Vampire Heart

Chapter 16

I thought I knew the meaning of true suffering. I had lived to see my family wrecked to pieces. I had outlived brave men and women on violent battlefields. I had seen pain and death countless times. Yet, they all paled in comparison to the misery I was enduring now. For the first time in all my years of walking this earth, I wanted it to end. I wanted to die.
Seeing Irena in the arms of another man was unbearable. Seeing her seeking comfort from someone else for what I had said and done—that was another level of pain. That was something worse than death. I had hurt her in ways I could not dare imagine. She had trusted me, had given me her heart. In exchange, I betrayed her horribly and ran her heart through, then tore it to pieces.
Was I aware of what I was doing, you ask? Did I realise my actions? Did I hear my own words? To my excuse, only by half.
Alzbeta’s magic was quite astounding because it had actually affected me. Never in my existence had I been under a spell. Two witches and one warlock had in turn attempted to bind my powers and my will to theirs in the past, but once I had freed myself, word spread and no other tried again. They even gave me a name. I was the Frozen One, the one upon which sorcery did not work. Well, it appeared to have worked now, and I was no nearer in discovering how come. But to return to the terrible events of that fateful day.
Yes, Alzbeta's mirror broke into a million of little fractions. One of them pierced me when I stepped forward to shield my love. I felt the tiny mirror shard sting my eye and it sent a burning current through my veins. Instantly, I felt Alzbeta's great fury and it somehow became mine. I was overcome with hatred--hatred against all who had wronged her, all who had defied her. I hated Irena the most.
You cannot imagine the deep shame I feel now to have to admit to this, to have to say these words. I hated the one I loved more than my own life. At the same time, some well-hidden part of me, the frozen part, kept fighting against the burning venom. That is why I think I was able to hold myself from wounding her and Turek physically. All I knew in those moments was that I needed to take Alzbeta out of Karlstejn and out of Bohemia. The other details, the kiss she made me share with her, the very words she made me say--everything was performed unconsciously. I had no will of my own to fight her, it was really just a performance.
So we left. We took to the air because it was faster and I could not care any less where we were going.
I do not remember much of the journey. It was mostly Alzbeta elaborating on her world-conquering plans, to which I had absolutely no interest whatsoever. I only wanted to feed. I was suddenly craving blood as never before. At a slowly-resurfacing subconscious level, I knew it was my body's reaction to the mirror's poison. I needed sustenance so I could heal.
That evening, we landed somewhere in the Austrian Alps, at the foot of an isolated snow-covered village. I had not hunted humans to feed on in ages, but animal blood disgusted me. Naturally, Alzbeta did not even want to hear about the elk or goat specimen roaming the cliffs.
We entered the village. I did not wish to kill, even though my self-control was weak.
'Come, my love,' Alzbeta prompted, showing me the only two lit-windows in the entire village. 'That tavern is bound to be packed with beer-drinkers at this hour. We can indulge.'
She made to head forward down the pathway, but I gripped her hand and stopped her. At first, she thought I wanted to share another intimate moment. She smiled and wrapped her arms around me, lifting her face to me.
'Would you kiss me?' Alzbeta crooned, caressing my face.
I stared for a long while at her, into her red eyes. My pierced one still hurt, but the pain was fading fast now, as fast as my thirst surged.
'Let's hunt first,' I muttered. 'It's too painful.'
She groaned sympathetically, then stood on her toes and kissed me softly, apparently not bothered by my lack of response.
'I know this thirst very well,' Alzbeta murmured. 'It still burns me too. I thought last night's blood would suffice for some time.'
'You were careless. You wasted too much,' I reprimanded her sternly.
She gazed at me curiously, evidently suspecting.
'I needed revenge and I took it. Now, let's go feed.'
'Feed, we shall, but not kill. You must start exercising some measure of restraint.'
'What did you say?'
'You heard me. As your maker, it is my duty to guide you. As long as I am by your side, Alzbeta, you shall learn control.'
With a little scoff, Alzbeta took my face in her hands and scrutinized me thoroughly.
'It's fading,' she hissed. 'I can't believe it. Why so soon? I thought it would be stronger than this.'
Cursing, she stomped forward towards the little settlement, mumbling to herself. I followed her quietly. In less than an hour, we stood before the door to the tavern. Indeed, we could hear laughter and a variety of voices united in general merriment.
'We go inside, find someone suitable and wait for them to come out,' I instructed.
