a mere moment, I gave myself into the sensation of having someone else carry my burdens even for the space of an embrace. So I circled his waist and brought his head on my shoulder, holding him there and as close to my heart as I could.
‘Oh, my dears!’
Alzbeta joined us and put her slim arms around Henri and me. I opened for her and took her on my other side, keeping both of them tucked snugly to me. They were my family now. The only family I cared to have.
‘We are with you, whatever comes,’ Alzbeta murmured.
‘Or whoever. Not even that Mad Count could make me leave you this time,’ Henri whispered.
I scoffed and attempted a smile.
‘Let him try!’
We broke apart for a fraction, and the three of us gazed at each other not with hope, nor joy, but with confidence and absolute trust. We let down our inner shields and allowed that our souls mate with one another.
Alzbeta and I were sharing the same blood bond. So Henri bit into his wrists and offered one to me and the other to her. He fed us and took pleasure in it. At length, it was our turn to offer him our blood. Thus, the three of us were forever linked.
I would be lying to say this did not make me feel better after the night’s terrible events. Yes, I had lost Irena, and I had just received the disturbing news that one of my brothers was still alive somewhere. But at least, I was no longer alone.
Through the centuries, I had had many human friends that I had had the privilege to call family for a limited period of time. Inexorably, they had all perished. I had obstinately avoided nurturing attachment relations among my own kind, for fear of another betrayal, I presume. Vampires were fickle creatures, as the hag had said. But these two young ones standing now close to me would not allow me to stray. And for the first time, I felt the need to cherish what I had for as long as possible. I vowed I would not let anything part us. At last, time was not my enemy any longer. In one aspect at the very least. Because the fear of losing Irena to time and old age would never leave me.
Henri stepped aside and wiped the corner of his delicate mouth with a silk handkerchief.
‘I’ll attend to Erika’s body. I owe her that much. And I’m the one who brought her here anyway. To die—’
Alzbeta took his hand.
‘I’ll help. I believe Damian needs some time to digest all of this.’
‘Shouldn’t you join us, perhaps? A pleasant walk in the woods on a lovely June morning?’ Henri asked, sinking his fingers into my shoulder and squeezing gently. ‘You never got to have your share of blood.’
I chuckled and patted his hand.
‘I’m fine. I’ve just had your blood, haven’t I?’
He smiled.
‘It wasn’t nearly enough, but I won’t insist. Come, my dear.’
Alzbeta placed a soft kiss on my cheek and tucked a strand of blood-matted hair behind my ear.
‘Have a bath while we’re away. Be good, will you?’
I smiled.
‘You don’t have to be afraid, Beta. I’m not going to do anything stupid at this point.’
‘I’ll hold you to your word, then.’
They were off. I stood at the window and watched them walk slowly into the forest, Henri carrying Erika’s body over one shoulder, just the way he had brought her a few hours before, Alzbeta on his other side, holding his hand. They were talking softly, but even from a distance, I could still hear them. They were worried about me. They wanted me to join them and leave Bohemia for good.
I sighed and headed up to my chamber. I prepared a steaming bath and let my tensed muscles soak in warm water. I knew Henri and Alzbeta were right. I should leave this country. I had fulfilled my word to Jaromir. I had stayed long enough to make sure Irena had been crowned Queen.
Now, the next step would be for her to marry and produce heirs. It was a done deal. I did not have to sit around and wait for that too. Besides. If one of my brothers was indeed alive, I needed to know. Which one of them would it be? Where would he be now? Whoever and wherever, he would represent a peril.
I had a new task: preserve my family and keep them safe. If one of my ancient kin was roaming the world freely, he would undoubtedly want to find me and seek revenge. My young ones would be in danger if he found us first. I had to pick up the pieces of myself and stitch them together to be able to go on, to carry on fighting.
That night, I spoke to Henri and Alzbeta of my fears. They argued that we should start searching for my brother without delay. What we would do if and when we found him still remained an unsolved problem. If he travelled the world as an immortal, he would also be old and powerful—hard to locate, nigh impossible to kill.
The three of us spent the following days and weeks planning our journey north. We needed money, transport and weapons. We needed sustenance and enough sense of self-preservation as not to attract attention to ourselves.
The morning of our departure, one month later, coincided with Irena’s wedding day.
‘Do you wish to stay another day?’ Alzbeta asked tentatively.
‘No, why would we?’
‘I thought perhaps...you would like to see her. As we did when she was crowned. We can all go to Prague and hide in the crowds—’
I shook my head determinedly.
