Painted Faces - the masks people wear

Where was He?

   Here I am, Lord. I wait upon your grace. I wait upon your mercy. I wait.

You are all I need. You show me visions of majesty and I worship you. You answer my cries with gentle kindness. Talk with me Lord!

I am here

What is this human condition that our soul cries out in anguish until we die?

I am here. I have never left you. There's a battle in the heavenlies for your soul and those of all my children. While on this earth you will be attacked. Recognise it. Reject it. Rebuke it. Write as I prompt and don't be afraid. You have strength you don't recognise. In and through you I am working. Trust me beloved. Cling fast to my love, claim my strength, immerse yourself in my Word. There is much for you to do.

"Abba, Abba! Abba!" I'm curled in my corner, the walls feel to my imagination like Jesus' arms holding me, protecting me. But I'm frightened, panicked. They're coming for me again; I know what will happen. "Help me Abba!" Then the shouting begins, and they hit me to make me stop. "Say that again and we'll get your father, bring him here. Show him what we do with you then kill him. Your choice." They think I'm screaming for my earthly Dad, but just the same I'm silenced. And Abba doesn't come for me either. Jesus' arms cannot hold me there and I am not safe.

    I asked Jesus recently to show me where He was in that room if my memories are real. And He showed me. He was sitting against the opposite wall, head in His hands, hunched over. Crying. I was not alone. Even there. He felt every assault, every rape, every time they taunted and burnt me. He saw my shame, desperation and fear. And with me He wept. I was never alone. He was my witness. He shone His light of hope and strength into my soul. He will have been there with me too over the past few years every time I remember and relive what happened to me back then. Every time I re-enter that room.

He's done that for you too, in your darkest times. His love, mercy and compassion have no limits. No conditions. No cost. He's here to free you, release you, heal you and love you. It's His way! Can you see it?

    I discovered another mystery recently too. At a prophetic weekend I was attending at my church I asked for prayer so that I could speak in tongues. I'd always felt like a second- rate Christian because I didn't. Not "good" enough – or maybe not even saved. Sophia asked if I had a problem with my father – and I said, no, he passed away twelve years ago. Then I was shown by Jesus the incident I talked about above. In effect those men had robbed me of my voice, made me believe it was too dangerous to ask my father (either one) for help – and if I did, I would get none anyway. Sophia prayed against a block that had been put on my vocal cords which was stopping me from speaking in tongues. Their words had had a spiritual effect and she broke it. Now I am slowly learning to speak in tongues and realise I probably could all along. I was never "not good enough". Our Abba doesn't have favourites!

    That conference was a real turning point for me. The teaching was excellent as we learned about the history, presentation and rules of prophecy. Then we had several "activation" sessions where we all practiced in groups or pairs (depending upon the activity) giving and receiving prophecy. I learnt that in speaking boldly, God does use me to speak into other's lives, as my words were verified, or confirmed previous prophecies that had been received by the person I was working with. It was so uplifting. Then there were the prophecies I received myself. God revealed that He had heard the cries of my heart and honoured them. I felt powerfully His presence around me, protecting me with a hedge of Father, Son and Holy Spirit as prophesied. That has walked with me since. He spoke into my past, present and future that day and I am changed by it. I know I am heard, I know I have a purpose. I know that nothing that is lost will not be restored. Amazing.