'No. We feed now,' she protested, jutting her chin. 'I shall have my way or none at all.'
I shrugged and kept quiet. I must admit, I had very little interest in arguing with her in that moment, even if it involved committing murder. Alzbeta did not wait for me and opened the tavern door. As we stepped inside, all noise ceased and everyone's heads turned to us.
'Good evening,' she greeted, showing her little fangs.
'Evening, your Grace,' the innkeeper answered, taking in our rich attire. 'What will it be? I'm afraid we have only ale and some brandy left.'
'Two brandies will be fine,' I intervened, before Alzbeta's arrogant tendencies would ruin our chances.
I was dying of thirst, yet I was determined that we would not act with violence. Hence, I took Alzbeta's elbow and directed her to a table in the corner. Everyone's heads slowly turned to us and followed as we crossed the narrow passage between tables until we reached the one left empty at the back.
'Sit here,' I told her, taking the chair opposite.
I arranged us so that she sat with her back to the room and only I could beging studying the possible victims. Or victim. I had made it my purpose that we would only take one life tonight. We would have to share, even though that meant drinking less. It would suffice to quench our need for now.
In the next moment, the innkeeper approached our table with two glasses of amber-coloured liquid. I could already tell by the murkiness that it was indeed the last of his whiskey. He put the glasses in front of us and I saw Alzbeta giving him a good long measured look.
‘Thank you, kind sir,’ she simpered falsely with a charming smile. ‘Would you give me your name?’
‘Er…Jorg, your Grace,’ he mumbled, glancing from Alzbeta to me bemused.
‘Very well, Jorg. You may go,’ she waved her ringed beautiful hand.
He was in fact a tall, heavily-built man, I suspected well after forty years of age. I felt the planked floorboard bend and creak under his footsteps as he made his way back.
‘You needn’t confound him so,’ I muttered disapprovingly, taking a mouthful of whiskey.
‘I couldn’t resist,’ she shrugged, then gestured to the glasses. ‘How can you stand drinking that?’
‘It warms me. It doesn’t help with the thirst, obviously.’
Alzbeta took a drink from her own glass and wrinkled her nose in disgust.
‘Horrible.’
It was my turn to shrug.
‘What do you think of Jorg?’ I asked then. ‘Everyone else here is old and decrepit.’
Indeed, the inn was full of elderly men and there were no women present at that late hour.
‘Yes, all dried out as husks. Very unappealing,’ Alzbeta murmured. ‘Even so, I’m too thirsty to be peaky. I’ll go for Jorg. You may play with that poor old coot over there.’
‘Out of the question. We will share, but only when the inn is empty—no sooner.’
‘No.’
‘Yes, Alzbeta. You will do as you’re told.’
I felt myself becoming more and more aware. My three century-old body had mastered the poison’s effects unexpectedly fast.
‘I will do as I’m told?’ she scoffed, her voice high with indignation.
I stared at her meaningfully. She stared back, first in anger, then with a comical combination of awe and sadness.
‘Your eyes have returned to their colour…’ she trailed off in comprehension.
‘Yes.’
‘You can no longer feel my influence, can you?’
I shook my head and took another gulp of the whiskey.
‘Then, I failed,’ Alzbeta whispered.
With dejection, she also took a swig of the drink and made a deep grimace as she swallowed.
‘It was only to be expected,’ I shrugged, my eyes darting at two guests leaving. ‘And rest assured, your own magic will be consumed out of your system before long.’
‘My magic was stemming from the mirror,’ she sighed. ‘I was aware of what I was doing when I broke it. But I always thought I’d have more time.’
‘More time for what? Play God?’
She speared me with her red glare.
‘More time with you, you obtuse creature. You’ll leave me now…to run back to your spoiled brat.’
The mention of Irena rekindled my fury and terrible guilt. Of course there was nothing I would have rather done in that moment than run back to her. No place I would have rather be than by her side.
‘Alas, no, Alzbeta. I made you what you are, so that means you are my responsibility.’
‘But I forced you to it, Damian,’ she murmured, for the first time since I knew her, with regret.
‘It doesn’t matter anymore. You made a conscious choice to break your mirror. I make a similar choice in staying with you. For now.’
I had spoken with undisguised resignation, but at hearing my words, Alzbeta’s red eyes brightened up with fire from within.
‘You will? You’ll stay?’
‘For the time being,’ I stressed.