‘I won’t plague her world anymore. Not even from afar. My choice is made, so is hers.’
‘We should leave then. The North awaits,’ Henri put in with a grin.
He was curious. The northern countries seemed to him just as exotic as the Orient. I warned him the North was far from lush and colourful as the Eastern empires were.
‘Expect cold weather and colder people, Henri.’
‘You’re not cold, though,’ he argued.
‘I have the two of you to keep me warm, haven’t I?’ I joked.
But Henri beamed at me and Alzbeta kissed me lightly.
‘Of course. And you know you will always have us.’
I kissed her back, then kissed Henri too.
‘I do believe all this agitation has turned you sentimental, old friend,’ Henri laughed.
‘Didn’t you say you liked me warm?’
‘I like you hot, but whatever may please you.’
Alzbeta giggled and hooked her arms through mine and Henri’s.
‘Enough banter, you two. We have a family duty to accomplish.’
And so, we left.
A good number of years of ceaseless and fruitless searching followed. We travelled over three quarters of the continent in vain. There had not been any sign of vampires in any of the northern kingdoms. There had not remained any traces of my old blood line, no one to remember me or my family.
After yet another decade, I began to seriously doubt Erika’s last words to me. We had submitted our best skills to the task of finding my brother, to no avail. Even so, I was not inclined to give up, and I would have restlessly kept up the search, strongly tempted to gather my two mates and cross the Atlantic, had it not been for the sudden rumour of the Bohemian Queen’s poor health.
We were in Odessa when we first caught wind of the recent political uproar taking place in the small Kingdom of Bohemia. The Queen was dying of consumption and there was a struggle verging on civil unrest between her firstborn son and the local nobility.
The moment this news reached me, I jumped from the chair I was occupying, and the entire hall of the Great Russian Opera saw me leap over seats and balconies. Alzbeta and Henri followed me without a word. They had heard what I had heard. They knew nothing could stop me from running to her.
During our journey back, we learned that Jan Turek the King Consort had died only a year before, also because of illness. The cold musty walls of that old castle needed to be torn to the ground. I was on the verge of running my fist through its green bricks the moment I stood facing its high silhouette, first time in forty years. Of course, always sensible, Alzbeta and Henri stopped me.
‘Go to her, Damian. It’s nobody’s fault she is old and sick.’
‘It’s what usually happens to mortals, as you very well know.’
‘Henri!’ Alzbeta chided him.
I gnashed my teeth and almost growled at him.
‘Somehow, Henri, your use of sarcasm is not helping me now.’
He recomposed his features and cleared his voice.
‘You’re right, Dami. I’m an insensitive arse. Forgive me and please forget I said that. Beta speaks wisely. Just go to her. We will wait for you here.
I nodded once and left them there under the cover of darkness, at the foot of the high outer walls, which I climbed in the next instant. Irena’s chamber was the same as always. I stood hanging from a stone ornament above her window and looked inside. There, on the four-poster bed, lay the Queen, she who had been so lovely and full of life, now white and withered.
I was deeply shocked to see her like this. Something deep inside me cracked and my defences shattered. All the love I had felt for her all those years, then forcefully stifled, was now overflowing like the waters of a furious sea. I began to cry. I could not bear to see her like this. Why had I not stayed here? I could have prevented this!
Beside her sat a young woman in her late adolescence, her youngest daughter, no doubt. I wiped my eyes and could distinguish Jan Turek’s angular features and dark eyes. She had inherited his smooth fair hair, but the rest of her figure was brimming with Irena’s soft and suave forms. The young Liliana was holding her mother’s frail hand and was speaking animatedly, gesturing wildly. Was she aware how serious her mother’s condition truly was? Could she not hear the stammering old heart hiccupping through each beat with less and less strength?
After perhaps an hour, the daughter bent low and kissed Irena on the forehead, rising to leave.
‘Call me if you need anything, yes?’ Liliana said dutifully, her hear racing with nerves. ‘Lord Pavel and I will just walk in the gardens. We won’t be far.’
‘Don’t worry about me, my love,’ Irena answered in a frail, almost unrecognizable voice. ‘Go and enjoy yourself. Be sure to dress warmly. It was rather cold today.’
‘But the leaves are lovely, aren’t they?’ the girl quipped. ‘I absolutely adore autumn.’
‘Lovely...yes...’
Liliana kissed her mother once more, her hand caressing her white hair.