She gave me a big grin of happiness that made her appear beautiful. It surprised me. I knew I hated Alzbeta for everything she had done, for the treachery and deceit, for hurting Irena and taking me away from her. At the same time, all that was the past. It was done, it could not be undone. The only way for her to atone for her mistakes was to become a better person. I certainly was not an example of virtue and honesty, but I was all she had now.
Three more tables were left unoccupied and Jorg the innkeeper had begun to gather the empty cups and tankards. I glanced at two remaining guests, two travellers in their cloaks that were finishing their ale and standing up to leave. They paid the innkeeper and disappeared outside in the dark night.
It was time.
‘We move fast,’ I told Alzbeta, following our host’s trudging walk around the tables. ‘No mistakes and no waste.’
She nodded, turning her head to glance over her shoulder at the large man.
‘Master Jorg?’ she called in her siren’s voice.
The innkeeper walked to us tiredly.
‘My Lady, my Lord. Would you be requiring anything else?’
I saw Alzbeta’s features change from beautifully kind to beautifully monstrous. She grinned and her fangs grew long and pointed. As by reflex, mine did too.
Poor Jorg had an eye’s blink of comprehension before the lioness attacked. He fell on the floor with a thud and a scream of terror. Alzbeta straddled him and went straight for the vein. Horrified with myself and dying with thirst at the same time, I stood up and went to them in a flash. Our prey screamed and writhed on the floor and we could not have that.
I knelt down and sank my teeth into Jorg’s carotid vein, silencing him instantly. Above his heaving chest, I watched Alzbeta feeding—to her praise, not a drop of blood spilt—and our eyes locked in the strangest, most diabolical connection. Yes, it seemed we were companions now, for better or worse. We had afflicted each other in permanent ways. There was nothing else for either of us to do but move forward.
It was nigh dawn when we left the inn. We had taken Jorg in the fir forest that surrounded the village and buried him in the thick snow. No doubt, the body would show come spring, but that was no longer our concern. Our thirst was quenched if only by a degree, enough to help us get to our next destination, and quite enough for me to regain my complete awareness and utter self-disgust.
‘Whereto now, my Lord?’ Alzbeta grinned, standing beside me as a red sun arose above the Alps. ‘We have the world at our feet, literally.’
I heaved a heavy breath.
‘We go back.’
‘To Bohemia?’ she shrilled. ‘You must be mad. I’m not going back to that wormhole this century.’
‘We have to. I have to. I promised her.’
Alzbeta could not hold back a cry of frustration.
‘You said you’d stay with me!’
She actually stomped her foot, causing chunks of frozen snow and rock to tumble downward.
‘I did and I will. But I also need to keep my word. It’s the last sacred thing I have left.’
It took us two more days, but we kept to the mountains and managed to cross the Bohemian border unseen. As soon as we stood atop the Sudeten, I could feel the change, as if my entire being was awakened back to its true self, as if the air itself connected me to her, despite the distance. We were at least two days of hard riding away from Karlstejn yet, I could sense her. My blood sensed her and I immediately felt I was home.
We took refuge in the burned down ruins of Bezdez Castle. It had a high vantage point and enough standing walls for us to dwell comfortably inside its many hidden chambers. The village of Bezdez was not uninhabited however, so we had to time our outings with care. But the ruins were surrounded by thick oak forests, teeming with animal life.
There, I began to teach Alzbeta the lessons of restraint and humanity, which were after all fundamental for our survival. However, two months had passed and she was stubbornly not giving up on human blood. Oh, she had fed on animals as well, and quite often. But she kept hunting mortals, just to spite me. I knew she also suffered the loss of her sorcery and she thought, wrongly of course, that by keeping to human blood, she might somehow regain the spark. It never returned, not even literally.
She sat at a table in our library one evening, her alabaster fingers swinging back and forth through the flickering flame of a candle. She blew it out, but when she blew again, it did not reignite.
‘It’s gone,’ she voiced hollowly. ‘It’s really gone this time. A week ago, I could still light a candle.’
I turned a glance at her from the alcoved window where I always sat. There I spent hours, days on end, simply gazing at the stretch of land before me, trying to see further than any human eye. Of course, the distance to Karlstejn was too great, even for me. Try as I might, I could not see her.
Instead, I forced my attention back to my new pupil, my knew disobedient progeny.
'It was only to be expected, Alzbeta,' I murmured. 'I'm surprised it took as long as it did.'
She sighed and stood up from her place to join me.
'I thought...maybe if I kept feeding, it won't leave me.'
'As ever, I am warning you against feeding on the villagers. Your actions will only put us in danger.'
Alzbeta rolled her eyes and leaned herself against me.
'How reckless do you think me, Damian? Of course I wouldn't hunt here.'
'I'd rather you stop altogether.'
'Stop feeding?  But how would I survive?'
She seemed quite affronted at the unpleasant thought of fasting.
'You must exercise control, Alzbeta. The rarer you feed, the faster you get used to survive without blood. You will grow to need it once a week, once a month, once every two months, and so on.'
At my words, she looked positively horrified.
'And when you feel you can't go on anymore, there is always animal blood, which I know you are already perfectly capable to thrive on.'
'Thrive!' she scoffed pacing back to her table. 'As if.'
Alzbeta seated herself down and brought out a packet of Tarot cards. I had not asked her where she had produced them from, but I suspected they had belonged to one of her remote victimes in the moutain pass. She began unfolding them and spreading each card neatly on the table.
I ignored her muttering and gazed out of the window at the sudden burst of green leaves. The warm days drew near and with them, the upcoming corronation of the new Bohemian Queen. It was the latest news on everyone's lips and it reached us with the wind from the villages and all the way to our secluded hideout.
'Tomorrow is your Irena's corronation,' Alzbeta announced.
'Have your Tarot cards told you that?'
'No. The baker's lad down in the village.'
I glared at her.
'Alzbeta!'
She looked up at me innocently.
'Calm down, Damian. I didn't hurt a hair of his head. Only confounded him a bit, made him tell me the latest court gossip.'
She was studying her Tarots again, but I could see the smug grin she was fighting to hide.
'I know you're dying to tell me, so out with it.'
Alzbeta jumped from her chair once more and perched herself on the windowsill next to me.
'Well. Word is Irena forced the Council to pass a motion and change the law that imposed her marrying before being crowned. They say Turek was furious.'
Her eyes had returned to their silver grey and were positively sparkling with glee. I successfully managed to hide my own feelings behind a carelful mask.
'I am quite familiar with the laws of this land. There are amendments about the crown Princess' marital status that state she needs to wed within the first year of her rule. Otherwise, she becomes vassal to the Habsburgs and the country along with her.'
'Exactly!' Alzbeta quipped delighted. 'She doesn't yet know that, does she? Oh, I'd die to be there and see her face when she learns!'
I shook my head disgusted.
'Your malice has no end, Alzbeta.'
She shrugged, undisturbed.
'There's more.'
I gazed wearliy at her, already apprehensive.
'Apparently, Turek managed to intercept a number of scouts Irena had sent after us before they even left Prague. He's one step ahead of her every time, isn't he?'
I felt my heart sink with misery. My poor love! She was still hoping. She was waiting for me. And I was purposely keeping myself away from her, away, yet still near, because I could not bear the thought of distance. I had to be here, even if she never knew, even if, eventually, she gave up all hope. As I knew she must.
'If you ask me, she'll end up marrying Jan by the end of the year,' Alzbeta added, oblivious to my pain. 'Just you wait--wait! Damian!'
I never waited for her to finish her ominous words. I wrenched open the windows and jumped out into the falling dusk.
I was torn. Half of me wanted to run as fast and as far away from Bohemia as it could. The other half wanted to prostrate itself at Irena’s feet and offer itself to her. I would ask her for forgiveness, willingly accept any penance and stay with her forever.
Then, I knew it could not be. I would stay with her, but she would die. She was mortal and I could not even conceive of changing that. I would stay with her, only to witness her wither away. Even so, I would do it, I thought, as I kept running through the forests and across the mountains. I was ready to be with her until she—
I could not finish the thought. I could not bear it. The very notion of Irena passing from this existence caused me physical pain. I would join her. I would not go on without her.
Before I knew it, I was standing at the foot of the walls of Karlstejn Castle, my home for the past thirty years. It was a blink of an eye in my long existence, but at the same time, this was where I had been happiest, these short years had been my true reawakening. This was her home.
Night had fallen and I became one with it. I began walking through the gates and into the courtyard. The guards never saw me, no one felt me. I jumped high up and landed straight onto the small balcony that gave into Irena’s chamber. I had to see her, even if for a moment only. Just a glimpse of her and I would leave. Just to see she was well.