‘Rest well, Mama. I’ll see you tomorrow morning. I can’t wait to tell you all about it!’
‘Me too, my love...me too. Off you go. Don’t make him wait...’
‘Yes, Mama.’
The moment her daughter was out, Irena began coughing badly. I realised how hard she must have struggled not to while her child was still there. I wasted no more time and broke the window’s lock and finally entered the room. It smelled of chloroform and peppermint oil, of old age and unforgiving illness.
I was terrified as I had not been in my entire existence, but I made myself step forward slowly. Her eyes were closed, yet I knew she could not sleep because of the pain. I did not mean to frighten her with my presence. No doubt she would have a fit to see me now after forty-something years. Yet, when her watery blue eyes opened and set on me, I was the one who began shaking violently.
‘Hello, Damian,’ Irena spoke in a breathless and cough-coarse voice.
I could not say anything. I just stood there, nailed, staring at her, blood tears trickling from my eyes and staining the carpet. She was so beautiful, even now, thin and emaciated, hair and skin as white as snow. She attempted a chuckle.
‘Then...I must be truly am dying if you’re here.’
‘Oh my love!’ I managed just as hoarsely.
And then, I had thrown myself to my knees, my trembling hands taking hers, kissing the soft wrinkled skin desperately, staining it red with my tears.
‘Forgive me,’ I breathed into her palm. ‘Forgive me, please!’
I felt her struggle to sit up and her other hand was on my head, stroking gently.
‘There is nothing to forgive.’
‘Yes! Yes, there is. I abandoned you!’
‘You had to. I know that. I knew it from that night on.’
‘I scorned you—rejected you—’
‘You were lying. You were doing it for me and for my Kingdom. And I am grateful to you—’
Her words were cut short by another coughing fit. I leapt on the bed beside her and, as gently as I could, I gathered her thin body and held her close, stroking her back, willing for the cough to ease. She had shrivelled to the measurements of a child and her entire body was trembling with the effort to breathe.
I looked to the bedside table desperately and grabbed the peppermint bottle. I dabbed a few drops of oil on my kerchief and brought it to her nose.
‘Breathe, my love, breathe. Slowly. There.’
The cough fit subsided and her lungs began to work again. I could hear them hiss and wheeze painfully. She moved gingerly in my arms and snuggled in to my chest, making herself comfortable. The cough had brought tears to her eyes and as she gazed up at me, more gathered and overflowed.
‘Look at you...’ she murmured. ‘So beautiful! You have always been so beautiful...’
‘Hush, don’t strain yourself—’
‘And look at me...worse than a hag...’
‘You are lovely!’ I breathed, stroking her withered cheek. ‘You have always been the most beautiful in all the land.’
She tried to smile, but I could feel her poor heart stammer even with that small gesture. She was truly dying. Right then, in my arms. Her thinned lips were slowly turning a deep shade of purple. I had to act now.
‘Irena, don’t close your eyes. Look at me. I can cure you. Take my blood! Live with me—’
In a supreme effort, she lifted her hand and covered my mouth, stilling me.
‘I...am...happy.’
The blue eyes, blue as the corn-flowers and the summer skies, closed. The heart that had beat way past its due finally admitted defeat. She knew I would come. She had kept herself alive...for me. That knowledge alone was enough to undo me.
I let out howl of grief and despair and began sobbing and wailing over her lifeless body, covering it in blood as if from a gashing wound. I had come too late. My greatest love no longer walked the earth—so the earth no longer interested me.
The doors to the chamber were thrown open and guards and maidservants burst in. They all saw me hunched over their Queen and gasped in horror. I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and laid her body onto the pillows. I kissed her cold lips and her forehead.
‘Irena of Bohemia is dead. Long live the King,’ I spoke in the foreboding silence.
Before the inevitable uproar began, I had already reached the windows and prepared to jump. I caught sight of a pair of deep dark eyes and the flutter of golden curls. Liliana of Bohemia would lead a long a healthy life and I was satisfied that Irena’s legacy would go on.
I however had had enough. I saw no reason to be alive anymore. I set off at a run and did not stop outside the walls where my companions were dutifully waiting for me.
‘Damian!’
‘Damian, stop!’
You will leave me.
‘No! Damian—don’t do it—’
‘He’s gone mad—’
‘DAMIAN!’
I ignored their calls and took out to the air. I needed to make it end. All I saw was fire. Fire in my blood and in my heart. Wild, purging fire, purging me from the pain and purging the world of me. A world without Irena. Thus I kept running and I ran to die.