There was nobody in the room yet, but I did not have to wait for long. I heard a heartbeat and the door was opened by Irena’s handmaid. She was followed by more heartbeats, two more servant girls that came in carrying hot water. They were preparing the Princess’ bath. This was too dangerous. I should go. I did not trust myself.
More heartbeats. I instantly recognised hers. I heard voices. Irena’s soft one and…Jan Turek’s. They were discussing security measures being strengthened for the upcoming day. Turek seemed profoundly altered. I could not see him, but his heartbeat was frantic and inconsistent. At last, they said goodnight and the door opened to let Irena in.
I held my breath and covered my mouth for fear I would cry her name in that very instant. She was so beautiful. I had not forgotten, how could I? Her features were carved into my very heart. But to see her now, alive, beautiful, moving, affected me worse than I had thought. What was I saying? I had not thought. I had come here instinctually. Of course this was a mistake. I needed to get away. Now.
No, just a moment more. Just a breath more.
Johanna the maid was helping her undress—God almighty! Like a starving man, I swung onto the next windowsill to watch. Irena stepped into the steaming basin and Johanna removed the robe. I caught but a glimpse of her white radiance before she sank into the water. Eyes closed, I plastered myself to the cold wall, listening to the two women talking softly. I was dooming myself.
I heard my raven caw in recognition. It had felt me naturally.
Do nothing, I told him. Keep watch over her. It obeyed.
An hour later, I was still a gargoyle, determined not to make the situation worse. I never looked inside, but I kept listening. I heard Irena leave the bath, heard the rustle of linen and silk, heard Johanna’s smooth swishing sounds as she dried and combed her hair. I heard the door open and closed and listened to the only remaining heartbeat, the dearest one. Irena moved slowly across the chamber and blew out the candles.
In utter silence, I opened the glass doors and stepped inside. My beloved was already asleep, lying in bed on her back, one cream-white arm above her head, her hair streaming like dark water on the white pillows. I seated beside her, feeling my heart bleeding on the inside.
‘My love. My sweet love…if you knew. If you only knew!’ I whispered, trailing one hand right above her cheek, careful not to touch.
But my fingers were trembling as they reached her half-open red lips. Her soft luscious lips, the ones I had kissed and adored. The ones I would give my life to kiss again. Irena sighed and turned her head to the other side. A welcome interruption.
I bent my head and covered my face, appalled at what I had been about to do. I stood up to leave, but I did not reach the window. She said my name and I froze in place. I did not have the courage to turn but remained still, listening. Her heartbeat had not changed rhythm, her breathing was coming out long and even. Only then did I turn. I did not know whether to be relieved she was still sleeping, or profoundly regretful.
‘When?’ she mumbled in her dream. ‘When?’
I knew she was dreaming of me. Even in her dream, she was waiting for me.
Now, I wanted to say. Now, Irena. Wake up, look at me. I am here. I am here and I burn for you. Wake up and let’s you and I run away. Let’s run away together and hide from the world forever.
I should speak aloud. I should speak now, wake her and take her away as both of our hearts yearned to.
No, you should not, Jaromir’s voice rang in my head then, the voice of my remaining bit of consciousness.
Leave now. Leave her be. Leave her to her task, the task you yourself prepared her for. Leave. Leave!
I covered my ears and shut my eyes from the ghost’s resounding cursing. Above it, I could hear Jan Turek’s screaming. I had but a moment to escape back on the balcony before Irena jumped awake. I did not have to look inside again to know she had run to him. Their chambers were next to each other. She went to him and the screaming stopped.
Sinking my nails into the wall for support, I felt the sting of tears and did not linger. I needed to flee this scene before recklessness ruined my last reserve.
Thus, I took flight and jumped from the balcony straight into the forest. There I started running again. Alzbeta was right. Irena and Turek would be married by the end of the year and there was nothing I could do about it, except let it be, allow it to happen. But I would not leave Bohemia. As long as Irena walked the earth, I would be her shadow.
The next day found me in Prague, hiding in my dark cloak amidst a sea of people come from all over the land to witness the crowning of the Queen. I saw her on the steps of the cathedral, cheered and applauded, beloved. She walked slowly to the carriage, her blue eyes flying left and right scared. She was trying to appear smiling and radiant, and she was. But her heartbeat was frantic and the shadows under her eyes could not hide the turbulence inside.
Turek was one step behind her, holding her elbow, steadying her, murmuring words of comfort, telling her what to do to please the crowd. He had stepped into my shoes and was filling them admirably well. And I hated him for it more than I had ever hated my brothers for destroying our family. Even from a distance, I could tell there was a new sort of intimacy between them. Whatever had happened in the night after I had left must have brought them closer. As it should be, the ghost muttered in my head.
Just before Irena entered the carriage, I saw her stop and stare at someone. From where I was, I could see the figure well, the old woman from Kostvice, the one who had recognised me. Why was she here now?
Apprehensive, I sprang up on the tiled roof of the St. Vitus Cathedral watching as the carriages set in motion down the cobbled streets. The crowds dispersed, but the hag stood still, her head lifting up, her squinting eyes nailing me to the spot. And she smirked in satisfaction, finally turning to leave.
‘Come to witness the spectacle?’
Alzbeta stood beside me on the rooftop, her silver eyes taking in my downcast apparel.
‘I had to see her,’ I murmured.
‘Irena?’
‘Who else.’
‘I thought you meant Erika.’
I glanced at her not understanding.
‘Who?’
Alzbeta nodded down in the direction of the trudging old woman down in the square.
‘Erika. The Hag.’
‘You know her?’
Alzbeta grinned halfway.
‘An old enemy of mine.’
‘Among many. Is she a threat to Irena?’
Alzbeta shrugged, tossing back her mane of red curls.
‘Unlikely. She got what she wanted. She had us removed.’
‘Is that what she wanted then?’ I murmured in sadness.
‘Isn’t that what everyone wanted?’
Alzbeta jumped down and I followed her. It was brought daylight, so we needed to seek the shadows and make our way carefully out of the city.
If Erika had seen us, anyone could and we were persona non grata in this land.
‘Let’s seek refuge inside the cathedral until all the ants scurry back to their little mud homes,’ Alzbeta grinned and opened the large heavy doors.
I was one step behind and we both entered the solemn space quietly.
‘Refuge?’ I glanced at her and laughed at the irony of it all.
She grinned widely and winked her silver eye.
‘Sanctuary.’
Then she took me by the hand and we moved soundlessly down the central aisle to the end of the nave. We jumped left into the shadowy transept, as the old Archbishop of Prague was coming out, followed by a number of clerical heads. Paying them no heed, we continued straight down into the crypt.
‘I never thought I’d come back to this place so soon,’ Alzbeta murmured, as she effortlessly broke the lock on the door to the crypt.
We entered the silent chamber where all the Kings of Bohemia lay to their eternal beds. I strode to the one that had been added last, the one who had been my friend in past hundred years. For the first time since it happened, I allowed myself to feel the sorrow of the loss.
‘Jaromir,’ I whispered and closed my eyes.
Visions of our days together on the battlefield came upon me, fighting side by side, me inconspicuously killing his adversaries countless times, saving his life again and again. Jaromir embracing me as a brother, welcoming me into his house, accepting me, trusting me with his life, with his daughter’s life. Jaromir telling me he cannot defend me anymore. He had tears in his eyes as he told me I must prepare to leave once more and that this time it might be for good.
“I’m sorry, Damian. I cannot give her to you. You know why.”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry. Please understand.”
He had gazed at me with beseeching deep blue eyes, so like his daughter’s.
“I understand. Who will it be?”
“Jan Turek. Alzbeta is against it, of course, but the Council has already voted, so I don’t have much of a say in it anyway. It’s for the best, if you think about it. At least he’s young and strong and…not some old pompous foreign fool.”
I had scoffed derisively at the very notion.
“Yes, there is that.”
“Please, Damian. I did the best I could.”
I had forced myself to smile and appear calm and appeased.
“I know, my friend, I know. And I could never be more grateful. You have given me what nobody else was ever able to. I thank you from my heart.”
I opened my eyes then in deep sadness.
‘Did you really kill him?’
Alzbeta’s own eyes flickered red at me from across Jaromir’s tomb, her nails digging into the white marble bed, the flare of anger in her almost tangible.
‘I did not. Do you honestly think me so stupid?’
‘I certainly think you reckless,’ I retorted. ‘Tell me. Did you do it?’
She scoffed and let her eyes roam over the low stone archways.
‘I just told you I didn’t, Damian. What more do you want?’
‘The truth. Irena told me the opposite. Whom should I believe?’
Alzbeta shrugged and fidgeted on the spot.
‘Well, there it is, you have the truth you want.’
‘Is it the truth, though?’
‘Of course it is. Whatever comes out of your precious Irena’s mouth is naturally coated in gold and angel’s wings, so—’
I circled the tomb and stood before her. I let my eyes see into her very soul and let our connection in blood speak. She held her ground and attempted to close herself.
‘No. Let me in, Alzbeta,’ I spoke softly, touching her shoulders. ‘Don’t be afraid to show me. Take me back to that day.’
Her ice-blue eyes returned my scrutiny, but I could already feel her giving in. So I delved deep.
There they were, Alzbeta and Jaromir, riding together through the frosty countryside and into the forest. She already knew she was with child and was delighted about it. Jaromir was of course oblivious, but he was enjoying a rare peaceful moment with his wife. She was feeling bold and boisterous and he followed suit, intoxicated with her as if re-living their first days. She led him down a less-known trail, one that fatefully enough was covered in slippery ice. Jaromir knew where they were headed and that made him feel even more adventurous. He trusted his horse, he knew he can do it. Alas, his adventure ended in tragedy.
‘It was an accident,’ I murmured, opening my eyes.
Alzbeta shrugged herself from under my hands and looked away.
‘Why did you tell Irena you killed her father?’
‘Because at that point I didn’t care; I was close to victory. She already believed me guilty, so I didn’t bother explain. In any case, it was my idea to lead our horses down that icy path. Jaromir merely followed cue. The fault is still mine.’
‘It was an accident, Alzbeta,’ I said again.
‘It was what it was. Accident, fate, call it what you will.’
I gazed at her for a long time. She did not return my gaze, but kept staring at Jaromir’s marble effigy atop his tomb.
‘What of Eliska?’ I asked in a whisper.
‘The nursemaid? I had nothing to do with that.’
‘Again, Irena seemed to think you did.’
She shrugged again.
‘As I was told, she died of the lungs. I had no hand in it. To me, she was utterly unimportant.’
‘No poison?’
‘No poison.’
‘And the dog?’
‘Ah. That I am guilty of, I admit. I hated that mutt with a passion since the first day I arrived at the castle.’
I scowled at her and shook my head.
‘Yes, the dog and the others,’ she amended, bowing her head.
For the first time, I felt true regret in her. She was feeling sorry for her crimes and that made me forgive her. Compassion filled me with rays of warmth.
‘You were a newborn, Alzbeta. Still are. You were alone, scared and angry. I understand why you did what you did. I was the same in the beginning. Just as alone and scared and overcome with rage. I think I must have killed hundreds of people in the first few days.’
Alzbeta walked back to me, her hand lifting up to my face but stopping at the last moment.
‘Do it,’ I murmured. ‘Touch me.’
She did and I felt the passion that flowed through her. We gazed at each other thus interconnected and I let my shield down completely. She saw then that I no longer bore her any ill will, that I had forgiven her. She also saw my true feelings and knew they did not match hers.
‘Can I kiss you?’ she whispered pleadingly.
‘Alzbeta...’
‘Just this once. Please, Damian!’
I felt so sorry for her. And I felt affection and care and guilt. Perhaps mostly guilt. So I allowed it.
‘Once, then.’
She took my head in her hands and guided me slowly down to her lips. I felt them tremble as they pressed over mine. She had closed her eyes and I closed mine too, curious, trying to feel what she felt, willing myself to enjoy it. To forget.
I could not.
Alzbeta’s lips moved softly and sensuously over mine, the tip of her tongue darting out to lick for the smallest instant. But I could not open. I felt no passion. If anything, I felt longing—but not for her. I had a beautiful voluptuous woman in my arms, offering herself to me, and I felt nothing. My mind recoiled, my heart screamed Irena’s name again and again.
Alzbeta heard the cry and wrenched herself from me, her eyes swimming in tears. I had hurt her again.
‘I’m so sorry,’ I murmured, filled with remorse. ‘Alzbeta, forgive me.’
Hugging herself, she shook her head, her back to me.
‘No, it’s my fault. It was a bad idea. How could I've been so stupid!’
‘You wanted to try. There’s nothing wrong in it.’
She turned to me, furious blood tears running down her cheeks.
‘Everything’s wrong, Damian!’
‘No. Not everything.’
I went to her and embraced her, ignoring her futile attempts to free herself.
‘Hush. Come here,’ I whispered and brought her to my chest.
I let her sob away, knowing she was drenching my shirt in blood.
'It was all for nothing, wasn't it?' she croaked through tears. 'Everything I did, everything I fought so hard for.'
'You were led astray,' I murmured, absently caressing her hair. 'You were set upon a wrong path from the very beginning.'
Alzbeta's sobs were slowly calming down, her small fists tugging at my shirt, her shoulders tucked inwardly as if seeking shelter.
'It's true. My father committed me to the King of Bohemia almost since the news of the first Queen's death reached us. I was but a young girl then.'
'You did not fight it.'
She scoffed and sniffled.
'I wouldn't dream of it. My mother taught me well. I would be Queen--what greater purpose was there? Besides, I would not be alone in my task.'
She broke our embrace and made a vain attempt to clean her face of blood with her sleeve.
'You had the mirror,' I guessed. 'Family heirloom, perchance?'
She nodded.
'On my mother's side. She had it from her grandmother and so on.'
'Do you know how old it was?'
'At least two centuries, I expect. I never knew. I always took it as a given. It was a most potent enhancer.'
'A very dangerous one as it was proved.'
She nodded again.
'It ruled me, took over my reason. Sometimes I think it possessed me completely. It must have been the same for all the witches in my family--that, or I was too weak to control it properly.'
I scoffed and shook my head.
'I think you were very strong indeed to be able to smash the bloody thing to pieces.'
Alzbeta attepted half a smile.
'I thought I was entrapping you, binding you to me. The mirror itself was screaming in my head to pick it up and break it.'
I frowned.
'The smallest pieces still had magic within them,' I said pensively. 'Wherever they are, they are still alive.'
Alzbeta appeared concerned.
'You think they kept the pieces?'
I shrugged and ran my hands through my hair.
'I couldn't say. I hope Turek and Irena were cautious enough not to.'
The great tower bell rang late afternoon.
‘I think the streets are clear enough by now,’ I muttered, listening to the faint steps of novices preparing for the evening service. ‘We should head back.’
I thought Alzbeta would be right behind me, but when I looked back, she was still standing beside Jaromir’s tomb, her fingers caressing the new marble. To my great surprise, she bent down and kissed the smooth cold forehead, murmuring words of forgiveness into a deaf stone ear. But the gesture in itself mattered.
We became one with the long shadows and left the cathedral silently. Alzbeta took my hand and we sprang up on the rooftops, making our way back from chimney to chimney until we reached the outer walls. After that, it was easy and we ran so fast, we got home before nightfall.
‘I need to feed,’ Alzbeta declared as soon as we entered our empty hall we had converted into a library.
‘Why, did you cry too much?’ I teased.
She shrugged and threw a black cloak over herself.
‘I must have. Will you join me?’
‘No thank you, but you may go. Into the forest,’ I stressed the last word with a frown.
‘Of course,’ she sighed.
‘Alzbeta? I mean it. Steer clear of the village.’
‘Yes, my Lord,’ she rolled her eyes and curtseyed theatrically.
The door had not yet closed in her wake when I remembered something.
‘Your mirror--’
She poked her head back in with a questioning look.
‘Yes?’
‘Is there a chance it was older than two centuries?’
She leant against the doorframe with a pensive look.
‘It’s perfectly plausible. Why?’
‘And do you know its first owner or how it came to be in your family’s possession?’
Alzbeta shook her head slowly.
‘No, neither. It was always there. Why do you wish to know?’
A flash of golden-red hair swung before my eyes in a vision from long ago. Now I knew exactly why I had found the encrusted runes so familiar when I had first laid eyes on them in Alzbeta’s chamber. They were Old Norse after all, a language that was still spoken in the high elite circles of my human youth.
The pain of reminiscence hit me hard and I let myself fall down in the winged chair before the fire. I felt the air stir and Alzbeta was kneeling beside me, her hand touching my arm gently.
‘What is it, Damian?’
Her eyes reflected the warm fire in the hearth, her expression altered with deep concern.
‘Nothing of significance,’ I lied, trying to alter my features back to calm. ‘Do not worry for me. Go feed.’
Alzbeta was scrutinising my face, obviously seeing right through my lie. She nodded and stood up.
‘Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone,’ she muttered. ‘We’ll speak after.’
I smiled feebly and listened to her light footsteps down the stairs and out into the trees.